MIL grrr

[IADad]

So, just needed to vent a little about my mother in law.

Our kids are spending most of their daytime this summer with my mom. Money's a little tight and she wanted to spend more time with them so it seemed like a great fit, we provide some food each week and fill her car with gas for all the running to camp etc stuff she does and she gets some free labor watering and weeding gardens etc and gets to spend the time with them and I'm most happy that they will have this memory of their summer with her.

So, the problem is MIL. When we told her about the arrangement for this summer we made it well known that anytime she wants them we can certainly arrange that as well. MIL and FIL live 20 miles away, my mom lives 1/4 mi away, My mom is 82 and MIL/FIL are in their 70s, MIL still has an accounting practice in her home and FIL works a part time security gig. So, they aren't as available to spend a full day, but nonetheless the kids can go there if they want them, esp on friday's when FIL doesn't work.

So, the other day, my younger son was at an event with us and FIL/MIL and MIL accompanied him to a playground and helped him on the swings. Well, as she tells it, he spotted a weed and made an off-hand comment that "Looks like we need some "Roundup" here (FYI, for our members around the globe who may not be familiar "Roundup" is a common herbicide, sold for household use)

Well, Saturday, as we all gathered for my birthday, MIL gets DW aside and tells her about the playground and that she has concerns about her grandkids spending their summer in a dangerous environment. And that if it was a matter of money, she'd pay to have them watched by someone else...

Really? You B^%ch! First of all thank you for ruiningg my birthday party, it wasn't enough for you to pull a stunt like this on our wedding day, the fun must continue. How big of a leap is that, from my kid knowing about roundup and it's uses to assuming my mother is incapable of using it correctly or otherwise keeping my children safe. And to top it off, it's telling that she offered money (and all the hooks that come along with it, no doubt) rather than her time. I'm incredulous.

She's had a problem with every person who has had a caregiving role with the kids, every daycare provider, pre-school and even theri classroom teachers. So, I guess it shouldn't be a surprise anymore.

I'm trying to be the bigger person and just walk away from this, but I can't seem to let go. I find myself fantasizing about being at her funeral and spitting on her in her casket and while I know it doesn't help anything to be vindictive, I do somehow feel a perverse joy in the notion that she may die lonely and unloved.

I have put up with so much from her. I've always managed to write off each episode, to love her as a human being. We've never withheld the kids from them or spoken ill of her in their presence. But it just gets harder to do each time she repays your kindness with crap like this. I always try to remember that she has the right concern at heart, that she's just concerned about the kids, but her concerns always have to be at someone else's expense.

I hope I can move forward soon, because I really don't want to harbor ill feelings toward anyone. It doesn't solve anything and it just makes me feel bad.

[mom2many]

Well I know I have wrote about my MIL here, and she has that exact kinda personality. She is severely threatened by anyone who is not her when it comes to our time and the kids. It's even worse when the kids become older and have lives of their own. When I lived with her she managed to chase just about every friend I had away.

I don't really have any advice, I just ignore it and move on. I'm not gonna change her so I don't even bother wasting my energy on it.

[NancyM]

OH please, mine came straight from hell, she's 95 and going strong, still manipulating people, and trying to control every single thing in her path, she has hurt everyone she's ever met, she is what I consider evil. and now it seems her daughter is taking her lead.

These people are blood suckers,they drain everyone of their happiness, it's hard to keep it all in I'm beyond the point your at, now I tell her exactly what I think... you have every right to be angry I'm sure you took it all your married life like I did for the past 30 years.

Anyway I hope it helped you to vent some

[IADad]

Thanks guys it helps. I just try to remember when her parents were still with us, they used to ask what was wrong with her and then speculate about the time she feel of a pony and hit her head. That story always made me laugh.

[cybele]

God forbid children are exposed to gardening products. WON'T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!?!


Thats just ridiculous.

[IADad]

Originally Posted by cybele

God forbid children are exposed to gardening products. WON'T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!?!


Thats just ridiculous.

and if I thought it was genuine concern for the safety of my kids, I'd have a different attitude, but it's not, it's about jealousy and control. nobody can possibly do things as well as she does. And she's divisive - there always has to be somebody to look down on, somebody to cut out, some alliance to conspire. She does it with her aunts and cousins, her husband's siblings, her kids, I can't imagine how she'll be when she gets old and mean.

[akmom]

Gosh, I read threads like this where everyone has an evil MIL - as do I and my sister too - and the thought of my children eventually marrying just makes me feel like a monster-to-be! Does anyone get along with their MILs?? Can a mother hope to be anything better?

[cybele]

My mother in law is the most amazing woman I know. I feel so lucky to have her in my life. So don't worry akmom, there is hope.

My actual mother, on the other hand...

[NancyM]

Originally Posted by IADad

and if I thought it was genuine concern for the safety of my kids, I'd have a different attitude, but it's not, it's about jealousy and control. nobody can possibly do things as well as she does. And she's divisive - there always has to be somebody to look down on, somebody to cut out, some alliance to conspire. She does it with her aunts and cousins, her husband's siblings, her kids, I can't imagine how she'll be when she gets old and mean.

I'll tell you how she's going to be IADad, just like mine at 95, nasty vindictive, manipulative, controlling, rude and disrespectful just as she is now, the only difference is that she'll be old and will claim that NO ONE cares about her, and she will appear to others that she's a poor little old lady that everyone in her family ignores ...and she'll tell all her doctors this too, and anyone else who will listen, ooooh boy you got one just like mine. Sorry.

[singledad]

Originally Posted by akmom

Gosh, I read threads like this where everyone has an evil MIL - as do I and my sister too - and the thought of my children eventually marrying just makes me feel like a monster-to-be! Does anyone get along with their MILs?? Can a mother hope to be anything better?

I guess the problem is that with in-laws, you don't have the option of walking away from the relationship like you would with strangers, and you don't have the same love that your SO has for them, that would make it easier to deal with their crap. Usually, when one meets someone you can't get along with, you won't spend time socializing together. But if that person is your MIL, you're stuck in a close relationship with her...

I have the same issues with my MIL. A while ago, we finally reached the point where she committed to treating me with respect, but oh boy - that was only part of the problem. Everything always has to be the way she wants it to be, and if it isn't, she would criticize and nag constantly. She is never satisfied with what I feed my daughter, how I dress her, what I let her play with, etc, etc. Constant, non-stop criticism. And then she claims to want to "help" me be a better parent... Yeah. I can live without that kind of help. I guess this is why my DD's mom was always subjected to, and why she always came home upset after she went to visit them.

I don't really have any advice... I guess I just wanted to say I know what you're talking about... It sucks, but one just has to try to not let it get to you.