My son makes me feel bad

[SuperPenguin]

My son makes me feel bad on a fairly constant basis. He is 3.5 years old. He clearly prefers mom over me. He is still breastfeeding at night/naps which may be establishing some sort of weird bond with mom I can't compete with. When he is with me alone, he acts great and we get along good and he sends me mostly positive energy. But when mom enters the picture, he acts bad and sends me mostly negative energy.

And just in general I have many thoughts of am I a good parent, am I raising a good child? Is my child ever going to love me? Will he always perfer mom even if I am a good dad?

Sure there are good times and times my son sends good thoughts my way, but in general he seems to be bringing about more negative thoughts than good.

Should I get a good book on parenting?

Or should I just check out of this fatherhood thing now? Maybe if my son doesn't like me very much I should not be his father? I'm not very serious but sometimes he does make me feel that bad.

[FooserX]

I feel like I could offer some advice, but that whole breast feeding thing at 3.5 years old is totally throwing me for a loop.

That's pretty...um....just stop it. lo Lord stop it already! You could definitely chalk up this behavior issue because of this. No wonder he prefers her over you.

I don't know where the bad vibes origin is coming from, but that has to be logical cause #1.

[Trina]

I know how difficult it is, but don't take this personally. It's actually quite common for kids to go through a stage where they prefer one parent over the other. Hang in there and continue being a great dad. Junior will pass through this stage and everything will be peachy.

Both my kids went through similar stages. DH's feelings were hurt, but I assured him it was nothing he did or didn't do. Just a normal thing kids go through, especially since *I* was the primary caregiver. They both grew out of it, in fact, went through a stage when they preferred daddy. Although my feelings were hurt a little at first, I took advantage of those times and took much needed mommy breaks. ;o)

[Kaytee]

While 3 is older to breastfeed, it is not harmful in any way. It is a natural thing that he will stop doing and some point. The average age to nurse is 3 1/2 so he is pretty normal. There are many health benefits to a child nursing at this age. And yes it is weird to nurse a 3 year old UNLESS you are. I never thought I would nurse a child over 12 months, but here I am at almost 2 still nursing. Now I am actively weaning her SLOWLY where it is comfortable for both of us)

Now on the the TRUE problem..... it is extremley normal for a toddler to want their mother ALL the time. Especially when mom is a sahm. Of course you didn't say whether she was or wasn't but... It will pass and your son does love you. They just are typically more comforted by mothers.

[BarbP]

I agree with the others. Kids go through lots of stages. I know it's hard not to take it personally.

Barbara

[formerposter]

My wife never breastfed so that never came into play but I experienced similar issues with my daughter when she was younger. She'd always go to her mom no matter what and I was constantly left out. However, even though at times I felt like I was doing something wrong, I never thought I needed to "check out of this fatherhood thing". As others have mentioned, this is just a phase. Eventually your son will come around. You mentioned that the quality time you spend with him is good. Try to duplicate the attention and focus you give him at those times while his mom is around too.

Also, one thing that helped me out was my wife provided tons of support. If she noticed my daughter ignoring me, she'd help guide my daughter to me so that I could be there for her as well. We worked as a team and now we both get equal attention from both of our children.

[SuperPenguin]

Thanks everyone for the feedback. If I know this is somewhat normal, I can deal with the feelings better. Thanks again.

[Trina]

A good article about this topic.

http://life.familyeducation.com/pare...ent/41826.html

[SuperPenguin]

Thanks, that is a good article. I can't believe there is an article about that, that's good.

[Fatheredfive]

SuperPenguin, is this your first child? The others above are absolutely right: it's normal for him to prefer his mommy. In fact, celebrate it for now because you won't have that little bit of freedom for long. There will come a time when he'll need to break away from her psychologically and will badly need you. He badly needs you now, but soon he'll turn to you in increasingly demanding and rewarding ways. Michael Gurian's book, The Wonder of Boys, is great on this subject. You might be able to just skip directly to the relevant chapter using the Table of Contents.