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Old 06-30-2007, 08:18 AM   #1
Debbie
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Question 15 yo not interested in socializing

My 15 year old son, is rather mature for his age. He does have a good self-esteem and is not necessarly shy. He will talk when he has something to say, but I worry about him not having much of a social life. He is not interested in dating girls, nor doing much of anything that involves fun outings for kids his age. He plays guitar in the church band, and likes to attend bible studies, but doesn't like to go to church events that involve just playing around like ping pong, games etc. In some ways, I like the fact that I don't need to worry about him getting into trouble being around the wrong type of people, yet I just find it odd that he doesn't have close friends. The only friend he has had come to our house, is a teacher that he had in middle school. He comes over once in a while to jam with my son on the guitar, because the teacher has 40 years of experience, and loves playing so they started playing together after school at the school. His teacher has helped him learn, so he likes him to come by in the summer sometimes to play guitar with him. My son also volunteers as a DJ at a local community radio station. I'm just curious if anyone else out there has a child like mine and do they come around and become more social? I just hate to see him be a loner all his life. I think it's important to have some close relationships other than just family.
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Old 06-30-2007, 09:56 AM   #2
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Default Re: 15 yo not interested in socializing

Your son sounds as if he is very selective about how he spends his time, and I thnk that is a very good thing. If he isn't exhibiting any unusual behaviors that would indicate problems or pathology, and he hasn't been over traumatized by interacting with his peer group, he is probably fine.

There may be something quite special developing wtihin him that has led to some personal policies that will serve him well later.
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Old 06-30-2007, 10:32 AM   #3
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Default Re: 15 yo not interested in socializing

Thanks Sagemother. I'm not overly concerned, but of course, us mothers have to have something to worry about, so it is a bit of a concern. I am very blessed to have him, it's a good kid.

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Old 06-30-2007, 12:19 PM   #4
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Default Re: 15 yo not interested in socializing

I agree with Sagemom, it sounds like he just is very selective on who he spends time with. You may want to encourage more church events, since he is interested in that, or even jamming with other kids at the church. But I wouldn't stress it right now.
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Old 07-10-2007, 08:28 AM   #5
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Default Re: 15 yo not interested in socializing

I tend to look at how kids react with kids their own age when they are teenagers as a representation of how they react with peers when they are in the workplace. He may have problems when he gets a job and his coworkers unless he finds a job where is isolated from others. I wouldn't be too comfortable if his only friend is a teach significantly older than him - but I wouldn't be as worried as if he was hanging around a female teacher who is only 10 years older !!!
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Old 09-05-2007, 08:23 AM   #6
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Default Re: 15 yo not interested in socializing

Hi Debbie...
I feel that your son is just fine...I agree with the young lady from Tx that he may need to jam with some teens his own age. My son was like this for about 2 years ..from 13 - 15 y/o then he met a good group of peers to hang with after school...mostly jocks.
I worried but he found his niche in due time...I am a bit concerned about his teacher coming over there so much...good luck Debbie.
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Old 09-15-2007, 06:15 AM   #7
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Default Re: 15 yo not interested in socializing

Thanks for all of your comments.

to Joe, just want to mention my son has only had his teacher over to our house about 3 or 4 times in the past 2 years. I'm not concern about that. They are strickly guitar jamming. Once in awhile the teacher invites my won to come over to his school class room after school to jam with him and a couple of guitar playing kids. That's probablly been maybe 3 times in the past 2 years also. Always other kids there and it's at the school. I definately trust him. He's a good guy.
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Old 09-17-2007, 03:22 PM   #8
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Default Re: 15 yo not interested in socializing

First I'd double check if you're being honest about his self esteem. Is he a good looking kid? I mean...if he was, it seems natural that girls would want to talk to him and stuff, and he would eventually make friends. Is he at all into sports? Little league growing up? Soccer...anything as part of a group?

I think it's pretty important to expose kids and make them join some sort of extra curricular activity just to promote a social life and outside interests...but that's just me.

On the chance that he's a very bright, normal kid who just likes different things, I would say you struck gold in having a son who walks his own path. That is so rare in life, especially for kids in high school. Everyone seems to feel the need to join a clique, or conform to what things they don't believe in just to have a sense of belonging. Be proud you have a kid with courage to be himself.

I hope one day my own son turns out like that (minus the no friends part lol)
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Old 10-15-2007, 09:07 AM   #9
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Default Re: 15 yo not interested in socializing

My son, almost 15, has a lot of friends at school and extracurricular activities. He doesn't "invite" friends over very often, but he likes his privacy I think after school (I'm like that too). He loves PC Games and video games and plays online with people everywhere. He's not "into" girls yet either. I think he sorta is, but he hasn't matured in that way yet - which is ok by me I would just keep a watch on it and try to get him involved in something and possibly more church activities if he's into that (although I don't think all church activities have the best intentions or outcome sometimes). Maybe he just hasn't found that "thing" that sparks him yet. When my son joined the marching band last year in 8th grade, my husband and I were skeptical that he would last (it's a lot of hard work and time) but he seemed to really enjoy it and take pride in it. He met new people too, not really close friends yet, but it's getting there. Also, you say he's a musician - my brother is a musician and they tend to be more quiet and to themselves I think because they are so creative. Music is a great outlet for many emotions, not to mention helping with school. And I agree, I think it's rare these days to find a kid that "walks his own path" - so many today are followers and will do whatever they have to to get into the clique.

Last edited by Scoutmander; 10-15-2007 at 09:10 AM..
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Old 10-18-2007, 12:21 PM   #10
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Default Re: 15 yo not interested in socializing

Give him time. Cute + Musician = chick magnet I can so see it coming.
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