? What is the definition of a GOOD Parent

[sirius8]

This ia a parenting forum. It is designed for all us parents to share their views with others. So as a parent I thought I would ask you all the question...

What is the definition of a GOOD parent?

Thanks
Terry

[Kaytee]

Hard one. I don't think there is one true definaition. I think it can change from parent to parent. For example. I think (as most will already know it is my passion) I think one reason I am a good parent is that I breastfeed my daughter (still do at 20 months0. To me I would have made a mistake by giving formula at any point in her life and it is wrong of me to force weaning on her (even though we are weaning slowly just not cold turkey). BUT I do not think that feeding a child formula is bad and therefore makes them a bad parent. Nor do I think parents that do nurse that wean their child at 6 months to be bad parents.
Does that make sense?

I can tell you that I do think a bad parent is a parent that spanks out of anger, doesn't feed their child appropriately (starvation) does not give their child adequate love, would be in the bad parenting definition.

[fallon]

I think a good parent does the very best they can for their children, as long as you are doing the best you can and you put the child first and above all else you are a good parent

[FooserX]

I think a good parent puts the needs and well being of his or her kid over everything else, including themselves. That includes dating choices, not moving in with a bf/gf, giving up nights with friends, giving up seeing movies with questionable subject matter, being healthy to give yourself the longest life possible to be with your child, giving up personal time to help educate your child, controlling anger and frustration, etc.

To me, it should be a life change, because now everything revolves around making sure your kid grows up to be a good person with a strong work ethic and good moral value system.

It's really easy to be a parent...you just have sex, and pop out a baby. To be a good parent is a lot of work and a lot of sacrifice.

[sirius8]

Originally Posted by Kaytee

I can tell you that I do think a bad parent is a parent that spanks out of anger, doesn't feed their child appropriately (starvation) does not give their child adequate love, would be in the bad parenting definition.

Kaytee, you spoke about spanking out of love. interesting. Do you know that there are organizations and individuals that would say that you are a bad parent for spanking at all. they call this child abuse. Their was even a case, in the US, where a couple were charged for that very thing. Can't remember the outcome, but the point is made that to some, spanking is bad and those that spank are bad parents and should have their children taken away.

Kaytee, how do you define "adequate love"? Is the amount of time spent with your child, considered "adequate" or is it the quality of time? Then one has to define quality.

We all believe we are good parents, but in the eyes of another, we may all be bad parents. It is relative to the viewer, is it not?

what if a child has all the things a rich person can give him including all the love, the education, makes her work for her keep at a job to train them to work for their living when they are out on their own, teaches them how to cook, clean, wash their own clothes, gives them proper manners and everything we may believe is training them to be "good" people. BUT because of certain religious beliefs that we may not approve of, they honestly train them to hate certain people, like Christians. Are they "good" parents?

Remember this is the way those parents believe and they are doing a great job at parenting, but this one particular thing you don't like. Does that disqualify them as "good" parents?

Terry

[fallon]

terry, first off I read the same post you did and didn't yet it seems we read 2 different things. Where does it say "spanking out of love"? As for the parents you described above. I think those people are good parents, they give their child everything they can, and teach then the same beliefs they were taught. Sharing their religion with their children doesn't make them bad parents. Teaching hate would be something from extremist, I don't really think it's worth talking about their parenting skills, as I personally think it's wrong to bring a child up to be filled with hate

[sirius8]

Fallon: My mistake on the spanking out of anger. However, the point is stil valid, I believe.

I agree with you about hating people.

Terry

[fallon]

I agree, your point is valid

[Kaytee]

I never said anything about spanking out of love. I don't spank and believe there is always a better way to deal with things. But Some parents do spank or smack their childs hand if they are about to touch a hot stove. I do not do this, but I would NEVER consider that child abuse.
Adequate love? oh geez, this is another one of those circle games isn't it. There is NO DEFINITION that would be the same for all parents!!! What Fooser said is pretty close to all you can get, though I don't agree with "always over the child" I wish it was that easy but its kind of a circle too. For example. If a mother has PPD or worse PPP (phychosis) is it better for the child to have that mother leave them with relatives for a month or 2 or 3 so they can get help, in turn putting hte parent first, but in a sense the parents leaving to get help puts the child first? See what I mean. Its a circle. Who is first the child because they will EVENTUALLY have a healthy parent, or the mother for leaving ot get herself help. I hope I am making sense.

Now on to religion: MOST religions including islamic do not advocate hate, but there are extremists out there that do. Thats true with any religion including my beloved Christianity.

All I was trying to say is there is not ONE thing a parent can do that can make them a good parent. It has to be a consieous effort that involves many things. There are certain things that can be done that would equate a BAD PARENTS> Like spanking out of anger would to me make you a bad parent.

[fallon]

well said kaytee