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Old 03-04-2012, 09:42 PM   #1
Scott
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Default Spanking Teenagers

I'm curious to hear what other parents' views are on spanking teenagers. I have two sons, ages 12 and 15. Although they're both generally well-behaved, even they need to be disciplined from time to time. This has usually involved grounding them or taking away privileges. However, I've come to realize that these kinds of measures don't always work so well. I think that in some instances a harsher punishment is called for.


So recently I've been pondering whether or not I should introduce spanking as another means of discipline to be used in certain circumstances. I've given it a good deal of consideration myself, but I'd like to hear your thoughts on the matter as well.


Now I realize that spanking can be a controversial topic, especially when it comes to older children such as my own. Again, the ages of my sons are 12 and 15. So that's one teen and one preteen. Please let me know what your opinions are on this subject and whether you think there are situations where spanking teenagers can be acceptable. If you feel that gender is important, remember that both of my children are boys so please focus your responses on teenage boys rather than girls.
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Old 03-04-2012, 10:16 PM   #2
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Default Re: Spanking Teenagers

Im not a 'spanking parent' but I dont disgree with it in young children.

However, I feel that a 12yr old is really quite borderline, I dont think its an appropriate time to start, id say its the time to end it. 15, for me, out of the question no.

I think 12 and 15 are now at an age where you can have deeper level conversations, thsy can understand more complex ideas so I dont think there is reason to spank a teenager other than for power (which isnt right in ths first place)
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Old 03-04-2012, 11:00 PM   #3
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Default Re: Spanking Teenagers

Thanks for those thoughts, cybele. I realize that the ages are quite borderline, which is why I've given this so much consideration.


As far as having deeper conversations with them, I wholeheartedly agree. I think communicating with your teens and discussing things with them is one of the most effective ways of parenting them. But I guess what I was really asking about was an actual punishment. While a conversation is certainly a good starting point, I wouldn't consider it a substitute for, say, a grounding. I think some cases call for an actual consequence in addition to a good conversation.
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Old 03-05-2012, 03:14 AM   #4
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Default Re: Spanking Teenagers

I agree wholeheartedly with cybele re. them being too old for spanking, and especially too old to start now. My guess is that you'd only trigger more rebellion if you start spanking now.

Unfortunately you don't give examples of what you wish to punish them for, so its a bit difficult to really give suggestions for alternatives. Basically - if its just normal teenage stuff like neglecting chores, being disrespectful, missing curfew etc, I'd simply let them feel the natural consequences of their actions, of course, coupled with a discussion on exactly why you object to their behavior, what the consequences are, and what you expect from them instead...

Of course, if its more than average teenage stuff (I'm talking criminality, acting out in, or skipping school to the point where their school marks suffer, etc) I'd say some investigation is needed into why they do what they do. Solutions are always more effective if they address the cause, and not just the symptoms.
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Old 03-05-2012, 07:38 AM   #5
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Default Re: Spanking Teenagers

They are at the age where there are other measures that can be used and be much more effective.
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Old 03-05-2012, 09:23 AM   #6
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Default Re: Spanking Teenagers

Absolutely not. Agree with the above.
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Old 03-05-2012, 09:25 PM   #7
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Default Re: Spanking Teenagers

Thanks for the opinions everyone.

Quote:
Originally Posted by singledad View Post
if its just normal teenage stuff like neglecting chores, being disrespectful, missing curfew etc, I'd simply let them feel the natural consequences of their actions, of course, coupled with a discussion on exactly why you object to their behavior, what the consequences are, and what you expect from them instead...
Yes, I would say it is "normal teenage stuff" and not something more serious like criminal behavior. Problem is, I've tried exactly what you and others have suggested, i.e. verbally addressing the situation and allowing them to feel the natural consequences of their actions, and I haven't seen any improvement in behavior. I've told my son to be home at a certain time, addressed it with him when he hasn't, only to see the same thing happen again. I think part of the problem is that there really aren't any natural consequences to such behavior.


I just feel like I need assert myself more and show them who's in charge. I don't think spanking is a perfect solution, but I do think it would definitely shake things up and make a bold statement, unlike my past attempts. Whether it's ultimately effective only time will tell. But I feel like it's at least worth a shot.
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Old 03-05-2012, 10:00 PM   #8
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Default Re: Spanking Teenagers

Quote:
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I think part of the problem is that there really aren't any natural consequences to such behavior.
There aren't? So you can abuse freedom and trust and there are no consequences? You can abuse privileges and still keep them?

Dude, You need to think more laterally.

Unless your mind is made up, that is. And your last paragraph certainly makes it look like it is...
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Old 03-05-2012, 10:54 PM   #9
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Default Re: Spanking Teenagers

My mind isn't made up, that's why I'm here. But I will say I'm leaning more towards trying it than I had in the past.


And as far as misbehavior not having natural consequences, my point was that there's much less of a cause-and-effect between typical teen misbehavior and consequences vs. more serious/criminal behavior and its consequences. If a teen starts taking drugs, he can get addicted or spend time in jail. If he doesn't do his chores...well then the chores just don't get done. In cases like this, it falls on the parents to actually create consequences or else there won't be any.
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Old 03-06-2012, 02:16 AM   #10
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Default Re: Spanking Teenagers

When my kids leave dirty dishes around the house they find them on their beds. When they dont wash their clothes they go to school smelling and get picked on. When they dont clean their rooms mice wake them up in the middle of the night.

I really dont think spanking will get you anywhere, to start spanking a 15yr old, id say it would probably end in the 15yr old claiming abuse.
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