Should I put my daughter on meds?

[CrazyDad]

I was going through my daughter stuff and i found an old diary that she had and it said that she was doing drugs and had boyfriends and girlfriends and that she was raped when she was 12 and she never told us about it and we even liked the kid that raped her before we found out he did that. She has a boyfriend that she's been going out with for about 8 monthes, he's 18 now and she's only 16 and when i found out about the dairy i made her start going to counciling now things are only getting worse and i think im going to have to put her on meds because the couciling isn't really helping. I'm a father with strong christian morals so i didn't want her to see her boyfriend anymore because i think they were having sex and i wasn't going to let her think that sex before marrage is ok so me and her mother decided not to give her birth control and force her not to see him and because i don't trust her everytime she asked to go anywhere i give her more chores to do and if i do let her go anywhere i'm usually not far behind. Her boyfriend wasn't that bad and respected us more than any of her other boyfriends that we knew about, she would just run off with any other guy but he didn't have her do that. The only reason we don't like her around him is because he's 18 and he admits to smoking pot and swears its all he does, he doesnt even smoke cigarettes and she says that she isn't doing drugs anymore. he went to the church we went to (in fact they met there) so we switched churches and the other day he found out what church we went to and seen her and that got me really mad, i caught them sitting somewhere else in the church talking and threatened him with a restraining order. now things are only getting worse because the couciling isn't really helping and she doing worse in school and crying all day and she keeps asking to see her boyfriend. i think we're going to have to put her on anti-depression meds what do you all think?

[1dayatatime]

While I agree with what your doing...trying to protect your baby. My opinion would be that you are doing exactly the opposite of what you wish to. By forbidding the two of them being together it makes her want to be with him that much more. My mom, she was a tricking lady, she would always find something positive about whatever boyfriend I had. Even if she hated him. She would invite said guy to family events. She would make every effort to spend time with both of us. Plus her liking him made it uncool for me to like him. I don't like the idea of meds but your baby does need to re learn how to like herself again. Best of luck to both of you.

[CrazyDad]

He has been going to all our family events and from the boyfriends i've seen her with he's the best. I also want her to have a better relationship with us cause she never used to talk to us now that she is we don't like what where hearing, she told us that they had where having sex and that they wanted birth control but like i said "strong christian values".

[1dayatatime]

Value are very important. You need to decide if you want your values protecting her from pregnancy or the pill. I wouldn't recommend the pill anyway. Condoms, Condoms, Condoms. The consquences of sex are so much more than pregnancy, monogomous or not. You are well aware of that I'm sure.

[Teresa]

I don't see anything to put her on meds FOR in your post. She's suffering through a depressed time, because she can't see her boyfriend....but she doesn't necessarily have DEPRESSION, which might require medication.

Rather than forbidding her from seeing him, which just makes them more determined to find ways to be together, why not agree to let them see each other under supervised conditions, in your home? That way you know what's going on, you know where she is, and yet they still get to spend time together.

[meow_173]

Originally Posted by CrazyDad

I was going through my daughter stuff and i found an old diary that she had and it said that she was doing drugs and had boyfriends and girlfriends and that she was raped when she was 12 and she never told us about it and we even liked the kid that raped her before we found out he did that. She has a boyfriend that she's been going out with for about 8 monthes, he's 18 now and she's only 16 and when i found out about the dairy i made her start going to counciling now things are only getting worse and i think im going to have to put her on meds because the couciling isn't really helping. I'm a father with strong christian morals so i didn't want her to see her boyfriend anymore because i think they were having sex and i wasn't going to let her think that sex before marrage is ok so me and her mother decided not to give her birth control and force her not to see him and because i don't trust her everytime she asked to go anywhere i give her more chores to do and if i do let her go anywhere i'm usually not far behind. Her boyfriend wasn't that bad and respected us more than any of her other boyfriends that we knew about, she would just run off with any other guy but he didn't have her do that. The only reason we don't like her around him is because he's 18 and he admits to smoking pot and swears its all he does, he doesnt even smoke cigarettes and she says that she isn't doing drugs anymore. he went to the church we went to (in fact they met there) so we switched churches and the other day he found out what church we went to and seen her and that got me really mad, i caught them sitting somewhere else in the church talking and threatened him with a restraining order. now things are only getting worse because the couciling isn't really helping and she doing worse in school and crying all day and she keeps asking to see her boyfriend. i think we're going to have to put her on meds what do you all think?

I"m sorry that your daughter was raped, and its very common for young girls to not say anything to parents.
HOWEVER
I think you are being WAY too protective of her right now, and although you are trying to protect/helo her, you may be hurting her. You've eliminated a social life by giving her more chores and (surprisingly) by switching churches. I understand your strong morals and that you are only trying to do whats best for your daughter, but in all honesty i think you need to ease up on the leash and let her find her way. by sheltering her you're not helping the situation at all. ESPECIALLY with boys and being raped etc. You actually should be so thankfull that she isn't scared of men entirely since that event. And if she has found someone that respects YOU and HER i think thats enough to let her see him.
She doesn't need to be put on meds, she needs to be set free and let her live her life without you lurking around the mini put course while she's taking a shot, or being close by when she's at the movies.

ALSO

i think they were having sex and i wasn't going to let her think that sex before marrage is ok so me and her mother decided not to give her birth control and force her not to see him

I'm sorry but this has got to be the WORST parenting tactic EVER. If you thought she was having sex, odds are they might have been. By NOT putting her on the pill or talking to her about safe sex, you decide to NOT to, and bann her from seeing her bf whom she could sneak out and go see and have sex anyway.
Again, i understand and respect your beliefs about sex before marriage, but by NOT putting your daughter on the pill or talking about condoms or ANYTHING you run a GREATER risk of her contracting a STD or becomming pregnant.....which is alot worse then her seeing her bf now and then

[ljmahr]

I do agree that you are being way over protective. I also agree by not letting her see the bf you are pushing them together. That being said I do think the having sex is part of her depression from being raped. My friend's daughter was actually bruttally raped and that is how she is dealing with it. Maybe talk with the counselor and ask them their advice on how to deal with the situation. Couldn't hurt anyway. Good luck!!

[Amber]

I really like Teresa's idea. I don't think it's a good idea to keep them apart, just seriously monitor their time together if you don't want them having sex.

[Teresa]

I know it worked with my son and his girlfriend....they were always at either our house or hers, and always supervised by parents, after they got caught in some heavy making out.

[HappyMomma]

Originally Posted by CrazyDad

I also want her to have a better relationship with us cause she never used to talk to us now that she is we don't like what where hearing, she told us that they had where having sex and that they wanted birth control but like i said "strong christian values".

You want her to feel more comfortable talking to you, yet look at the consequences she is now facing. I don't think that encourages her to be more honest.

Another thing is that when my mom would disapprove of a boyfriend of mine, she would invite them over and make a huge effort to like him... that usually got me disinterested in him and I would break up within a week. LOL Gotta love rebellion.