Potty issues with 2 1/2 yo

[Kary]

Hi everyone,
I have a strong-willed almost 3 yo who we've just started actively potty training in the last 2 months. We also have a 8 week old infant. In addition, we have a very opinionated nanny who wanted to start the potty training process earlier than we had planned (we had planned to start at age 3). So far we've had mixed success. There are times when he goes no problem (poop x2, and that was a struggle...more on that later). Other times he'll have a complete meltdown and refused to even sit down. He seems to flip flop between wanting to wear his pull ups or a diaper. We had some success with potty treats with candies as rewards, but sometimes he still refuses. Last Tuesday his nanny caught him starting to poop and dragged him to the potty (husband and wife were not present) She told us that he had a major tantrum but did get some in the potty. Since that incident he has "regressed". We initially were on board with the nanny driven potty training if it did not add more stress to our currently stressful situation (newborn), but now we are frustrated and unsure how to proceed. We want to assert more control, but we don't to force him if he's not ready or create any long-term problems. Any advice would be appreciated!

[jtee]

Kary, I am sure others here in the forum will offer advice, but one thing is certain, all the adults involved the potty training have to implement the same plan to be consistent.

I also have reservations of forcing a child to potty train before that child is receptive\ready in terms of overall development. In some ways it is like forcing a child to learn\do something that he\she not capable of doing (yet).

[Kaytee]

well I see a few things going on. One it is not a nannys place to potty trin unless you want her to. Second, when a newborn is brought into the picture it is very common for potty trained kids to revert. They want to be the baby again because the baby gets attention.
And 3rd... when you fight a child with potty training you will not win! They will not want to take any part of what you want. You have to convince them that it is their decision not yours. They have to want to potty train. The average age for a boy is 3 1/2 years old so he is not uncommon.
I would personally take a break from potty training. No more pull-ups no more big boy pants, nothing, only a diaper!! Don't mention potty traiing to him. Do not ask him if he has to go potty. Simply put him in a diaper and leave. Don't say things like "you went in your diaper again" nothing. Just change him and move on. Give it a week, then start mentioning things like big kids go on the potty, and when you are a big boy you will go on the potty too. Still keep him in the diapers. Then after a week or so, reintroduce potty training. Either a sticker chart where he can get a prize if he fills it up. Like a book from the book store or a rtip to McDonalds, whatever. Or some people like the treat method. Buy a bog of m&m's. 1 for pee 2 for poop. No more and none for trying, only succeeding.

[Kary]

Wow, that was great! Thanks Nicole. At the very least, I think we've decided that under no circumstances are we going to make this a battle of the wills. As you said, it may be too early. We are thinking of taking some time off, or at the very least, being much, much more flexible about this thing than we have been. I think we may gotten some false ideas from our very experienced nanny, and we are regretting not doing more homework on this issue. Obviously, we will set her straight ASAP and get her on the same sheet of music. Thanks so much again for your advice!

[fallon]

Originally Posted by Kaytee

well I see a few things going on. One it is not a nannys place to potty trin unless you want her to. Second, when a newborn is brought into the picture it is very common for potty trained kids to revert. They want to be the baby again because the baby gets attention.
And 3rd... when you fight a child with potty training you will not win! They will not want to take any part of what you want. You have to convince them that it is their decision not yours. They have to want to potty train. The average age for a boy is 3 1/2 years old so he is not uncommon.
I would personally take a break from potty training. No more pull-ups no more big boy pants, nothing, only a diaper!! Don't mention potty traiing to him. Do not ask him if he has to go potty. Simply put him in a diaper and leave. Don't say things like "you went in your diaper again" nothing. Just change him and move on. Give it a week, then start mentioning things like big kids go on the potty, and when you are a big boy you will go on the potty too. Still keep him in the diapers. Then after a week or so, reintroduce potty training. Either a sticker chart where he can get a prize if he fills it up. Like a book from the book store or a rtip to McDonalds, whatever. Or some people like the treat method. Buy a bog of m&m's. 1 for pee 2 for poop. No more and none for trying, only succeeding.

I totally agree...and it is for sure time to have a chat with your nanny. It isn't her job to decide when to potty train your child, it's her job to follow the wishes of you and your wife