dealing with a teenager?

[herbrother]

I'm not exactly a parent, but a situation occured & now I have to raise my baby sister, she's 15 & I'm 22 (I'm her brother).

Anyway, I've been googling for hours things like "raising teenage sister" or "dealing with teenage sister", but nothing useful came out, so I googled parenting community & decided to ask real parents.

She's been with me for a little bit over a week now, & I never realized how difficult I was to my parents 'till now, everything starts in the morning, I wait for her in my car for half an hour (to take her to school), only to go back in & see her watching tv or talking on the phone, & so far my costs have tripled over the past week.

Things that happened over the past week:
- I had to go to school twice (school trouble).
- I had to pick her up from four different places so far.
- I dumped my gf.
- I realized she's not a baby anymore & calling her pet names became awkward, she also doesn't like sitting on my lap anymore.
- decided not to have kids ever.
- missed the days when I was just her big brother, my only job was entertainment & threatening every guy that comes close to her.

Any advice from experienced parents?

[gulechka]

I say, applying strict rules is absolutely necessary. Don't be mushy, exusive of not appropriate behavior.

[gulechka]

Plus don't take it on yourself. Your life is separate life and should remain uninfluenced by , especially, your sister's behavior.

[Your_faded_star]

Originally Posted by gulechka

Plus don't take it on yourself. Your life is separate life and should remain uninfluenced by , especially, your sister's behavior.

Exactly. Don't let her keep you from having your own life, although I haven't dated since I started to care for my sister. DEFINITELY setting string boundaries and keeping to them 110% of the time. also keep in mind she's her own person, and at the age she's at she wants to be that more than any thing right now.

Find your secret weapon, that one thing she can't live without and utilize that to make her tore the line, but be reasonable with it, don't abuse that power lol

Also maybe keep in mind what ever situation has made you have to care for her may be affecting her more than you realize.

There was a sort time where I felt like I was running a boot camp to get my sister into a schedule and realize what to expect from me. IE: ”you have 20 min to shower before I cut the water off” ”you have half an hour to be ready to walk out the door or I'm leaving
without you” etc. I felt like the meanest person Ever, and she hated me for a sort time but it worked and we get along better than ever now. It takes time to get out of ”you're just my brother” mode into ”you're my dad now” mode, which you are. Its gonna be tough but it will get better. =) I can't say how many times I locked myself in my closet and cried. Hope this helps, feel free to message me if you ever need any help.

Also you mentioned something about your costs Going up? kids are expensive, no one likes to do it but I was on public assistance for a time till I got settled into our situation. Just an idea.

[Your_faded_star]

I don't see an edit post button, sorry if my spelling stinks, posting from my phone again. Hope you can read through the errors lol. Sorry!

[alter ego]

I personally would take a more of a 'guide' role than a 'parent' role at that age. Im guessing theres been a bit of drama for her to be in your care, and some 'acting out' would be normal.
Id be talking to her as much as possible, find out her hopes and hobbies, then use that to guide her ie 'school is so important for going to xyz college, are you having problems there?'
at this age she is able to be reasoned with and have a say into her life.

[Sallyskidshop]

Hi Her Brother

Please go to my website http://www.raisinggrandchildren.net.nz there is a lot of information that may help you.

Don't let her rule your life, you do need to live your own.

[DadofTeen]

Her Brother,

Sounds like a sticky situation. I have friend who is in a similar situation. She took in her 18 and 22 year old sisters because of a situation. She is 30 and is now playing the role of parent too.

First, have you both discussed the circumstances of how your situation came to be and how neither of you (I'm assuming here) wanted the situation how it is - but have to "deal" with it the best way you can?

This will allow you to help her understand your side of the issue as well.

Have you even decided if you are going to play the role of "parent" or "brother'?

This will be important in creating your strategic plan for creating a healthy environment.

Curious to know your answers...

DoT.

[momtoallkids]

since i dont know the circumstances of what put her in your custody in the first place, im only going on assumptions.

she may be acting out to attempt to drive you away from her. kinda like "if i make him miserable hell send me back"
shes 15 and you are 22? dont try to play parent. that would work if she was 5 maybe even 10 but shes 15. continue to be her brother but be the protective caring concerned brother. let her know that you are not trying to replace her parents but that she isnt going to walk all over you either.

my siblings are 16 and 18 and if something were to happen where someone needed to take them in, i would hope that i would be last on the list. they are the worst kids i have ever met. they are rude, disrespectful, horrible kids. i look at my mother and simply say "see, i wasnt that bad now was i?" i hate saying that about my own siblings but its true. they are outright rotten! i dont even bring my own kids around them because i dont want them rubbing off. with that said, believe me when i say, it could be worse.

its gonna take alot of time but you got to drill it into her head what is acceptable and what isnt. dont just lay down and take it. stick to your guns. its not going to happen overnight, but eventually she will get the point. remember what being a teenager is like. they know everything, your the idiot, and whatever you say goes in one ear and out the other. start taking privaleges away. on the phone all the time not doing what shes supposed to do? take away the phone and make her earn it back. sits in front of the tv instead? hide the remote. trouble at school? she doesnt leave the house until there are positive changes. eventually she will figure out that this isnt a game and you are in charge.