Is it ok to expect my 18 yr old

[NancyM]

to call me every now and than so I know he's alive.?? lol

Max is a pretty good kid, I think he drinks a little and yes we found a smoked joint in his car ash tray a few months ago. His friends are good kids too, they all go to college in the winter months but are all together again for the summer. I believe they all work, including Max, so they hang out after 10 pm. My son just got his license last November, and is driving a fairly decent used car, oh yeah, there's a girl.!! so a lot of changes are going on at once and I'm freaking out a little.

I know we all want our parents as far away from us as possible when we were 18, but I still want to know after 8 hrs or so that he is alright. after all he does have a cell phone.

Is this too much to ask? Really. Everyone I ask has a different opinion.

please give me yours.

[bssage]

every 8 hrs seem a little much IMO. But several times a week and on weekends. My brother (48) still calls dad every sunday at 08:00. I call (45) several times a week. But we are checking on him.

You could quit calling him and taking his calls for a week.
That may help him understand why its important to you to hear from him.

Just IMHO

[Father_0f_7]

twice a week wouldn't be a lot to ask IMO. If he's living with you during the summer than that is intirely up to you.

I'm also curious what you did about the joint. Not just that it's a joint but what really scares me is that it was in his car...meaning he (or someone else) was probably smoking it while driving.

[NancyM]

Thanks for your reply's,
Max does live at home. That's why I notice when he's home or not, and why we expect him to check in once in a while. He commutes to a local college. It's funny because His father and I are pretty liberal. I mean that we tell him if he's going to drink of course don't drive, if he has to get home for some reason and everyone is drunk, he should call us, and not drive.

I have to say that the joint thing really threw me. I never expected that.
We didn't snoop, what happened was that I asked max for his keys so I could move his car out of a spot, he was still in bed and gave me his keys, I opened the door, and got hit with a powerful rush of marijuana I told his dad to talk to him this time, because sometimes he gets more defensive with me, His father talked to him about it, and he made it very clear to Max that he is NOT to ever smoke pot and drive.

That was about 2 mos ago, and so far it seems like he's ok when he comes home. We watch for it.

This is all new to me because Max has always been a home body kid, Always!! and always had a group of really good kids as friends, and they all had the same interest in computers and electronics. As soon as he graduated last year, and turned 18 its like he changed into someone else.

He works full time and like I said has a nice girlfriend and it's just weird.

I guess it's the rebellious age, I just didn't expect it now.

How long will this last.? Anybody?

[Gunny]

Originally Posted by NancyM

but I still want to know after 8 hrs or so that he is alright. after all he does have a cell phone.

Not going to happen. At least not every 8 hours. Once a week is satisfactory. Wouldn't expect more than that.

And I wouldn't be too concerned about the joint. Now if you find a crack pipe that's a different story.

[Father_0f_7]

I on the other hand would be completely concerned about the joint but that's just my opinion.

Since he does live with you, and you seem to be fairly lenient, is there any way you guys could compromise?

Does he just refuse to call you guys, like he just doesn't care? or is it more that he forgets?

If none of that works than I would honestly just sit him down and say "look, you may be 18 but you're living under our roof. We expect you to give us the respect we deserve and call us every once in a while so we know you're okay"

[Jeremy+3]

When Jackson was 18 he still lived at home, we didn't expect him to call us all the time, if he had phoned us every 8 hours every day for non-emergency reasons I would have told him to stop, unless something serious is going on, it really isn't necessary.

[Father_0f_7]

And I somewhat agree. When Dylan was living at home he was 18 also...we really just wanted to know if he was coming home that night or not. He could stay out as late as he wanted (not on school nights) as long as he called us and said "I'm not going to be home tonight"

But the OP would like a call from her son so she's not staying up worrying and I completely understand that. And no, it's definately not too much to ask of him.

[Xero]

I think if I had children that were 18+ as long as they had already graduated high school, then I would be happy with them checking in once a day.

[NancyM]

Wow it's so interesting how we all see the same situation differently. I guess I'm lucky to have a good son. If I had a problem child or maybe even a girl I'm not sure how I'd be today

I do appreciate all of your responses.
Jeremy-3 I have to laugh at your reply. it Just struck me funny. Thanks

Xero, I understand that, I hope I will get to that point.

Father_of_six: I agree at least call to say he won't be home tonight. (ok I ask where he's going to be ) He has a 2 am curfew, and he's usually home on time. When he goes to his girlfriends I would rather he stay there than to drive home when he's tired, I even told him this, but he gets home about 3:30 which is fine in the summer, in the bad winter nights I'm sure it will be another story. lol

And No, I can't imagine how he could forget, I remind him often enough lol, either he turns the phone off, or claims he lost power. I know it's BS. This really gets me nuts.

And your right , I too am concerned about the joint, I don't like it and am a bit of a square where drugs are concerned.

Gunny you think it's too much to expect? OMG CRACK PIPE, you know I'm going to be looking for that now..Remember he does live at home. and is a fairly new driver, and not very street wise on the second hand. You don't think he should call his sweet old ma just because she asked him too?

Just to show that I am partly cool, right now Max is tucked away in his bedroom with his girlfriend chilling out in the A/C.

I can't help it I just love him to peices.