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    Old 05-22-2011, 07:56 PM   #1
    Andrew14
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    Default Telling my parents I'm moving out

    I know this is a parenting forum, and I'm not a parent, but I really need a parent's advice.

    I'm 18 years old, and I want to move out, because I'm in a position where I make enough to do so. I work about 45-55 hours a week doing landscaping at a golf course, plus I usually do a couple side jobs each week (mowing, mulch, whatever) just because I can. I already have enough money set aside for school next fall (Paramedic program at a local college), and a little bit in savings just in case something bad happens (car troubles, health problems, whatever). So, it's not like I'd be barely able to survive.

    Now, the problem is that my parents are very conservative, very family orientated, and think I should stay at home untill I get my "career" started. They think I should stay at home as long as possible. Also, I've gotten into some trouble before (smoking pot, drinking underage, typical rebellion), so things are a little tense with them. I don't drink anymore at all, and I don't argue with them much at all, but things are still tense because they know that I still smoke pot every so often and they absolutely hate it, even though I don't do it at home.

    I want to tell them I'm moving out, but I don't want to upset them too much or ruin my relationship with them. If I thought that I could just tell them and they'd be supportive, I wouldn't be here. How should I go about this? What would you want your kid to explain/say/do to help put your mind at ease? I already have a place picked out, and to my knowledge a pretty good understanding of what I'd be paying as far as bills go.

    I really do care about my parents, and I really want to move out. I just want to let them know in the best possible way so as to not have them disappointed in me or think I don't love them or anything like that. Also, I already pay for my insurance/gas/everything I buy, but my car is in my dad's name and I owe him about $400 on it, which I could pay off but he only requires $50 a month on it. I'm afraid that he might threaten to take the car if I move out, but I'm not 100% sure if he'd actually do it. So I want to keep things as good as possible between us (not only for that, but...kinda in large part for that).

    Can anyone offer some advice on how to go about telling them?

    Last edited by Andrew14; 05-22-2011 at 07:59 PM..
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    Old 05-23-2011, 02:49 AM   #2
    stjohnjulie
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    Default Re: Telling my parents I'm moving out

    What do you think is their main reasons are for not wanting you to move out? I'm guessing that you've talked to them about this somewhat in the past, is there anything they have verbalized? Are they going to miss you? Are they afraid you are going to party? Do they think that you can't handle it financially?

    I would say that the best way to convince them that you can do this, that you should do this, is to tackle their concerns one by one. If they are afraid that you can't afford it, then show them your DETAILED budget...the one that includes you saving money for emergencies If they are going to be missing the heck out of you, then tell them which day of the week you will be over for dinner....etc.

    What are your plans when you start school? Will you be able to afford living on your own and paying for school if you are working less? Is the work you do now seasonal? Will you be able to do the same work you are doing now on a reduced schedule while you are in school?

    As far as the car goes, can you pay your dad off early? It's nice that he gave you a loan with such affordable payments! but if you can, I would go ahead and pay it off as fast as you can without throwing your budget out of whack.

    So what are YOUR main reasons for wanting to move out? I know at your age, the only thing I wanted to do is get out of the house and be on my own. I dreamed of it for years!!! Once I was out on my own I struggled financially for years. I know if I would have stayed 'under their wing' a little longer that I would have had an easier time of it, but my independence was so important to me that I lost sight of everything else.

    You sound like a pretty responsible young man. And it's really nice that you don't want to hurt your parents. I think that if you can identify their fears and concerns that it would be the best way to go about it. Make sure to keep an open mind when talking with them. They are older and have more experience and might have some really good advice for you. Things that you may not have even thought of.

    Good luck and can't wait to hear how things go!
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    Old 05-23-2011, 08:14 AM   #3
    Dadu2004
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    Default Re: Telling my parents I'm moving out

    I'm with Julie on this one...a detailed budget to present to them would be a great idea. The fact of the matter is that you're 18 and a legal adult...it's time for them to cut the strings and allow you to be your own person. They can't rule over you forever, and if you're able to do it on your own, then go for it. Present them what you can to convince them that you'll be fine, but let them know if they argue that ultimately its your decision and that you're going to be moving out whether or not they agree with it.
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    Old 05-23-2011, 01:55 PM   #4
    NancyM
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    Default Re: Telling my parents I'm moving out

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Dadu2004 View Post
    I'm with Julie on this one...a detailed budget to present to them would be a great idea. The fact of the matter is that you're 18 and a legal adult...it's time for them to cut the strings and allow you to be your own person. They can't rule over you forever, and if you're able to do it on your own, then go for it. Present them what you can to convince them that you'll be fine, but let them know if they argue that ultimately its your decision and that you're going to be moving out whether or not they agree with it.

    I don't know, I'm probably not the right person to ask on this, I want my son to live with us forever!! lol I know he's a smart person and very capable of taking care of himself. He works hard, makes his own money too and goes to school as well. He thinks about leaving sometimes and it's his life we know, It's just nice having him around.

    Dadu...I hope you remember the advice you gave here when Delaney is 18 and wants to move out.! lol
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    Old 05-23-2011, 02:32 PM   #5
    TabascoNatalie
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    Default Re: Telling my parents I'm moving out

    do you have any siblings? if you do, are you oldest or youngest?

    some parents are just afraid of an "empty nest", some don't want to lose control. myself i faced quite a scandal at home when i was moving out. with conservative parents -- that's quite likely to happen. but be brave -- this scandal wouldn't be too long. after all, you're guy, and parents are usually more protective of girls.

    maybe not much of a helpful advice, but i know a family where children bought their mother a dog before moving out.
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    Old 05-23-2011, 04:17 PM   #6
    Andrew14
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    Default Re: Telling my parents I'm moving out

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by stjohnjulie View Post
    What do you think is their main reasons are for not wanting you to move out? I'm guessing that you've talked to them about this somewhat in the past, is there anything they have verbalized? Are they going to miss you? Are they afraid you are going to party? Do they think that you can't handle it financially?
    I guess they are just worried I'll fail. I've brought it up to them...kinda - things like "my friend has a room for rent" and "how much do most people spend on rent on a first place". Haven't sat down and laid out my plans though. I'd be moving about a half hour away, so it's not like I'd never ever see them. They probably think I'll party and get into some bad things, but to be honest, I literally don't have the time for that. I wake up at 5:30am for work, and am usually asleep by 11pm, except for Saturday nights. The only thing I do remotely close to partying is hanging out at peoples houses or going downtown, or smoking pot (helps me fall asleep).

    Quote:
    What are your plans when you start school? Will you be able to afford living on your own and paying for school if you are working less? Is the work you do now seasonal? Will you be able to do the same work you are doing now on a reduced schedule while you are in school?

    As far as the car goes, can you pay your dad off early? It's nice that he gave you a loan with such affordable payments! but if you can, I would go ahead and pay it off as fast as you can without throwing your budget out of whack.
    Nothing should change too much. I'll cut back to about 30 hours a week, and since I'd be going to school at night, it wouldn't be a problem. I already have enough to pay for school, and with all the overtime I get during this summer I should be fine. The work is seasonal, but I'll keep at around 45 hours a week up untill September, then cut back until around March. I could pay it off right now, but that'd cut into the money I have set aside for school. I reeeeeally do not want to touch that money, because I don't want to be stuck doing landscaping forever.


    Quote:
    Good luck and can't wait to hear how things go!
    Thanks. Last question: how long before the day I move out should I tell them? As soon as possible? A week before? I don't want to live the next few weeks walking on egg shells because my parents are pissed that I'm leaving, but then again I don't want to be like "oh...so...I'm out next week."

    Quote:
    do you have any siblings? if you do, are you oldest or youngest?
    I have one brother (he's 21), so I'm the youngest (18). He's going to a university in town, and he can't afford to move out + pay for school.

    ---

    Thanks for all the advice everyone!
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    Old 05-24-2011, 03:33 AM   #7
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    Default Re: Telling my parents I'm moving out

    Andrew, can you tell me why it is that you want to move out? I mean, I know the independence is great, but just wondering if you have any other reasons. Free rent, utilities, etc is an awesome thing As an older adult, I can tell you this So I guess I wouldn't pass that up without good reason. If you could take all the money you would spend on rent and utilities while you are in school, you would have a nice little pile of money by the time you graduate. Maybe even have enough for a down payment on a house once you get a job in your field.

    But if you have already decided...then I would start talking to your parents about it now. Funny, when I moved out at 18.5, my folks seem surprised even though I said I was moving out of their house for several years. I even tried to get emancipated at 16 so I could get out. Anyhow, I would get them used to the idea as soon as you can because if you do fail, they are probably going to be the ones to catch you. You don't want to spring it on them at the last minute, ya know?

    When do you plan on moving out?
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    Old 05-24-2011, 06:13 AM   #8
    Dadu2004
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    Default Re: Telling my parents I'm moving out

    Quote:
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    Dadu...I hope you remember the advice you gave here when Delaney is 18 and wants to move out.! lol
    See...when it's my daughter it's a different story.
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    Old 05-24-2011, 07:06 AM   #9
    NancyM
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    Default Re: Telling my parents I'm moving out

    Quote:
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    See...when it's my daughter it's a different story.

    Spoken like a true loving dad. lol Your daughter is beautiful.
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    Old 05-24-2011, 07:59 AM   #10
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    Default Re: Telling my parents I'm moving out

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by stjohnjulie View Post
    Andrew, can you tell me why it is that you want to move out? I mean, I know the independence is great, but just wondering if you have any other reasons. Free rent, utilities, etc is an awesome thing As an older adult, I can tell you this
    i lived with my parents when i was first year at university. there were good things, like free rent, fridge always full, and no need to worry about crazy roommates, who would play a vile prank on you, or steal from you. the worst thing parents can do is nagging, or yelling sometimes...but not much more.

    BUT...a big BUT... living your life as a child you miss out on many things your peers do living without parents. you miss the whole STUDENT LIFE.

    partying, having sex, coming home very late... parents don't aprove of that. but its a part of being young.

    to Andrew, you're an adult man, so act like a man. don't be sneaky don't ask, don't beg... maybe serve your parents some coffee and say... mom, dad, i love your home, but i must live on my own now. Let them see where you go before you do. and if they scream at you, stay civilized
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