realtionship with a ex step-parent

[confused]

Here are the two different sides to the same story would appreciate your opinion on which you think is better and why. Will start off will basis of story then the 2 different opinions.

A ten year marriage was started when the kids were 4 and 5 when realtionship ended they were 13 and 15 ....the marriage ended because of alcoholism. They are not the biological children to this person but they see him as the father figure. For the first several years he was present and supportive emotional and finacialy to them towards the end he was not around and the kids did fight with him the alcohol took a toll on all parties. During the divorce he came over many times drunk causing problems , he stole stuff from the house and broke in once he threatened to harm the dogs and cause damages to the property however he didn't except for trying to tear up the lawnmower (which he later stole or says someone else he knows did). He is wanting to still have a realtionship with them and is not giving up on being a part of their lives. They (the kids) have now decided they want him in their lives as well as they see him as the father they never had and that he didn't abondon them. I have entered into a new realtionship for about a year now and we are wanting to start our lives together.

1st - Is it ok to have a new realtionship and still have the kids communicate (not see) the ex if regulations are put in place and followed and if they aren't then end communications...take a chance that drama or problems won't arise?

2nd - Or because the marriage ended for many reason including that he was not a good influence and not a productive part of the family that all communication should end with everyone. That you shouldnt bring past into a new realtionship even it is just communication with the kids...a ex is an ex and in the past should stay that way no matter the feelings of others involved are and not take the chance of it causing drama or problems in the new realtionship?

[Jordy]

this confuses me a little.. are both parts from the same story but different perspectives?

i think it is sad that someone who has been the "father" of these children for 10 years is expected to leave them and not have that role any more. i know a little about loving a child who is not biologically mine but the love can be the same, on the other hand how much of a bad influence is he? you don't want to out your children in danger or even out of there comfort zones.

[confused]

yes same story....not in danger or out of comfort zones for them more of comfort zone for other party

[Choppy]

I try not to complain about grammar too much, but these posts are really difficult to read.

[Xero]

True... run on sentences confuse the heck out of me. o__o Sorry about that, I just am not too clear on the story the way its written.

[Antoinette]

yeah, I'm a little confused too.. maybe try re telling it but just from your perspective?

[bssage]

I agree. And I think I with Jordy on this one. 10 yrs is a long time. If he and the kids want to remain close IMO it would be sad to try and not let that happen.

[SunshineSuzy]

If your concern with allowing him to continuing seeing the kids is his influence, or alcoholism, you could arrange times for them to see him with you, or another trusted individual, present. I would imagine the children don't really remember life without him in it and if he is willing to still be a part of it, despite his issues, it is definitely something you'd want to consider allowing in my opinion.

[Father_0f_7]

If he's willing to be an actual parent, not putting the kids in danger, the kids want to see him...why wouldnt you let him?

Like someone said before, they probably don't remember life without him. Not being around him anymore is probably hurting them emotionally.

[confused]

I retold story and put the two choices below..sorry for the grammer in first draft. Hope it is more understandable.