In-laws and religion help...

[civilized]

Hi I am having a problem with my in-laws and religion.. I'm 21 and my wife is 22 we just had our first baby exactly 1 month ago Here's my problem I'm atheist and my wife is a non-active catholic, we agreed on our baby girl to decide on her own, what her religion will be when she gets older... But my In-laws won't have it, they think the baby should be baptized/catholic now and she can decide later... So they went a head and decided to book a church and everything.... I'm not to happy about this and it's actually really getting under my skin that grandma and grandpa have more say then her own father... I mean me and my wife agreed and they just keep making her feel bad and cry.... They say all they ask is the baby be baptized, but isn't that alot to ask.... Maybe I'm over reacting but i don't know It's really bugging me Please any help with this would be much appreciated thanks

Jay

[Kaytee]

Hi Jay, congrats on a new baby.
This is a tough one for me because I am religious but I do understand your position as an athiest.

I would say that if you have agreed with your wife that the baby not be baptized, then YOUR wife needs to tell her parents to back off. If your wife is undecided about it, then she needs to figure out what she wants to do and do it. Your feeling should absolutely count in the matter, but being that you do not believe in God and your wife does, the decision should lean on your wife more. I know that kind of sounds harsh, and obviously this is just my opinion. To me its kinda like, you don't believe in God so why should it matter if the baby is baptized to you, but it would to your wife. Catholics believe very strongly in baptizing soon after birth.

Again if your wife and you decided not to baptize, then that is what you should do and YOUR wife is the one that needs to tell her parents that.

Not that you should have to comprimise, because in the end this is you and your wifes baby, but what about if you talk to your in-laws (or actaully your wife needs to do the talking) nd say something like "look we understand how strongly you feel about this, but what we feel the child should choose on their own (many Christians don't baptize babies), how about on Sunday mornings, you can take the baby to church with you and introduce her to your church and your faith, then in a few years we can discuss the idea of baptism again"

[jtee]

I think Kaytee has some good advice. This is an issue for you and your wife to decide, and then she can tell her parents.

I am not a religious person, but I also do not consider myself an atheist by any means either. Personally, if I were you, I'd go ahead and make my in-laws happy. In my mind, it is just a ritual, not some kind of irreversible commitment. I understand deeply religious people don't see it that way, and that is why they are so adamant about such things.

My in-laws have taken our daughter to church with them many many times, and we're not concerned. We have even allowed our daughter to go to church with her friends so she can be exposed\educated in other faiths\cultures\customs. We too believe it is her decision to make, so we allow such things to occur, and don't see any harm.

Maybe we can get EvilBrent to give his advice; he's an atheist with children.

[civilized]

I was thinking that I would let it happen just to make them happy, but for some reason i'm just takeing it really personal that the grand parents are makeing the choices for our 1 month old by guilting my wife. I just don't know what to think but thank you guys for your advice so far I really appreciate it

Jay

[musicmom]

First no where in the bible does it say that children have to be baptized to go to heaven. Children automatically go to heaven. (that it says) Being baptized doesn't automatically make you go to heaven. It's only a symbol. When your child is old enough to make the choice for himself/herself then they will or won't. It is your child and no one has a say but you and your wife.
If the grandparents are pushing this on you then they need to take another look at their faith because Christians do NOT force anything on anyone.

I used to be an atheist and am now a practicing Christian and I would NEVER tell someone they HAVE to have their child baptized. Good luck. I hope your wife doesn't allow them to make her feel like that. The child is already God's with or without water on it's head.

You know what else you can do.....have a dedication at their house with a container of water that was blessed by a priest and have your mom baptize the child herself. Anyone can baptize. That way you don't have to do it in a church or feel uncomfortable and you will still keep it intimate. (if you want to of course.) Good luck.
Congrats!!!!!
Matthew 19:14 14Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”

[civilized]

Hey guys thanks for all your advice it really helped me out.. My wife said she didn't care if the baby was or not because she wasn't an active Catholic, so i said the decision falls my way then because I'm the father.. This shouldn't be grandparent decision well because they didn't make this baby we did as husband and wife. So I said no the the baptism, she can decide what she wants when she's old enough witch in my head is fair. So now her parents hate me and think i'm no good for there daughter because i didn't choose the path of the Catholic for our child... They yelled at my wife for not sharing the same opinion as they did... For whoever was curious to how that turned out... childish to me

[Kaytee]

It is childish, but sometimes religion does not carry logic. Your wife is the one that needs to stand up to her family and tell them the reasons that she believes this way. She cannot be saying things like "well I don't care either way but DH doesn't want it done right now" then she would be putting all the blame on you instead of dealing with it herself.

I do hope your in laws learn to behave more like Christians and your wife learns to stand up for what she wants

[jenilouise]

Whether the grandparents like it or not this is your baby and not theirs. My dad is an athiest who was raised Catholic- we were raised in my moms Baptist church (mom is no longer a Christian) but we all found our own paths. I happen to be Christian but I am glad I got to decide on my own. They can get pissy and mad all they want but you and your wife need to stick by the decisions you made together. I think booking a church against the will of the parents is absolutely reprehensable.