How to be a good stepmother

[momo4k]

Becoming a stepmother can undoubtedly be one of the most challenging, yet rewarding, experiences in a woman's life.
So just wonder,if you were a stepmother,how you performance?

[momo4k]

Anybody?

[lola]

I can't exactly tell how I could become a good stepmother because I am not but if I will be one I would love and treat my step children as I my own children.

[ElliottCarasDad]

Growing up I had a step-mother that I lived with with my dad, brother, sister, and 2 step brothers from when I was 11. I was the oldest. I was always convinced she was an evil bitch, and she was the reason that I lived at friends homes during most of my junior and all of my senior year until I graduated and moved out west to live with my real mother. Looking back, I'm sure she just didnt know what the hell she was doing. She went from having 2 kids, the oldest 7, to having 5 with the oldest 11.

[Ghoulina]

I'd say give more of your attention to the child when he is present than to your boyfriend/fiancee/spouse. It is not about YOU anymore, even though you are not this kid's mom, you are CHOOSING to be involved in his life as his father's partner, and it takes tons of time, energy, and love to raise a child. It's a hard thing that I am coming to realize right now, I am currently dating a guy with a 5 year old, and I have always been the center of attention in relationships, but this is the first time that I am taking second seat. It is hard to deal with, but I am trying to be patient and kind and understanding!

[megs]

I've been a step mom for more than 10 years. I also have a step-mom (who is a wonderful woman) I would say that the 'golden rules' are:
* Be kind. Accept that you won't always understand your stepchildren, but you can always be kind. Kindness goes a long, long way.
* Love your husband (this might be a given ) - act your love through your words and deeds. This is the primary relationship, your relationship with your step-children flows from it, so keep it healthy and happy!
* Keep your sense of humour - you're going to need it! The ability to laugh at life's absurdities (and there will be many in blended families!) will keep you sane.

Don't be upset if you don't automatically love your stepchildren. Even with the best intentions in the world, it can be a relationship fraught with challenges. Also I strongly advise you not to try to 'replace' their biological mother - you're the bonus mom!

Good luck and have fun

[nathan.williams]

Wow, that's a tough topic.

[chikygrl13]

I had 2 stepmothers growing up. And a stepfather. The stepfather I won't go into, I was 12 when he shipped my brothers and I off to live with our Dad and started beating up my mother (I called the cops 3 times, it still took her 10 years before he left her for a younger woman)

My stepmothers both had the same problem. They were recently divorced, (as was my Dad) and they were more concerned with finding a Daddy to their kids. And my father played into it. He's been married to wife #3 for 20 years. My stepsister and I are BARELY 6 months apart, we were 12 when they got married. Even now, when ever I talk to my father, it's all about Michelle. Michelle this, Michelle that, she's so great, has a great new husband, her daughter is just the greatest.

I on the other hand am crap, and treated as such. I can't do anything right, no man will ever love me, and my boyfriend is just using me for sex and to be a mother to his daughter. My father has never met my boyfriend or his daughter. He gets all his information from his mother who, aside from being an 80 year old senile alcoholic is pissed off that I spend more time working, looking for a fulltime job (I'm a teacher) and going to graduate school (I'm doing my PhD in History) that I can't take care of her.

But enough about that.
Loving your husband is obvious.
Creating a stable, structured home helps provide stability.
LOVE your stepchild. you may not like them, but they need to know that you love them. (Lord knows sometimes I don't like my boyfriend's daughter, but I love her like she were my own)

And if you have kids of your own... DO NOT play favorites, or make your husband (or wife) play favorites!

[crackerbuzz]

Originally Posted by lola

I can't exactly tell how I could become a good stepmother because I am not but if I will be one I would love and treat my step children as I my own children.

Easier said than done...

Unfortunately blood has a unique way of rising above non blood...No matter how hard you try. It is unfair sometimes and normally the step parent naturally protects their offspring more than normal in a step role.

[DishOutlaw]

I would say the children have to come first to the step parent. The first step in being a step parent is establishing communication. This may mean becoming friends before a parent. The biological parent has to take the control over the child and be the sole discipline for a while to give the step parent and the child time to adjust. I really wish I could give more advice. I have had step children in the past but I treated them like my own. Being a step parent really isnt that hard unless you are a selfish person. Yes, that sounds mean but the fact is, selfish people always put them and theirs first, unselfish people think of everyone as people regardless of who they belong to or where they come from.

This is all just my opinion!!