Should religion be an issue?

[ivybendorf]

Ok, this is gonna be a big one for me, but I have to see what others think. I am a deeply religious and spiritual person. I have had my faith tested and lost and regained over the years, but here I am 10 yrs later, just as faithful as anyone. But I am not Christian, as my parents are. They do not attend church or pray, by their own admission, but they do believe. They raised my brothers and I with no religious influence whatsoever.

Now, every Easter and Christmas, my parents insist on having my children over. They have read them Bible stories every night they have spend at their house, and they ask me not to speak of my religion in their (my parent's) presence. They saturate my children in their faith, but refuse to have anything to do with mine. Mind you, I am raising my children in a religious home, so they know of my faith, but my parents resolutely will not have it mentioned. I don't anyway, its not a major issue in day to day life with my parents, but still....

Here is where I have issues. The other day I asked them to attend a special service for my son similar to a baptism, and they refused. They have also refused to attend my wedding next December. They allow my brother to pressure me to convert in their presence, and admit they would not allow me to do the same if I was rude enough to try it. They will attend my brother's children's baptisms, but not my children's.

They reason that they do not approve of my religion. Does this seem rational to you? Does a parent have the right of 'approval' over a grown child's faith?

And for the record, my parents and I are not speaking.

[Kaytee]

well being a Christian myself, your parents are not acting Christian.
I see nothing wrong with them teaching your children about the Christian religion in a non threatening, non aggressive manner. Just as I would be fine with someone else teaching my child about non-Christian religions.
As I said though your parents are not acting Christian. They need to respect your religion, regardless if they believe in the same thing or not. THey need to respect your children as they venture on their road of religious discovery.
You are their religious guide, you are there to teach them your beleifs, if they choose as adults to go a different way, then that is their choice. But your parents need to be supportive of them.

[ivybendorf]

edited: it was a drag out rant about my parents, totally rude and pointless

[Amber]

While they may not agree with your religion, they need to respect you enough to treat you as a part of the family. Just because you have seperate beliefs doesn't mean your not as vital as your brother.

I disagree with a lot of my brother's religious beliefs, but I don't snub him or anything for it. Everyone has differet beliefs and they all think they're right. All one can do is pray for that person they think has the wrong beliefs. If yours is correct, they'll eventually see the light.

[meow_173]

Well, Seeing that they raised you with no religious influences, that opened the door for you and your siblings to find your own faith, whether that be the one that your parents believe, or something totally different. That being said, your parents should respect this, and shoudl have seen it coming. With that said, they should resepct you and your faith, as you do with theirs

[ivybendorf]

Originally Posted by meow_173

Well, Seeing that they raised you with no religious influences, that opened the door for you and your siblings to find your own faith, whether that be the one that your parents believe, or something totally different. That being said, your parents should respect this, and shoudl have seen it coming. With that said, they should resepct you and your faith, as you do with theirs

i have brought up this same argument with them. their reply is that they still have not 'approved' of my beliefs. i have yet to figure out how that has anything to do with it.

[meow_173]

Originally Posted by ivybendorf

i have brought up this same argument with them. their reply is that they still have not 'approved' of my beliefs. i have yet to figure out how that has anything to do with it.

Its not fair for you to be set up from childhood to find your own belief and then not be given the respect you deserve. I'm not sure how to apporach your parents, but don't let the kids go to grandma's house. Before earn the right to be grandparents, they need to learn to respect their own children first

[etceterae]

You're your parents' child, no matter what happens. So tell them this (or something similar): "You and I both believe in God, though we are in different sects. But will you let any difference between our sects get into the way of our blood relationship? I love you, and I love God. So perhaps our interpretations of the Bible are different, but the fact that I am your child will always stay the same, and I would not like our slightly different beliefs get in the way of that."

Additionally, you're an adult now, and even though you're still your parents' children, the point is, you're an adult. You're capable of making your own decisions of what you believe in. It's not necessary for them to approve of your religion (though it admittedly makes things easier). Talk to them, plan out what to say carefully beforehand, and be firm but not demanding. Reiterate that you love them, and that you're their child.

Good luck with your parents; I hope things work out well. Religion can be both a difficult and wonderful thing.

[musicmom]

I agree that your parents are not acting Christ like if that's their beliefs. I take it at whatever ceremony you are doing with your son that you will not be sacrificing him on a chopping block right?
I think your parents should do whatever it is as long as the little one (your child) is happy. Good for you that you stood up for yourself.
Religion and politics will tear people apart. In my family no one touches on those subjects out of respect for one anothers privacy. All you can do is invite them, no biggie if they do not attend. I'd quit inviting them eventually. They need to think about what they are doing if they want to be a part of your childs life.

[ivybendorf]

Originally Posted by musicmom

All you can do is invite them, no biggie if they do not attend. I'd quit inviting them eventually. They need to think about what they are doing if they want to be a part of your childs life.

See, I wanted to think this, and for a while I did, but it failed miserably when I found out that my nieces and nephews would be given that attention and my own children will be deliberately ignored. My brothers are permitted to pressure me to convert, but my own very strong faith is totally banned and even cursed. My parents are very obviously playing favorites not only with me, but also my children. Can I let my kids be treated that way? What is going to happen 5 years down the road when my daughter asks me, "Mommy, why does Nana go to Uncle Bobby's Christmas party but not our winter festival?" "Why does Poppy open presents with Aunt Lura's family and not us?" "Will Nana and Poppy come to my 'conformation'?" I don't know how to answer those questions, and I don't want to have to figure it out.