Teenage Girls

[Jordy]

Okay, so i have posted before that i have a 14 year old daughter who see whenever her and her mother are in Western Australia (not often) i also fly to NSW to see her; but her mother doesn't like that very much.

Anyway her mother called me this morning and said she and her husband and her parents are flying to Thailand for a friends wedding but she doesn't want to take Aimee because she isn't comfortable on planes... she said because Aimee is 14 she doesn't want to leave her home alone or at a friends house for 2 weeks and she has no family close to her so she wants to know if i can take her; she can drive her here and catch a plane back (its a few days drive)

Of course i would love any opportunity i can spend with her but i know next to nothing about teenage girls and i don't know Aimee very well and have spent very little time alone with her in her entire life. The trip is scheduled for June 14 and the two little girls we are adopting move in to live with us on June 9 so it will be a hard time around then. Obviously i will still take her as i will jump at any time to spend with her.

Any advice on looking after a 14 year old girl would be great, neither of us have any real experience in this and although i am biologically her father i think of Michelle's husband as her dad because he has been her male role model for her whole life and i have not.

Should Andrew and i try not to be affectionate when she is down? i don't usually think of it much but for a 14 year old girl she might not feel comfortable; We are very affectionate people we like to hold hands and everything. It's not as if Aimee hasn't seen it before as she was a bridesmaid (figuratively) at our wedding (commitment ceremony) but that was different. day to day in the house she might not like it, should we just try not to be overly affectionate or should we sit her down and talk to her? i think this might make her feel more uncomfortable because she doesn't know us that well.

Michelle said she has talked to Aimee about coming to stay with us and Aimee said she wants to and is excited to and would like to meet her two new little sisters (who apparently she does think of as sisters) so I'm not worried about that. i just don't know how to treat her when she gets here. We gave her the spare bedroom for when she is here (we have 4 spare rooms, one is Bono's one will be Caidance and Camryn's, one is now Aimee's and there is one left) because we read that Teenage girls like to have a space that is there's that they can be in to get away from everyone else

not that it will help but i'll include a picture of her here..

[mom2many]

First she is beautiful!

Ok, now to your Q's, follow her lead and talk to her, ask her what she wants and let her know that if at any point she is uncomfortable that she is free to say so.

Really at 14 the most important thing is to keep communication open, she's still at a fun age, before 16 when they hate everyone and everything . Use this time to reconnect with your DD, the good thing will be having the other babies, most 14 year olds love babies so they will be a big "help" when it comes to yours and hers relationship.

I am sure I could think of more but right now I don't have a full cup of coffee in me so my brain is a little slow. I am sure though that between all of us there will be some great suggestions.

[bssage]

Yea I agree. being aproachable if something makes her uncomfortable is probably the most important thing. I (just me) would come out and just say it right out first thing. "You should feel comfortable talking to me. I will always listen. Maybe not always agree. But I will always listen. You should feel comfortable telling me anything. I will never be mad if you share your honest feelings.

Then I would have a blast. Sounds like your going to have a banner year. Make some great memories for when your old and decrepit. And she is far away and lonely.

And you might have to carry a baseball bat to keep the boys away when she is around.

[Jordy]

Yes, she is very beautiful and i am so proud to say she is my daughter from what i hear (and the limited i have seen) she is growing up to be a bright and bubbly girl full of self confidence (so her mother tells me)

yeah, i want her to know she can always come to me and i will be there and that if she doesn't like something that is happening she can tell me and i will try to change it for her. I'm more wondering in which setting to do this? Over the phone before she gets here? or at a formal sit down thing? or just casually when in the car or something?

I talked to her on the phone this afternoon for about half an hour and she seemed happy to be coming.. she mostly is a little excited because i am the main hairdresser in the salon i work in so she wants me to cut her hair for her LOL the perks of a gay father LOL

[Firefly4698]

I would for sure do it in person, that way you can read how she is feeling. I think that it's a great idea to sit down and talk to her right in the begining, that way it is established that communication is open and you are interested in her feelings. I agree that the new babies will help in easing a little tension. Teenagers love babies! Good luck and have fun. Remember no matter what, she is a part of you and you guys love one another!

[Cop2be]

I think the hair cutting would be fun. That's a good way to spend time with her and try to bond. I would maybe go shopping with her. Go out to lunch with her. Just do things to spend time with her.

Just expect her to not always want to hang out. I know as a 14 year old, sometimes I just wanted to sleep in and stay in my room and chill. So when she is out and around just try to spend as much time with her then.

Watch movies together, make dinner together. Just stuff like that. Include her in things. I think the babies coming in will be good because she can get to know them as well and you both can spend time with the babies.

Hope the trip is fun for everyone.

[Jordy]

yes, trying to bond with her and make her comfortable is my aim because she doesn't know me very well and now she is going to be living with me and Andrew for 2 weeks which i know will probably be strange for her because her mother will be away and she will be living with two men she barely knows... so i just want to make her time here as fun and comfortable for her as possible.

you say 14 year olds want to "sleep, stay in there room and chill" i do understand this, and we did plan for it by giving her the spare room. but when you in with a new family and in a new city for 2 weeks would there not be better things to do than stay in your room?? and there is nothing in there.. there is a bed, a walk in wardrobe, a chest of draws, a study desk and an empty bookshelf LOL it is all set up to be a room but it is empty so it doesn't seem overly thrilling.. should i put more in there so she feels more at home there? or for if she wants to escape there?

[Cop2be]

There usually is and you are totally right there will be TONS of stuff to do and she sounds like she wants to go do a lot.

Even at 20, I can tell you spending extended time away from home in a new surrounding is emotionally exhausting and that need to "escape" happens.

I spent 2 weeks in another state visiting my grandmother and great grandmother. Where I was sleeping was a loft with no door, I was just out of my element and everything else and that need to escape happened frequently, I would sometimes just go sit in my "room" on my laptop or go text.

We went out and saw old places I used to go to, spent time together, went out to eat, went shopping, watched old home videos etc but at home I am used to spending 99.9% of my time in my room and I needed that down time and alone time to stay sane.

Maybe if you have an extra tv or uhm you could put some teenage girl decorations in there, like ask her favorite color and maybe get some sheets and pillows to decorate it with.

Two weeks is quite a long time in teenage time and especially since you don't know her very well and she is going to be there for awhile it would be nice for her to feel like she has a place of her own to go to.

[Jordy]

we thought about buying a TV to put in there but then we thought that might be too much intensive not to be with the family.. we have a theatre room in the house with a large television and surround sound so i think if you wanted to watch a movie you would opt for that rather than a smaller TV in your room which you would have to listen to through the televisions own speakers.... do you think we should buy her a TV for her own room?\

as for decorating it. we were thinking we will wait till she is here and we can go out shopping and decorate it for her together. to make it a family outing and more of a bonding thing.

[Cop2be]

Aw yeah wait till she gets there...that would be so much fun...

Oh and BTW all this talk about rooms makes me want to rearrange mine tonight LOL

Do what feels right with the tv...
I usually turn mine on for background noise.

Have you put a radio/alarm clock in there? That's usually nice to have for music and to get up on time.