I'm the worst father in the world

[cw30000]

I think I am the worst father in the world and I REALLY NEED HELP TO CHANGE IT. I am at the point where my 2.5 years old daughter can tick me off on everything she does, even lifting a finger or grim at me.

I keep telling myself every morning not to yell at her and just let her do what she wants so she will be happy for the day. I hold, hold, hold and hold, and finally couldn't hold anymore and go off on her.

Here are a list of some of the little things she does daily that could lead to the tipping point:
- She is watching movies on the computer where I work (dual screens), then then she lays one of her leg over at me. I push her away and tell her dad is doing something, just sit and watch your movie. She then continue and then she wants me to hold her. I held her. Once I held her, within minutes, she start moving, standing, hanging on the desk, just name a few.
- She is drinking her juice and she could finish it and then she starts spitting the drink on the floor. told her not to do it million of time not to do it.
- She is running with a metal folk and I told her, don't run just walk. She keeps on running. As you may ask, why not just don't give it to her. Right, she just cry all day.
- She will be playing with the sweeper and then knock off everything on the way
- She will keep turning on and off the monitors while I am working


A bit of background:
I am a work from home dad and because of this, I have the luxury of taking care of my daughter. Beside my day job, I have to babysit her, which is about 12 hours per day from the minute she gets up until her mom returns from work. I take her to park every day as time and weather permit.


If seeing a psychologist help. I would love get some referrals on this. I live in Central NJ.

[bssage]

I think some people just dont have the temperment or patience to be primary care giver's. Just the way we are wired. Nothing against you. Famous Clint line "A man has to know his limitations" Sounds to me like your trying to fit a round peg in a square hole. I would rethink you situation. Day care exchange roles with the wife. Something. What you are describing can only get worse without some change or intervention. Sure a proffesional might be able help. But you daughter sounds normal and cute. This is robbing from you and her what should be some of the best times.

I know I have been throwing out some quotes here but so many apply because this is not uncommon in life. "Familiarity breeds contempt", "Distance make the heart grow fonder"

Its just my opinion dont bother getting all wound up if you disagree.

[Jordy]

i agree with bssage. i think that if these things are starting to irritate you to this extent maybe you should consider daycare while you are working from home and when you finish then go get her and spend some quality time with her so that you see her and are happy to see her rather than being irritated by her because no 2.5 year old girl needs to know that she "ticks her daddy off" because even if you don't say it. she can pick up on your non verbal cues

[IADad]

First of all you are not the worst dad, because you recognize the problem and want to fix it, you just don't know how. I think it's rare that a parent doesn't occasionally "go off" on a kid, and we usually feel horrible after having done it. I've been there more than a few times and when I see and sense the fear he has had it really woke me up. It seems you know that.

All of the things you describe seem to be pretty normal 2.5 year old pleas for attention. It seems that the work from home part and the care part are in conflict in your life. It seems like at least part of the answer may lie in structure. Right now you are warehousing her while you work, (that's not an accusation, just a description of what you've told us about the situation, so sorry if it hurts or if you don't feel it's accurate, it's not meant to attack you, just bear with me a moment,) so, you're trying to keep her busy while you work. We she can't or won't do that it comes into conflict with what you need to get done, and that's when it becomes irritating/maddening, right? Is the work that you do flexiible enough that you can break up some activities into smaller pieces? Like have her draw for 10 minutes, then you spend a few minutes with her, give her a game for 15 minutes then you take her for a walk or outside to play ball, then sit her down with a snack and a movie, across the room, where she's not tempted by the notion of getting your attention, and then maybe you can get 30 or 60 minutes of uniteruppted work in?

It just seems if you cater to her need for her dad's attention and respect her young attention span (while not just giving in to her every whim, in the scenario I painted, you still manage the time and the activities, just within the prerpsective of 2 yo attention spans.

I know that wouldn't be easy, but you are trying to do two jobs at once here. You may have to play out 15 things to do a day, but if you do them routinely like this,maybe it'll form better reactions because things are in a routine, and as she grows, those time amounts can grow.....and maybe I'm full of crap, I don't know, just was the thought and suggestion that came to mind, hope something out of it helps.

[Demona_Mommy91]

I think you need to do what I do. If you're basically watching her twenty four seven then yeah, you're gonna start getting frustrated. I do that when I don't get a break from my daughter so I send her to her dad's for a night. I would say why don't you have your wife take her for a night or something just so then you can regain some self control.

[cw30000]

Thanks all for the replies. I am in the process of sending her to day care. I know this is the right thing to do for both her and myself. It will give her chance to socialize with other children and give me room to breath as well.

Just FYI: My mom is a very patient woman and she get frustrated with my daughter just dealing with her for a day.

[bssage]

I say this a lot. But being a parent should be fun. Of course not all the time. But as much fun as work.

I'm glad to hear you made some adjustments. Now you have to update us and let us know how it works out.

[ReddStars]

I know you already have alot of replies, but I wanted to let you know you have another person on your side that knows you are NOT a bad parent for feeling this way.

Being with a child, especially an active one, is draining and I hope you can get some "me" time and not feel guilty about it.

But don't feel like a bad dad because your patience is so tested and you might want to run away from home (wait, that was me wanting to run away from home). You're a normal dad who needs some grown up time for himself.

I wish you the very best.

[sabita]

Hi
first of all you are not the worst father in the world, i think you are being the permissive parent which is basically letting your daughter to do whatever she wants to do. I think you should try an authoritative parenting style which is basically explaining rules and encouraging discussion between child and parents. i think if you explain to her daughter what she is doing is wrong and tell her why it's wrong constantly, evenutally she will acknowledge your prespective. Everyone needs an explaination when you tell them not to do something because it's just the way we are and for a child they need you to constantly telling them what to not do and why they shouldn't do that.

Just don't get fustrated and try to do more explaining to her, maybe in time it will work, all you can do is try because if you don't try you will never know if it would have worked..

Good luck

[Chaos]

Kids are smart, they test you and find ways to piss you off....sounds like you felt for her trap.

DO NOT SHOW EMOTION when it comes to this sort of thing. Keep it cool and when she does something wrong simply punish her for it AND explain exactly what she did wrong. When I say punish...put her in the corner, make her stand there....no toys etc.

Ask yourself this, what have you accomplished by getting stressed out/aggregated etc.

I can answer this for you......NOTHING.

PS. God bless you for being stay at home father...something I can never EVER do.