Teenage talk about sex

[MissMissy]

Hi =)

I am sixteen years old and I have been wanting to talk to my mom about sex, but I don't know how to talk about it. I am not looking for a lecture, I just want to discuss it. Many teenagers my age are having sex or are engaged in sexual activity and this has got me thinking more about premarital sex. I want to wait until marraige, but I would just like to discuss why us teens feel pressured and how we can act more maturally and responsibly about sex. My mom gave me the "birds and the bees" talk when I was younger, but after I started my period, we stopped talking about the body and sex. Since my mom and I don't spend much time together and aren't very close anymore, I am a little uncomfortable talking to her about it. Still, I want to know what she thinks about teenage sex, if she has any advice and what she expects from me.

So my questions to all you parents are, what would be a good way for your daughter/son to ask you about sex? Would you want to know if your child is having sex or other sexual activity? And would you feel uncomfortable talking to a sixteen year old about sex?

[1dayatatime]

I dont have a chilld your age but yes to your questions. I would want to know. If my child thought I would have a bad reaction to such a talk I would hope they would write me a letter. This would give me time to digest my child concerns so that I could have a more intelligent conversation. There are so many forms of birth control on the market these days. Besides birth control there is much more to consider. Reputation, STD's, emotional "boyfriend" garbage. So anyway my suggestion is a letter. I would feel less blindsided that way. Good luck to you.

[jtee]

Welcome to our parenting forum.

I can't speak to what should be discussed with at 16 year old because our daughter just turned 12 recently, but can speak to how we (95% my wife) have handled things so far.

My wife is really good\comfortable about talking about sex with our daughter and she started talking about sex at age 4 or maybe younger. Of course at that age the details that are discussed are very simple. Kids at that age accept things without blinking, and talking about sex can be as easy as talking about anything else they want to know about. As our daughter grew older they continued have Q&A conversations that were more and more detailed.

She started puberty a little before she turned 10, and that's when our daughter started to be more curious about sex, and my wife feels she should have started discussing more of the "Feelings" aspect of both girls and boys. Our daughter knew a lot about technical side of sex, but there is more to sex than just getting pregnant and having a baby. It is more in hindsight, that we realize she had become more curious about the "Sexual" side of sex, than the "Having a baby" side of sex.

Now that she is in her first year of middle school, my wife has had more frank discussions about sexual attraction and how to deal with boys who are becoming interested in sex.

[symphonyodd]

My oldest is still a lot younger than you but on the edge of puberty and almost a full pledged teen .

That said, he has lots of questions.. and I try NEVER to deter them. When he asks, so long as his siblings (who are much younger) are not around my dh and I will sit down and be totally real with him.

He has said on more than one occassion he is glad that we'll talk with him (candidly) and that he feels he could tell us anything.

He is wanting to get a purity ring for his birthday.

Anyway, how to approach your parents? Set a date, let them know there's something you would like to discuss. Maybe your parents think that you know what you should know and that's the end. Let them know what your struggle is.

Oh and YES, I would want to know if my child was having sex or not.

(((HUGS))) to you!

[aliinnc]

I definitely talk to my kids about sex. I feel it's part of my responsibility as a parent. However, it can be difficult to start a conversation without feeling like you've dropped a conversational bombshell that will just shut down conversation.

I have a suggestion, bring it up in relation to something on TV or in a movie. You could even rent a movie that has a theme abot teenagers and sex. Then use that to bring it up: "Mom, this movie is absolutely right. A lot of my friends are sexually active, and there's a lot of pressure to conform..."

I also like the letter idea.

Good luck with this. I applaud you for wanting to talk about this.
Ali

[Lissa]

Originally Posted by 1dayatatime

I dont have a chilld your age but yes to your questions. I would want to know. If my child thought I would have a bad reaction to such a talk I would hope they would write me a letter. This would give me time to digest my child concerns so that I could have a more intelligent conversation. There are so many forms of birth control on the market these days. Besides birth control there is much more to consider. Reputation, STD's, emotional "boyfriend" garbage. So anyway my suggestion is a letter. I would feel less blindsided that way. Good luck to you.

You took the words out of my mouth.