8-year-old boy soils himself, needs physical restraint when angry
I am writing on behalf of a friend, so I hope the details I know are sufficient.
She has been separated from her ex husband (the father of the child) for 4 years and they have not been living together for about 2. It is unclear whether this situation directly affected her 8 year old son's behavior problems but it is assumed to have had some impact.
First, the positives; the child is very outgoing, he performs well scholastically, he exhibits extraordinary memory skills, he is very athletic and excels at all sports he plays.
He has two very distinct behavioral problems right now. First, he will soil himself during the evening/nighttime hours 4-5 times during the week. It can be either urinating or a bowel movement. He seems to be rather indifferent about this, and the fact that he never does this at school has at least initially indicated that he may have at least limited control over himself. He seems to only soil himself when he's home, at his grandparents, or other "comfortable" environments. He claims he simply can't tell when passing gas might result in "something more" but when he soils himself it is most often at least half of a full evacuation if not more.
Secondly, when confronted with extreme frustration or discipline, he will get angry and need to by physically restrained to the point he becomes too exhausted to continue fighting. He will also hit himself in the head with objects such as books, pillows , the wall, or anything around him. Not hard enough to cause bleeding or anything. He is in a special program at school because of this. He is clearly intelligent enough to participate in mainstream courses (he is at his proper grade level and does his homework himself), however if he becomes agitated or angered by a classmate or teacher, he will hit his head in frustration as outlined above and need to be physically restrained. Thus he is not currently mainstreamed. He is not aggressive and will not act out against his peers, just himself and the adult who attempts to restrain him.
He has undergone limited evaluation and is set to undergo some further neurological evaluation, but we're also proactively looking for advice wherever we can. I say "we" because since the mother and I spend a good amount of time together, she has asked if I might help as I am probably the closest male influence her son currently has.
Thank you for your time. Sorry if this is not the appropriate forum.