Stupid, Small Minded Ex boyfriend

[Antoinette]

okay... this is a question but first it will be a bit of a vent because i am soooo annoyed and need to vent!!!

okay so my Ex Boyfriend David is the father of my Son Felix and my unborn Daughter Alegra.. he left me right at the beginning of February which is over a month ago, claiming he wants nothing to do with me or my children (his children) he said it was too much for him to deal with and he never signed up for this etc. etc. etc. his reason's are not important. he is a dick.... i had always thought though that if he cooled down and changed his mind i would let him back into there lives, no questions asked because every kid should have the chance at a dad if at all possible.. anyway that was my vent.. here is my problem

My Brother Michael is gay, he is in a long term relationship with a loverly man called Spencer they are great together, both have jobs and stable lives and are in every way model citizens.. the other day i had a TAFE night class and Felix was just being destructive at home and was crying and just in a terrible mood and he hadn't slept so was impossible to calm so i didn't want to take him to my night class in that state and no one was available to look after him for me on a friday night so i called Michael and he said that him and Spencer were just having a quiet night at home and would love to look after Felix for 2 hours for my class i was so grateful and i took him over there and went to my night class.. it all went great after class i went to pick him up and he was asleep which was amazing because that doesn't happen easily so i went and slept on the couch because i didn't want to move him and wake him.. that was all fine but Michael's friend Jordan is friends with my Ex David (he is how we met) and Jordan said something to David about how amazing Michael and Spencer are with Kids because of how quickly they settled Felix.. David was furious that i would leave my son un supervised in the house of gay men and has now banned me (only verbally, not in court or anything) from leaving him there EVER and i am the worst mother in the world, so uncaring for my children how could i be so stupid Etc. when i asked if he would take him in these circumstances i got a very blunt NO he is out of my life now...

this is un reasonable yes?? and i just shouldn't listen to him right?? the fact that my brother and his boyfriend are gay does not make them any less capable of looking after my son.. tell me what you think i should do..

sorry for the length of this and for the massive vent..

[Xero]

That's messed up!! I would totally ignore him. Actually, I would do it as often as possible just to tick him off!! lol If he doesn't want to be a part of his kids' lives (especially when you even offer them to him and he says no, WTF!!!!) then he doesn't get to decide what goes on with them either. You don't just get to go out and do whatever you want and then think you have ANY SAY in how the person who is raising your kids does anything!!

How come you talk to him? If he wants nothing to do with you or the kids, then how come he doesn't leave you alone? I would ignore his calls. If he wants nothing, give him nothing. I would.

What does he mean that he didn't sign up for this? Did he not want kids? I don't get that.

lol on this note, I just joined a facebook group titled "Any di** can make a baby, but it takes a MAN to be a daddy".

[Antoinette]

haha... that is the perfect name for a group.. i should make a facebook just to join that group LOL i know I'm left behind as the only person in the world without Facebook haha..

well i still answer his calls because i guess that somewhere in the back of my mind i still wish that he would see reason and come back and be a daddy to his children but i know that's not going to happen.. especially not right now maybe in 5 years when he grows up and realizes what he has missed but i think by then it will be too late anyway. Felix will be 6 and Alegra will be 5 and he will be a stranger..

and Michael and Spencer and perfectly capable of looking after Felix he loves them and listens to them even more than he listens to me sometimes GRRRRR sometimes David just gets to me

[Xero]

I agree, sexual orientation have absolutely nothing to do with a person's ability to care for a child. I'm sure they're both great people and obviously Felix liked them a lot! They're doing more for him than his dead beat dad.

How old are you guys if you don't mind me asking? Were your kids planned?

[Antoinette]

I am 18 and he is 20 no they were definitely not planned especially Felix who was born when i was barely 17 and then pregnant again with Alegra not long after.. i wasn't scared or upset when i found out about Alegra though because i loved David and he said he loved me and i thought he would be with me forever but i guess not.. i must be the most fertile person in the world.. i was on the Pill when i got pregnant with Alegra

[Xero]

I was on the pill when I got pregnant with Eli lol and I was 19 when I was pregnant, had him at 20 (bf was 21). But what happened to me was, I got a really bad kidney infection and it wouldn't go away and they gave me two rounds of antibiotics (it was a pain because, my insurance wouldn't cover two antibiotic scripts in one month) and finally IV antibiotics when I had to go to the hospital over it. And nobody was paying attention to my birth control and how it would be affected and I had no idea that it even mattered so next thing I knew I was pregnant.

Anyway, it is hard to be a young parent. Harder for some than others. I wish he would come around for you. He needs to grow up. And when you've got kids, you just can't do that on your own terms.

Maybe he will come to his senses when Alegra is born... What went wrong? Was he too stressed out with being a parent? Were you guys not getting along? I mean why did he leave? If I'm being too nosy just tell me to shut up lol I guess I just like to talk about things. I've been through a lot of crap too.

[Antoinette]

haha nah, i don't mind talking about it.. thats why I'm here so i can talk to people about it who actually understand unlike all my other friends my age who's biggest problem was if they would graduate LOL

umm its not really that we were fighting or anything but Felix was a REALLY tough baby to deal with and still is he had an operation when he was very young because he had terrible reflux and was not getting enough nutrition and he hasn't been the same since.. he usually won't sleep for more than 40 minutes at a time and gets croup every few months and David just got stressed out and couldn't handle it.. he said he hated working 6 days a week and not being able to go out to the nightclub with HIS money every weekend because all his money went to Nappies and clothes and toys for Felix (what an exaggeration) and thats not even true.. i worked too a few days a week and my money usually bought nappies,toys etc his bought food and house payments etc. but that was his reason for leaving... basically he was to selfish and immature to be a dad i guess

[bssage]

I agree with both of you.

On the one hand its nice to see he feels something, or at least a reaction to things that involve his children (however misguided they may be)

On the other hand I think you should freeze him out. Let him know "there is no free ride" If he wants to be active in their lives he needs to understand that only his responsibility can earn that privilege. IMO make that crystal clear.

Also IMHO I think you should stop taking calls and make him either write text or email. This might sound bad. But using those other forms of communication may give you a chance to think before you react without letting your desire to become a family temper you judgment. Just IMO

If you stay the course you will be much better off knowing in the future that you are capable of being a family with or without him.

Young and stupid is no excuse for being shthead.

[Antoinette]

hmmm.. maybe you are right.. it will be hard to freeze him out completely because i know he is being a complete dick head and sometimes i hate him so much for being the way he is... but i also love him so much it has only been a month since we broke up and this is really the first time we have spoken since.. i have tried but he can be very evasive when he wants to be...

i wish he would either be a dad to the kids that HE created or leave me alone completely and let me make my own decisions on how to care for them and who's care to leave them in when i have to do things like night classes

[bssage]

Sometimes people dont know what they want till its gone