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Old 05-03-2011, 08:50 AM   #1
worriedmother11
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Default !!DRUG DEALING son!! long, very interesting

My 19 y/o son is a senior in high school. He works around 30 hours a week, and has horrible attendence in school, he goes 3/5 days a week and most of the time never stays the whole day. He has never gotten in serious trouble (no detentions, no suspensions) and I have been very wierded out by this. His dean speaks highly of him and so does his teachers in report card comments.

My son has always been respectful, polite, almost TOO clean (hygiene and room) wakes up for school and gets there on his own, he's very independent.

Since he got his job earlier this year, my son started to wear real nice clothes & shoes. I questioned how he was doing this on his own.

He bought a bunch of stuff to turn his room into a small apartment for himself.

My son put a lock on his door to protect his valuables and music equipment.. I did not have much of a problem with this..

He recently asked me to get his laundry from his room while he was working, I got his spare key and started to look around.

High priced liqour bottle collection on his new wall shelving, liqour like hennesy, alize, champagne, expensive vodka

I found what appears to be his stash of marijuana, in 2 stash boxes. pipes, a expensive looking bong..

I knew he smoked pot sometimes. But what I stumbled apon next is what made me nervous..

A pencil box with 100's of empty drug baggies, a scale, and about 15 baggies filled with marijuana obviously for distribution.

I then found about 300 dollars worth of cash ina near by spot. All within 15 minutes of carefully snooping.

I felt sick and stopped looking around.

He's 19, lives in my house, senior in high school, works too much, does his own laundry, takes care of 3 family dogs we have. A great kid just like his older sister. I am shocked.

I don't even know where to start to intervene. We live in a city filled with crime and could get hurt.

All his stuff looks so professional I wouldn't be surprised if he was involved with a gang doing this or if he has any weapons in the house.

We have always been lenient on him, let him have girls over, told him to be careful with smoking pot.

I dont know where to begin
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Old 05-03-2011, 08:55 AM   #2
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Default Re: !!DRUG DEALING son!! long, very interesting

Other than the apparent differences from the normal teen, he loves watching sports, going to his high school sports games, xbox, movies,

I never thought I'd have to worry about this.... but this child seems to have a crazy "somewhat" hidden lifestyle
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Old 05-03-2011, 09:02 AM   #3
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Default Re: !!DRUG DEALING son!! long, very interesting

I want to think on this a little before I answer...I'll be back.
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Old 05-03-2011, 09:06 AM   #4
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Default Re: !!DRUG DEALING son!! long, very interesting

I feel like I cant write enough about him.. everything is so organized. his room looks like the apartment of a man making 120,000 every year.. he makes 8 dollars an hour!
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Old 05-04-2011, 02:55 AM   #5
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Default Re: !!DRUG DEALING son!! long, very interesting

I bet you are pretty worried right now! I get the feeling that you almost don't want to say anything about it because he is so good in so many ways. But you certainly have to say something, if only to protect the rest of the family. Selling pot in small quantities may seem like no big deal to him, and maybe to a lot of people, but it certainly lead to some very very serious consequences or to something much more troubling.

You can try to approach him by letting him know that it just simply does not add up that he is able to afford all of the nice things he has on $150 a week gross pay. That you are not a fool, and you know that something else is going on. Make sure he knows that what he is doing is putting his entire future at risk. Make sure he understands that it is also putting the rest of the family at risk and that it must cease immediately or he needs to leave the home.

I am sure that you want to protect him, but you can not protect him if you are also doing it at the cost of the rest of the family.

I personally would take the lock off the room and go in there right away and start digging out all of the things that should not be there. It's one thing to smoke pot sometimes and it's a whole other ball game when you have enough of it to distribute and have all the other supplies a dealer has.

He sounds like a smart kid. Hopefully just talking to him logically about all of the consequences will be enough to make him give it up. It probably will be a little harder that that though. Usually once people have a taste of money they don't really want to give it up.

Good luck. I'd am curious to hear how this works out.
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Old 05-04-2011, 12:15 PM   #6
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Default Re: !!DRUG DEALING son!! long, very interesting

other kids in the house?

Is he making you/them a potential target when something does go the way he planned on a deal?

I agree that you confront him with the fact that you're not an idiot. You've obviously turned a blind eye for a long time and now that you can't avoid the truth, you have to do something. Either he cleans up (while he's at home) or he moves out - now. I don't see any other options for you.
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Old 05-04-2011, 11:50 PM   #7
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Default Re: !!DRUG DEALING son!! long, very interesting

Ok, I have been thinking about this for a while now. I actually intended not to reply because, having a history with drugs, this is a touchy subject for me. But I can't keep quiet.

You son seems like an intelligent, together you man, and it sounds like you are proud of him. You probably have a lot of reason to be. However, in this instance, there is nothing that could make what he is doing even remotely OK. Dealing drugs is the work of a professional criminal. He is making seemingly large amounts of money through illegal activities that puts you and the rest of your family in danger, not to even mention his so-called "clients", or rather, victims.

I agree 100% percent with IADad about confronting him and telling him you're not an idiot. Me, I would take the attitude of clean up or get out, or I call the cops. I would not, under any circumstances, tolerate something like this in my house. I would even go as far as to make him donate all his ill-gotten possessions to a suitable charity, but that's just me. I cannot claim to be objective here.

I know there is a school of thought that would say its only pot, and that he does not force his clients to buy. That is a very long debate, so let me just say that "only pot" is often only the beginning, and the very act of making drugs available enables others to continue to destroy their lives. I don't know if this is true for your son, but in my experience most drug dealers will go out of their way to make it difficult for the clients to clean up. Business is business, after all.

If he does not understand why it is wrong, perhaps take him for a little visit to your nearest detox clinic, and let him see first hand what drugs do to the human body.

I understand that he is your son, and you do not want to jeopardise your relationship with him or get him into trouble. However, you cannot turn a blind eye to this. It is too serious.

PS: I'm sorry if I sound harsh - I do have a lot of sympathy for you as his mother. It must be a complete nightmare to discover that your son, of whom you are so proud, is really a criminal. I just don't have any sympathy for him at all...
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Old 05-05-2011, 02:50 AM   #8
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Default Re: !!DRUG DEALING son!! long, very interesting

I can't really advise you much on what to do. This is big. Really big, and your reaction will have to be equally big. I think you've been given some good advice here. I know it will be hard to swallow and even harder to follow, but you can't let this go. This could not only affect you, your family, your son's clients and their families, it could determine which way your son's life goes from here. He seems to have great potential. He could use it to continue on the path he's on, or to go in a completely different direction. Ultimately, that's up to him, but if you don't act, you will be complicit.

I want to comment about the reaction he gets at school. You say you live in a tough neighborhood. I teach in a tough neighborhood. I understand why a child who makes acceptable if not impressive grades, often does not go to school, but who is organized, quiet, and who minds his own business and is relatively respectful would be praised. That's how low the standards drop when the majority of his peers are loud, rude, and go out of their way to draw attention to themselves, often by doing something destructive or violent. It is a shame. It is almost criminal. It is part of the problem. Don't, as his parent, fall for the same drop in expectations. Hold your son to higher standards.

Good luck. I feel for you. I would suggest you talk to someone because you are bound to be going through the grieving process about this. At least know the stages so you can understand why you are angry, in denial, etc.
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Old 06-13-2011, 09:07 PM   #9
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Default Re: !!DRUG DEALING son!! long, very interesting

I registered an account specifically so I could post on this issue. My son had a very similar situation when he was in high school, and I felt very conflicted.

On the one hand, your son clearly is business minded and is able to make relatively complex and 'adult' decisions about his life. He has a perception of a lifestyle that he wants, and he is doing his best to achieve that lifestyle.

I would absolutely not barge into your son's room, throwing out his things, etc. I would confront him adult-adult, letting him know that his actions might have potential long term consequences and that he needs to move his business out of the home. I would not want to risk turning him into more of a delinquent, but at the same time, he needs to re-evaluate his priorities.

There is nothing wrong with small amounts of drug use, and even the dealing and distribution of marijuana (as evidenced in de-criminalized states) does not need to be attended with paranoia and knee jerk reactions. However, when grades and attendance starts to slip, it is time for a balancing act.

I would not get the police involved, and I wouldn't do anything that would push my son out of my family/life. A police record will truly ruin his life, and will ensure that he never puts his business acumen to use in a more legitimate way.
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Old 06-14-2011, 07:13 AM   #10
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Default Re: !!DRUG DEALING son!! long, very interesting

CK - Glad to have you here. Hope you decide to stick around and post on more subjects.

Consider dropping by the Intro Thread and introducing yourself. Please give a look at the rules too. This post is an example of a slight and very common infraction. You see WM11 hasn't posted anything here in over a month, so while you had valuable things to contribute, you're not goinng to reach your intended audience. So, that's why we have a guideline that asks that you not bump a thread that hasn't had any discussion in the last 30 days. And I'm not trying to single you out on this, but using it as an example so everyone can see why it's a little counter productive. So, I hope you don't feel picked on. It's an honest and well intended mistake.

Again, I do hope you stick around, I'm sure we could use the benefit of your experience as well as your professional expertise.
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