Kids in the bed???

[mymonstersmom]

I have a question about a fight I'm having with my husband, and I'd like some advice and opinions please. We can't find any common ground on letting the kids sleep in our bed. I'm 100% against it because I think they're too old, but my husband always gives in, and we wind up with at least one kid in our bed at least once a week. Sometimes, we end up with all of the kids in the bed, and it's an all night kick fest under the covers.
When I say all of the kids, I mean 5 kids. We have all boys between the ages of 8 and 16. The boys like to camp out on our bed and watch movies with my husband and I, and if they fall asleep, they wind up staying. We have twins, and they're very close, so they demand that they sleep next to each other, between me and their dad, and the two little ones (8 and 10) sleep on either side of us. So we're crammed 6 tight across the matress, and our oldest sleeps with his head at the foot of the bed, kicking us all night long and causing his brothers to toss and turn.
I've tried reasoning with my husband, and for a while, we were making some serious progress. Then the power went out with a wind storm about a month ago, and it all went down the drain. Last night, I slept in the twins' room, and about a half hour later, my husband joined me. The boys are getting too big to sleep with us, but I need cooperation from my husband or they'll always find a reason.
I know this sounds pathetic. I've put my foot down so many times, but he gives in to their pleas, and I don't want to look like the bad guy. I tried to reason with him last night, but he won't conceed the point. We're a close family, but I thought that at this point, the over night visits from the boys would have been a fond memory. Now I think they're a memory I might have to repress (I'm just kidding about the repressed memory part, but this is a frustrating issue).

[1dayatatime]

You must have a huge bed. I kinda have an issue with this too. But my son is one. Could the kids get one bed bed for all of them to share. How do you have sex? Even just the cuddling part of marriage. So far I put my son back in his bed probably 3 times a night. But he's still not walking or talking. Our 4yo would come in occasionaly but we always told her to go back to her own bed and she did.

[musicmom]

So tell him he needs to go crawl into thier beds and sleep with them. That you are claiming your bed back.
My children are only allowed to sleep with me if they are sick or as a reward. Your husband is crossing the line when it comes to the marital bed. That's something that belongs to the husband and the wife. Tell him if he EVER wants to get romantic again that there better not be a child allowed in the bed again.
Use what you got girl...hahaha

[TammyZed]

My hubby and I used to fight aaaall the time because my son would always crawl into bed with me when he was little. It was a security thing. My son was used to having just mommy around, and before I was with my hubby, I lived in a one bedroom apartment and since I wasn't having guys over, Morgan just slept in the same bed with me. I was really hurt when my hubby started insisting Morgan wasn't allowed to sleep with me, but Morgan eventually grew out of it and no longer needed to.

With my daughter, she only slept in the same bed when she was sick. If my husband left for work overnight or something, I'd invite the kids into my bed to keep me company, but not while he was home.

However, in your case, that's really extreme! That's too many people in one bed, and it's true, a few of them are too old to be crawling in with mum and dad. I agree with musicmom: use what you've got!

[Kim]

I am not opposed to co-sleeping, but I think there is an age when kids need to be sleeping in their own beds. I think all of yours are too old to be coming to your bed in the middle of the night unless there is a special occasion to.

[mymonstersmom]

Originally Posted by hannah's mommy

I am not opposed to co-sleeping, but I think there is an age when kids need to be sleeping in their own beds. I think all of yours are too old to be coming to your bed in the middle of the night unless there is a special occasion to.

lol....I think they've used up any special occasions that might arrise in the future. Seriously, I'm about to show my lovey dovey this thread so he can see what a mule he's being

[Trina]

To echo the others... I agree your kids are too old to be sleeping with Mom & Dad. Does this happen every night?? My gosh, do the two of you ever get a chance to get frisky?!

Our kids occasionally slept with us when they were little, but usually only when they were sick or had a bad dream or something along those lines. We always coaxed them back to their own beds. Besides the fact that I don't sleep well when they're in bed with us, DH and I like to enjoy couple time on a fairly frequent basis, and multiple bed buddies would certainly put a damper on things.

That said, how are things between the two of you? (You don't have to answer, just something to think about.) Could it be a possiblity your DH is doing this to avoid being intimate with you??

[mymonstersmom]

Ok, so I showed hubby all of the responses to this thread except for the one Trina posted because she hadn't posted it yet, and he got really upset. To be fair, he's having a hard time dealing with the fact that the boys are getting older. Our 16 year old drives and our 8 year old is getting too tall for us to carry or cuddle in our laps anymore, and it's affecting him more than it's affecting me.
Also, the boys don't do this all the time, but it does happen at least once a week. Mainly, it's the little ones that get in bed with us, but the days haven't gone away when all of them sleep with us. My husband calls it "camping out", I call it a pain in the a**.
Also, I'd be lying if I said he hasn't done things to try and keep the boys out of our bed. A lot of times, he'll pull the hide-a-bed out and spend the night in the living room with them. Also, I know that a lot of this habit comes from when I was working the night shift at the hospital, and the boys were a lot smaller. They'd beg him to watch TV in our room until they fell asleep and he'd give in, and I'd come home in the morning to a room full of sleeping boys scattered about our bed.
I really should have mentioned all of this in my original post, but I didn't think that he'd be as upset as he is about it. So I definitely apologize to everyone here for that, but I still welcome all the advise I can get on the matter.

[musicmom]

What about a change lock on your bedroom door? They def can not get in with that there. I would just think they are going to have some sort of abandonment issues when they grow up and get out of the house, don't you? The eight year old is still trying to figure this all out.
I just think if it's a problem it needs to be fixed right away. No need to cause an undo problem in a marriage especially over something as silly as this. Have a family meeting and say "this is what your father and I have discussed and this is what will not happen anymore. Sit them down like adults and mean what you say. I think you are causing more harm then good.... Your dh needs to look at it in depth. ^i^

[Kaytee]

I am getting ready to go eat, so I did not read every ones yet, but my opinion is that you both need to agree one way or the other. I see nothing wrong with your children sleeping in your bed, but if you do not want it, then that should be respected as well.