"The Talk" When and what

[NancyM]

Originally Posted by tadamsmar

NancyM said:

"They need to prove to us that they aren't idiots by following the lessons they've been taught."

"

Is that ALL you got out of my posts??? You misunderstand too much. and you still didn't answer the question weather or not you have children of your own. Most people with children would understand that statement.

[NancyM]

Originally Posted by Xero

Anyway, does anybody else remember getting the info on sex from their own parents? I remember being told, different things on different occasions, but all vital stuff, and I do not recall feeling like an idiot. Or like my mom thought that I was an idiot, just because she was telling me these things. I remember being very curious and interested in the information, and appreciating everything that she told me. I asked lots of questions. I felt kind of important for being old enough for the info lol. I do not remember feeling disrespected or belittled at any time. I think it's strange to assume kids will feel that way, I guess unless you take a certain gruff approach to it. Which I don't really see most normal people doing. lol

My parents always talked in 'half sentences' like 'boys like to touch' lol my sister and I never understood that. Touch what??

My dad would say things like 'Don't let them get you alone in the car' lol 'things will happen' lol again....What??

Actually, my best girlfriend told me when I was 8 and she was 9 we were sitting on her swings out back, she pulled her swing close to mine and her eyes were suspiciously darting back and forth at her house like she was afraid of getting caught, I can't remember exactly what she said, but I remember her face clear as day, she was wearing one of those wooley pointed hats with a pom pom ball on the end, (pink) that covered the ears and tied around her chin.

lol she and I get hysterical today when we think of it.

[tadamsmar]

Originally Posted by NancyM

Is that ALL you got out of my posts??? You misunderstand too much. and you still didn't answer the question weather or not you have children of your own. Most people with children would understand that statement.

That's not all I got from your posts.

I edited my details to list info on my children and grandchildren.

The other day, my 12 yo grandkid was with us watching Jon Stewart and Stewart mentioned "wet dreams". This kid acted confused at first and the said "Oh, I learned about that in puberty class!"

[tadamsmar]

I think this is good article:

http://health.kaboose.com/kids-healt...-the-talk.html

"Well, the good news is that you don't need to do "The Talk," where you sit your child down for a one-time-only major birds-and-bees session. However, experts do recommend talking to your child in an age-appropriate way about body changes and emotions throughout childhood, not just when you see signs of puberty."

"Rather than saying, 'do you have any questions dear?' and getting 'no!' in reply, talk about some misconception you had at their age, or say 'I wish I could have asked someone about this.' (But watch out for passing baggage from your own teen traumas on to your kids.) "

[IADad]

I took tadas remark about lecturing as more of a cautionary remark than a judgement. It did sort of take me back at first but I get the warning. I think I may have been in danger of trying to have one long drawn out "conversation" rather than breaking it up into more relevant pieces. Maybe seeing something about a struggling teen mom, could trigger a conversation about the burdens and responsibilities that go along with being sexually active, as well as the risks of contraception failure.

Maybe when there is talk of "girl friends" that's a good time to talk more relationship stuff.

I think I'll steer pretty clear about my past misconceptions and experiences. I can see how that's a conversation starter, but also dangerous territory.

[teenage_parent]

i plan to take the scientific routes. call body parts by their scientific names. i will explain to my daughter how babies are made as soon as she asks. i will do it scientifically though.

i will not say "i'll tell you when you grow up" or something like that. human reproduction is 99.9% science. the sex part doesn't even last a night. so the majority of our discussion will be scientific.

if she wants to know something, i want her to ask me. not her friends and not even her teacher. her teacher should only serve to confirm what she already knows.

she should never think of the subject as a taboo and she should never be embarrassed to ask.

[singledad]

No one ever really explained sex to me until several years after I had become sexually active... I certainly don't intend to let my daughter learn the way I did.

One thing that worries me... how would a girl feel about learning about things like menstruation and contraception from her dad? Its not like I can really relate to the experiences she will go through in puberty and through her teenage years.

Or should I rather encourage her to talk to an adult woman? But then it loose the spontaneity, and become more like a lecture, which, although I only scanned through the thread quickly, I think we all agree is not the way to go...

[cybele]

My girls HATE talking about puberty with my husband.

Sex they don't mind so much, I think it's probably good for them to get a male perspective anyway.

Are there any adult females who would be comfortable in that role?

[NancyM]

Originally Posted by singledad

No one ever really explained sex to me until several years after I had become sexually active... I certainly don't intend to let my daughter learn the way I did.

One thing that worries me... how would a girl feel about learning about things like menstruation and contraception from her dad? Its not like I can really relate to the experiences she will go through in puberty and through her teenage years.

Or should I rather encourage her to talk to an adult woman? But then it loose the spontaneity, and become more like a lecture, which, although I only scanned through the thread quickly, I think we all agree is not the way to go...

I think that might depend on her age, once closer to puberty she may be uncomfortable talking to you, but it's a pretty important subject, and you are the only person who really has her best interest at heart, IMO I think if you start being open about that type of thing now, it will be easier when you really have to explain it.

Since your her only confident, I think it should be you who talks to her about it. Of course that's easier said than done, but you probably do all of it now anyway more than you realize. having a woman around to help out isn't a bad idea either.

It might be easier if you and she discuss the human body scientifically while she's young, My son was very scientific as a little boy 4/5 and we just talked about the amazing human body all the time. I remember him asking how bodily functions worked (like going to the bathroom/passing gas ... BOYS!) for both girls and boys, and we just looked it up at the library and talked about it, I used books because I wanted to keep it honest, nothing silly or funny, sometimes I was embarrassed but HE WASN'T at that age, and truthfully it was a lot easier because of that.

I didn't 'shove' anything at him, but once he learned how one part of the body worked and WHY, he began to ask related questions, and when he asked we'd look up the next question. I remember also showing him pictures of babies in the womb. And he loved the fact that they live inside the mother and grew but we didn't discuss actual sex at that point.

I think menstruation actually did come up, but it wasn't a big deal...I think he asked about the eggs and why so many babies aren't made at once..something like that, so naturally I had to explain it.

Another good thing which came out of that is that it refreshed my memory about how everything worked as well. lol

[Xero]

I guess I must have been a part of a generation where it was more common/popular to explain sex to your kids. It's funny my mom said her parents didn't explain anything either, and she didn't even know what her period was etc as well. Maybe that's something that was more widely accepted by the time my generation came around. (not calling anyone old lol)