How do you do it?

[AmynKayla]

I mean, and keep your sanity. I cant imagine how some of you guys manage, especially with more than one. I know being a parent is hard, but I'm not sure I'm cut out for this... I can honestly say I've never been so angry/upset/scared/ready to come unglued in my life!

I got a call this morning that Kayla had "disappeared". She was in school today as we have an appointment tomorrow so she would have had to miss. After morning recess, she wasn't in her classroom. They have supervisors at recess and nobody noticed anything. At first they thought she was in the school somewhere so were looking thinking she was hiding somewhere until one of the older kids told the principal that they saw her wandering off school property.

They immediately called the police and called me. They had the police, the principal, vice principal and school councillor all out looking for her. I was out looking for her but was 20 mins from town so it took some time to get into town to start searching for her. It was over an hour before one of the RCMP officers found her wandering down one of the million roads in the area, just outside of town. I was told this wasn't the first time she's done this, but this is the first time she's done this to ME. I didn't know if I should hug her or choke her (kidding). When asked why, she said "I dont know" in her quiet, I-know-I'm-in-trouble, innocent voice.

I dont know what to do. I have never been so scared. I kept telling myself "we'll find her" but the longer time passed, the more worried I got. I thought "I cant even keep tabs on one kid..." It was the longest hour of my life. I honestly cant even look at her without feeling like I'm going to fall apart. Amy

[mom2many]

Who says any parent out there is sane? I think they are hard to find

My oldest girl had a really hard time when she was in 1st grade. We had a few problems and for her they were huge struggles. First my husband and I got back together and he came home with 2 siblings for our kids. Then I got held up by gun point and as much as I tried not to let the kids know they knew...as kids generally do.

My DD refused to get dressed for school, many times going to school in PJ's and unbrushed hair. then she would lock herself in the bathroom, the doors had to be removed. The worst is when she bolted from her teacher, took off as fast as she could. Teacher took off after her but could not catch her (teacher was wearing flip flops of all days!). Now picture Los Angels right by the LAX airport and the amount of traffic there is. Her poor teacher had a bigger heart attack then I did. She finally caught her...2 miles from the school. After that she had a teachers aid with her at all times. It took about 3 months and some serious counseling to get that all under control.

As a parent, you just do what you have to do. It's like AA, you take one day at a time.

[AmynKayla]

Thanks. I've had a few hours to calm down but its just that panic. Like "what do you mean, you cant find her??" and once you process it. At first I thought "oh, she's just hiding somewhere. She's okay" but the longer it took to find her, the more my imagination started to take over. What if she's been hit by a car? What if some pedophile picked her up? She's locked herself in her bedroom and I'm not even sure how to start this conversation. She knows I'm upset (hense locking herself in her room). "I dont know" just isn't good enough for me right now. Only a couple more weeks left and the school year is over.... Amy

[NancyM]

Oh my God that must have been terrifying for you to go through Amy.

I'm so glad they found her and she's ok.

Try to realx now. Do you have someone to talk to, like a friend or family member.

[mom/gram/prof]

Thank heaven they found her. Now, once you feel more calm about it, as I am sure you know, you do need to try to understand, and help her understand why this happened.

If you can approach it as a mutual effort to understand--without blaming--maybe you could talk together about what was happening before she took off, what she had been doing, thinking, feeling. It is hard to do this non-judgmentally, and also hard for a seven year old to see any way to connect these dots, but maybe, if you could just talk as if you were helping her to remember the situation it might bring up some insights. Certainly, if it repeats then it is time for professional help. Wish you the best here.

[akmom]

To be fair, your situation is incredibly challenging compared to what most parents face. When we get our children, they come as a tiny little package that can't get away! We have like 5 months before they can even sit up, about 8 months before they can get anywhere, and typically a year before they can walk away. And we have all this time to establish authority, and handle each issue as it arrives. You suddenly inherited seven years of issues for which you were not present, in a very mobile seven-year-old package. From the posts I read, you have the patience of a saint. Kayla is really lucky to have ended up with someone like you.

Now you just need a GPS tracking device that she'll wear...

[bssage]

Feel your pain. We were woken one morning by a cop at the door holding Chloe by the hand just wearing panties. She had been walking in the road when neighbors alerted police who retrieved her. I think an abducted child is every parents worst nightmare.

We have a lot of things set up for Chloe. Including but not limited to meetings I had with the local police to explain our situation.

I think in you specific case I would be kinda aggressive with the school. Especially since they were aware that a history of escapism was present. I think at this point I would sit down with them and ask to discuss and review the plan to keep her safe.

good luck.

[csdax]

Wow. I can't imagine how scared you must have been.

I think you're being too hard on yourself, though ... "I cant even keep tabs on one kid..." You weren't the one responsible for her at the time: the school was. We all send our kids off to school, relying on them to keep them safe. If the school is having problems with this, THEY need to figure out what THEY are going to do about it. Of course you're questioning how you can keep your sanity when you're 'on duty' 24-7, and can't even send her to school without worrying whether they're keeping track of her.

Cut yourself some slack ... but not the school.

I'm glad you found her safe!

[AmynKayla]

I'm sorry to say, but I ended up losing my cool and grounded her through the weekend. I feel guilty for losing my temper, but I guess nobody's perfect.

Turns out she was running away. She had a specialist appointment on Friday and she was afraid that the dr would be upset with her because she's not been doing very well and she didn't want to go see her, so instead she was running away. She took the first opportunity she could to bolt.

Thank you all for your support, Amy

[superman]

Originally Posted by csdax

Wow. I can't imagine how scared you must have been.

I think you're being too hard on yourself, though ... "I cant even keep tabs on one kid..." You weren't the one responsible for her at the time: the school was. We all send our kids off to school, relying on them to keep them safe. If the school is having problems with this, THEY need to figure out what THEY are going to do about it. Of course you're questioning how you can keep your sanity when you're 'on duty' 24-7, and can't even send her to school without worrying whether they're keeping track of her.

Cut yourself some slack ... but not the school.

I'm glad you found her safe!

i agree, it is out of ur control here in this situation. realistically there could have been no way of u expecting her to up and dissapear with all the teachers & staff supposed to be watching. kids do these things, just make sure she knows it wasnt safe & yearh i'd for sure be talking to the school.