Toddler talking gunplay

[IADad]

So, last night the boys were horsing around the 8 yo being a little over-bearing as usual. So the 3 yo annoucnes "I'm gonna take a gun and shoot you dead."

Now, despite the rather complex and well constructed sentence, it was s sentiment we don't tolerate. I whisked him off his feet to the confines of his room, calming myself down on the way so I wouldn't yell, and I got down head to head (not really in his face, but low and ensuring I wa his sole focus.) and told him ,"we do not talk that way about guns, guns are serious things, and guns hurt people very badly. We don't threaten with guns we don't play about threatening with guns." I put my hand on his chest kind of meaning to reassure him that while I was mad and not going to tolerate what he said, still lovingly addressing it....and his heart was absolutely jumping out of his chest, I had no idea I struck so much terror in him.

While I think I handed the situation exactly as I intended, it did make me think about all the other times I maybe don't act as appropriately....it kinda scared me.

[KatieG]

I agree with the gun thing, I will not allow my son to play with toy guns or play games that involve pretending to murder somebody I think it's sick and why it is so popular in society I do not know. However, a 3-year-old would say anything he/she hears and not necessarily even totally understand the concept of it. Your son obviously didn't know what he was saying was wrong and was probably surprised that you got angry and told him off as (to him) he was just playing with his brother. I think that the way you told him off is very good and better than shouting, but I don't know if you've tried teaching him about guns before? If you have told him a number of times not to play around with this subject then you were right to tell him off in the calm way that you did. If he'd never been told about guns before, then maybe you should have just talked to him about it so that he understands not to do it next time seeing as he didn't know it was wrong in the first place.

Also, every parent knows that kids can MAJORLY stress you out at times, but keeping calm is vital in my opinion. I remember when I was little, my parents didn't shout that often and when they did shout at me it used to terrify me. I used to say that I'd rather they hit me than shout at me. But that's just me. Shouting doesn't get you anywhere and I think it could be very frightening to a small child. However it's really good that you're trying discipline in this much calmer (and effective) way. It's sometimes hard to know what to do when you're that frustrated. And it is a serious subject to me also so I understand where you're coming from.

[bssage]

I think you did it perfectly.

IMO some things need a exclamation point. And the only way to get that point is either first hand or by a statement of fact like yours from somebody you respect.

Good job IA

[Antoinette]

you handled it exactly as i would.. i don't think that children need to play with toy guns or even imaginary guns at such a young age and they should be told this and told why.. guns are made to Kill, pure and simple there is no other reason for there existence so i would have handled it the exact same way

[IADad]

I don't mind them playing with toy guns. They can use them to shoot at targets and things (like nerf guns) BUT, they never point a toy gun or pretend gun at a another person. If other kids play that way, they don't have to play along.

Thanks for the reinforcement.

Katie, thinking back I'm not really sure how much direction I've given him specifically, that's the porblem with having more than one, you start to forget what you've told whom, you jhust remember having told someone. I'll try to keep that in mind going forward - thanks!

[Choppy]

It sounds to me like you handled the situation just fine.

I can't help, but wonder if there's a certain value in your children occassionally seeing you rattled. As much as we might like to pretend we're completely rational beings, that simply isn't so. Seeing a parent get angry might just provide an index for how bad an undesirable behaviour is. Further, you managed to act in the way you intended, rather than exploding, establishing an ideal example for how to act in such circumstances.

[Jordana]

Well a toddler talking about killing is scary, and it sounds like you handeled it well. It may be worthwhile to repeat the message to his older brother as well so each learns that killing and guns are unacceptable. Keep in mind that the toddler most likely did not know what guns and killing really meant, rather that it was a way to respond to his brother. maybe helping him learn to deal with anger in healthy ways other than threatening and retorting could be helpful.
All the best. BTW I'm a masters student in psycholoogy.