Drinking Adult

[jenwheeler]

I know this is a parenting forum, but I just want to get the perspective of other parents.
I live in Canada, so the drinking age here is 19. I only started drinking when I turned 19 and I'm 20 - turning 21 in June. My mom just found alcohol in my room and became furious and is talking about how I'm an alcoholic, druggie and doesn't trust me anymore. I told her that I started drinking when I was legal, and I don't drink heavily. Am I the wrong one here? I mean, I know I'm living under their roof, but I'm almost 21. I never told them in the beginning that I started drinking because I knew they wouldn't like it. I know...if they don't like it, I shouldn't have done it in the first place. But I mean...I'm legal.
What would you do if you were my mom?

[ElliottCarasDad]

imo, legal is legal, but you live under their roof, therefore their rules

[Father_0f_7]

In my opinion, you're legal. They probably shouldnt have overreacted that much. BUT, you are in their house so it's a tricky subject.

Are either of them alcoholics, or do any of them ever drink. I know for recovered alcoholics we tend to kind of freak out when our kids start drinking (even if they are legal) because alcoholism does run in families.

[jenwheeler]

I understand the whole living under their roof thing, but at some point should they not start to be a little lenient? I don't know if my opinion is going to change when I actually become a parent, but at my age, I'd just hope that I taught my kid well enough to know how to be responsible about these kinds of things.

[jenwheeler]

Originally Posted by Father_0f_6

In my opinion, you're legal. They probably shouldnt have overreacted that much. BUT, you are in their house so it's a tricky subject.

Are either of them alcoholics, or do any of them ever drink. I know for recovered alcoholics we tend to kind of freak out when our kids start drinking (even if they are legal) because alcoholism does run in families.

Neither of them are, but my dad drinks the occasional beer and at family get togethers I'll usually have a couple coolers with my sister (24). The thing that bugs me most is that both of my parents were smokers and they would totally freak out if I ever did something like that. It's so one sided with them.

[bssage]

That's what parents tend to do.

Freak out when their kids put themselves in danger.

My parents did it. I will do it. And I would guess you will to.

Right or wrong it has less to do with what they do themselves and more to do with you putting yourself at risk.

You probably wont like it. But thats the story.

Also at the age of being a parent we have usually seen the whole situation go south for too many people.

[Father_0f_7]

The thing that bugs me most is that both of my parents were smokers and they would totally freak out if I ever did something like that. It's so one sided with them.

It's not one sided. It's because we dont want our children to go through the same things we went through.

I used to smoke but there is not a chance in hell I would let my kids (even if they were legal) and they were still living with me.

[Xero]

Around 5.4 million deaths a year are caused by tobacco.

85,000 alcohol-related deaths occur each year.

THAT'S why your parents don't like the idea of you doing either. They love you, they care about you, and they want you to be safe and healthy at all times. You will UNDERSTAND someday. Don't get me wrong, I agree that you are legal and you are perfectly allowed to drink. But you need to keep it to yourself. You live under their roof, mooching off of them. The least you could do is be respecful of their rules and requirements. Don't drink in their house, and try not to keep alcohol in it if they don't want it there. On your own time, out with your friends or whatever, out of the house, drink your face off (just be safe and responsible). Don't lie about it or anything, but you don't have to rub it in their faces either by leaving bottles of liqour laying around your bedroom. I would apologize to them and tell them you'll be more responsible, but that in all truthfulness you're not going to refrain from drinking socially as it is harmless and legal (as long as you're not driving).

Parents can become more lenient, but they don't have to let you do whatever you want just because you're technically an adult. Some parents do let their kids do anything they want, but those are usually the parents with the 32yr old still living with them that doesn't have a job or an education. :/

They just care about you, keep that in mind. And they deserve your respect to some extent at least, considering you live under their roof and eat their food. If you want to be able to do whatever you want, and keep as much alcohol around as you want, and be an adult, then you have to take everything else that comes along with it. Move out, get your own place, pay your own rent, buy your own groceries, pay your own bills etc. That's how you achieve the ability to do whatever you want.

Keep an open line of communication, and instead of fighting with your parents about it and denying things and whatnot, try to talk to them with complete honesty, tell them you don't want to feel like you have to keep things from them, and that you're only trying to have fun. You're not dependant on alcohol, you just do it for fun on occasions. Tell them how you feel. I bet they'll come around in a few days to be a little more understanding than you think. And if they don't, well, then maybe you just might have to be a little more discreet.

[Choppy]

Once she's calmed down you probably need to have a level-headed talk with your mother. Tell her that you don't appreciate being called an alcoholic or a druggie and how that makes you feel. You've decided to drink and you do it responsibly. You may want to identify specific concerns she has about the drinking such as:
- how much is too much
- consequences of alcohol poisoning
- decisions that young adults make while intoxicated
- drinking and driving

Having an intelligent, adult conversation about it, can certainly help to demonstrate that you're doing it responsibly and alleviate the majority of your mother's concerns.

[Cop2be]

I am 20 as well but my mom is ok with me drinking. Like you I don't drink heavily although I am drinking before the legal drinking age in my country, it is legal for me to drink in my home with my moms permission.

I would just say don't drink at home. If you want to drink go out with friends or go over to a friends house and drink there and crash at that friends house or with another friend who you can stay with till the next day.

Your mom can tell you if she wants you drinking in her house or not but she can't tell you whether or not you can drink outside the house.

And legal is legal, if you want to drink you can just don't tell your mom you do. She should respect that you are an adult and that she raised you right and that you aren't going to drink irresponsibly. She just afraid that you'll get hurt, ease her fears.