Daughter without a father (in the house)

[Kaytee]

You better believe my dad showed me how to live a day to day life with all that jazz. Heck my husband only sees Nichole for 2-3 hours a day. He lives with her day to day, he is just not home all day like I am. So is he not raising his daughter?

[fallon]

I hear ya Kaytee, by the time my guy gets home theres dinner, bath, bed. He sees the kids, mind you with all that going on, for about 3.5 hours during the week

[Tau]

Fooser,

I agree that when both couples are really willing to dig in and do the very hard work required, they can surpass nearly any obstacle in their way. Unfortunately, a lot of the time, both parties do not share the same level of commitment to that hard work.

Once one person loses the desire to do the work - the marriage/relationship is over.

[jtee]

Being married (or committed relationship for those who can't\won't get married) and raising children is likely to be the hardest thing a person does in their life. There are many justified reasons for people to part ways, and both are better off, and the children are better off. Always ideal to find this out before marriage and children, but that is not the reality. People fall in love and then move too fast into marriage\family before they have a good grip on life. Some stayed unhappily married for many years, and I tend to think that is likely to make for a very stressful and unhappy home life for children.

What I fully support many organized religions in asking an engaged couple to wait 1 year before getting married. Those who do get married after waiting 1 year have a much lower divorce rate than those who don't wait because during that 1 year period, many engaged couples decide not to get married. That 1 year waiting period significantly helps couples figure out if they are truly meant to be in a long term married relationship for life. Most couples get married with the intent to stay married for life, so 1 year really give them a fair amount of time to think about it.

With that said, I know one couple who met and get married within 6 days, and they have been married for 30 years. Sometimes a couple just "knows", but I still advise people wait just to be sure.

[Kaytee]

Agree jtee. We did not wait a full year before getting married but then again we had been together for 6 years prior. So technically we never really had a engaged day.

[onatteni]

fooser l agree with you! understanding and commitment is inevitable if we must invole ourselves in relationships that ultimately affect the lives of other people, yourself and the general society.ones sense of purpose, comittment and preparedness must be clearly evaluated atleast before venturing into relationships.if you want to have sex, be prepared to be committed to what comes out of sex! its a complete package!The quality of nations and states in the world today is greatly influenced by the quality of relationships and parental focus on the development of the child-that's the foundation!and l bet you it holds far more prospects doing it with the one with whom you had the committment in the first place.When a child is involved its no longer just between you and the woman/man in the relationship-many more interest are at stake! quality living is not all about what we like or cannot accomodate, its more of the sacrifices we can take to responsibly affect the outcome and expectations of others.Sex and pre-marital sex emphasizes more of what we get as opposed to building a healthy family which emphasizes more of what we can give to make things happen for others.We should combine both and not select convenience.if you can have sex with somebody, you should be able to tolerate them.Do everything possible to keep your woman, love your children together, and stand together to wage life's many battles, and leave the rest to posterity.We need more healthy relationships and families to achieve a better world.

[fallon]

onattenti- relationships don't always stay healthy and if there is no saving them the family isn't going to be happy. It would be great if it was always possible to save your relationship but it just isn't. Sometimes no matter how hard you fight it ends and life goes on, if it's done right nobody suffers. To stay in and unhappy place will only make things harder on everyone

[onatteni]

what makes relationship healthy or not? you! its takes certain values and personality to make things happen on this planet. This is not just restricted to family relationships. to be successful at anything you'll have to know how to manage relationships pertinent to your interest:getting through school, career and personal development,business development, managing hings or people etc.All of these demand a certain degree of purposefulness, committment, discipline and a certain sense of sacrifice to accomplish. Getting out of relationships without learning to deal with the issues that threaten that relationship will ulltimately prepare you to fail in another relationship.But if after giving in all your applicable best and your peace, particularly your life is still threatened, then you may consider a separation.All am saying is family relationships are worth standing for, but most importantly, it takes certain personality values to wage through its many challenges.Most times its not about the problems of your parner, but your inability to skillfully manage the situation.To be successful at anything you'll require certain skills, and in family and personal relationmships you'll even require more-else you'll just keep running out!

[Kaytee]

Originally Posted by onatteni

what makes relationship healthy or not? you! its takes certain values and personality to make things happen on this planet. This is not just restricted to family relationships. to be successful at anything you'll have to know how to manage relationships pertinent to your interest:getting through school, career and personal development,business development, managing hings or people etc.All of these demand a certain degree of purposefulness, committment, discipline and a certain sense of sacrifice to accomplish. Getting out of relationships without learning to deal with the issues that threaten that relationship will ulltimately prepare you to fail in another relationship.But if after giving in all your applicable best and your peace, particularly your life is still threatened, then you may consider a separation.All am saying is family relationships are worth standing for, but most importantly, it takes certain personality values to wage through its many challenges.Most times its not about the problems of your parner, but your inability to skillfully manage the situation.To be successful at anything you'll require certain skills, and in family and personal relationmships you'll even require more-else you'll just keep running out!

The problem with this theory (which I agree with) is that it only works if both parties are wanting it to work If one of them is not ALL in it, then it will never work and life will be miserable.

[fallon]

personally, I was in a very unhealthy relationship, nobody was happy and not everyone involved was willing to make it work so it didn't. I don't feel at all like that set me up to fail in any future relationships. I am in a very stong relationship now. I feel stonger for being able to make it through the things I did. Until you have walked a mile in somebody elses shoes you really don't have room to judge them or their choices