Is it right or wrong to ask my child's father's parents to take her when I need help?

[Barbi.doll]

Ok, I'm going to give as many details as possible to help with the big picture.

Her father and I were together only for 4 months, broke up prior to me finding out I was pregnant. He is a couple years younger than I (I'm now 28, I think he's 26). She's is now 4 1/2.

Him and I grew up going to the same school in a small town (population 2100, yes 2, 100 - one set of stoplights lol). It was when I was in my early 20's and him in his late teens that are social groups started to blend in, which is how we ended up together - and only together for a short time because really we were both on the rebound after getting out of long relationships.
His mother and my mother had been friends, not really close, but close enough to be more than just aquaintences.
I chose to move 2 hours away when I was pregnant to be closer to the side of my family that was better able to be supportive of me raising a child on my own.
Since she turned 1 year old, he's been taking her every other weekend. When his visits with her first started he was living at home with his parents. Then, after about a year, he started seeing this girl Lisa and moved in with her. It was a good thing, as he was able to begin bonding with his daughter on his own. He was able to begin actual parenting skills where while living with his parents, the "grandparent" thing kinda got in the way.
Him and I and Lisa get along very well. I come from a split family, I know no different and there were never any "issues" or conflicts with my parents and step parents, so I influence positivity with this whole situation. I understand how to keep as much peace as possible.
I've become close to his parents since our daughter's birth. His parents have always been willing to help out in any way they can.

In December, Lisa and him gave birth to their first child as well. Now, as important as all the grandchildren are to his parents, my daughter is the only girl out of 7 kids. So, she a bit special to them.

Now that him and Lisa have their own "family" and are now engaged, things have changed a lot as to how much time my daughter spends with her grandparents. So, they have said over and over again "if you ever want us to take her or every need our help....please just give us a call". When her father is unable to pick her up on his weekends, his father jumps at the idea of coming to get her. They love her so much, and she loves them with all her heart. She is safe and happy there, and in a place where I don't worry about her.

Now, we've never been to court for anything and there's no court orders in place. We do things our way and always try to keep her best interest at the centre of everything.

Last weekend was my weekend with her. I was going to a jack and jill out there (where I used to live, where her father and his parents live) and I needed someone to take my child in order to go. So, knowing that her grandparents don't get to see her as often as they used to, I called them and of course they said yes to take her while I went out. No problems.

But her father picked her up today and presented me with his frustrations of this situation. He claims that it's not my place, and that I have no right. That I should be asking him for permission. He says that I'm causing problems with him and his family.

My opinion is that I wouldn't call anyone outside of her family before I exhausted all options inside her family first if and when I need a "sitter". I don't think I need to ask his permission with anything to be honest. He's a good dad and all, but it's not like he calls every day to know what's going on in her life. He's a daddy at his convenience. He makes no attempt to have say at any other time. And, if anything, I would think that if you're looking to be part of decisions, you would want to know when I'm sending her somewhere that IS NOT family.

I think he just feels as though he's left out of the loop and because his track record is to be a control freak (and according to his family, Lisa is a HUGE control freak on him), I think this whole situation is about him more than anyone or anything else.

There would be no problems with his family and him if he didn't see this situation as a negative thing. He's the only one upset, not I or the grandparents or my daughter - we're all happy, and she was safe and she and they got time together that they don't get when she's with her dad because her dad is spending time with her and won't send her to Nana & Papa's place overnight.

So, all in all, do you people think I have the right to call her grandparents without having to go to him first?
My past experiences with letting him in on this stuff is that he is in opposition out of spite - which is not taking her best interest into consideration, and that's the most important thing.

[fallon]

I think it's up to his parents...not him...if it's OK for you to call when you need a sitter. If you have their blessing to call them when you need to then go for it

[Kaytee]

wow, I'm glad until this everything ahs been working out with your ex and his new fiance.
I personally don't think it is his concern whether or not his parents watch her whenever they so choose. If he has issues with it then maybe he should be talking to his parents

[meow_173]

"if you ever want us to take her or every need our help....please just give us a call".

That there gives you every right to call them up. Its not up to him any more because really you're not with him and he doesn't have to make the decisions. The only tie really is the grandparents, and if they say call whenever, then you just go ahead and call!

[HappyMomma]

I agree with the others.

I would also recommend getting a court order to make sure everything is outlined if anything were to change in the future, you and your daughter would be protected.

May I ask if he provides financial support for his child?

[meow_173]

HAHAHAHAH hello kitty's taking a crunch....

[HappyMomma]

Originally Posted by meow_173

HAHAHAHAH hello kitty's taking a crunch....

LoL... did you just wake up, sweetie?

[meow_173]

Originally Posted by HappyMomma

LoL... did you just wake up, sweetie?

CLearly!

[FooserX]

I also agree that there shouldn't be a problem with you asking his parents...BUT...I can also see his side.

Even though he's probably focusing more on his family...that daughter is still his, and he's going to be attached to her and want to have a say in her well being. It may not be fair since he's not really a full time dad to her, but this is just his way of thinking...

Why not just call him in the future and tell him that you're going to let the grandparents watch him? Would that hurt anyone?

PS - what is a jack and jill?

[Barbi.doll]

Originally Posted by HappyMomma

I agree with the others.

I would also recommend getting a court order to make sure everything is outlined if anything were to change in the future, you and your daughter would be protected.

May I ask if he provides financial support for his child?

Yes, however, it's not much, 200 per month which works out to about 6.57/day. I don't make it an issue at this point, I know I could get more if I were to go through the courts, but then I see it as more than many others get from their children's fathers.