Teens on the Net: Personal Space vs Parents Right-to-Know

[meow_173]

It's been called the biggest generation gap since rock and roll. Nearly every teen in America is on the Internet every day, socializing with friends and strangers alike, "trying on" identities, and building a virtual profile of themselves--one that many kids insist is a more honest depiction of who they really are than the person they portray at home or in school.

Where is the line between ensuring your child's safety online and intruding into your teen's personal space? Should you force your teen to share their online passwords? What other online safeguards have you set at home (i.e., moving the computer to a shared public space)?

What are your thoughts? What have you done to ensure your childs safety on the net? At what age do you ease up on the net, or do you?

For more info onthe subject: FRONTLINE: growing up online | PBS

[Dadu2004]

I feel bad for my child(ren) for the technological adventrures in life...I'm a big computer dork. It will be pretty tough for them to get away with much!

Honestly though, I think that the computer should be in a shared space, and when it comes to privacy online, there is none. I wouldn't do anything like read my child's diary or any of the such, but when it comes to the internet they will have no privacy. There's way too many freaks and weirdos out there that children just don't understand. Kids are way too eager to put out personal information, and too often think that everyone is who they advertise to be online.

There's a ton of great software out there to help protect children from online dangers. I personally suggest Net Nanny or Cyber Patrol. But, having the computer in a shared space is a major deterant.

[TGyamiBakura]

ah the internet debate... Being an 18 year old teen i can relate to this one. :P In my personal opinion, putting out personal information that can be traced is a nono. That means Last, middle name, city and date of birth. The first name, state and age is fine in my book.

Don't tell anybody anything you wouldn't tell a stranger in real life. Would you give out your full name and address to somebody you met on the street? I mean, there's no way to know ANYBODY'S real age for sure. If you meet someone that says they're 16 on the streets, who knows, they COULD be 20 and you wouldn't even realize it. In my opinion, becoming a part of your child's internet life is a better alternative to putting the ban on it. The moment you make something forbidden, it instantly becomes more attractive.

This way, if you're actively involved in getting to know your childs internet friends, you can know what sort of people they hang out with, and you're not *banning* them from something they enjoy.

As for internet porn and stuff... well obviously things like that can lead to spyware and viruses, lots of money that is wasted, and general misbehavior, so porn sites generally aren't a good idea. But aside from the technical issues with it, it's no different than your son harboring a porn mag without your knowledge. Teenagers are teenagers, so lighten up. You did it too! It's just a bit more technical nowadays. I think parents are strict on that sort of thing just because their bored and like to assert their authority... But yeah internet porn is bad... But don't block too hard, otherwise Generally *good* sites will be blocked too. And then your son/daughter will just get angry at you. XD

But I don't think a paren't should have the *right* to know every single aspect of what a teen does when they aren't there. Privacy is big or you'll just get a rebellious kid who WILL turn to involved internet dating while they aren't mature enough to handle it and WILL start doing bad things... So keep the monitoring to a comfortable medium. Don't butt into your kids lives unless you really truly think there's a problem. A good way to avoid ANY problems is communication and maintaining a good relationship with your kid. so yeah...that's my opinion...

[Aunt]

this is always a tough one for me because I do think that kids need some space to find their own identity and that it is normal for them to have their secrets. But I do not like the thought of the dangers they are facing with pedophiles etc. I have a password for my niece but do not use it without letting her know first. She can be online friends with pretty much any kid she knows already in the "real" world but not with any strangers & while she may do what she wants while online we have agreed rules about how much time she can spend and the modem is turned off at other times. I have one of those parental control things to prevent porn from filtering through but I limit it to this. I figure it is not unlike kids going to the mall etc. it would be excessive for parents to follow them around but they do need to know who they are with, when they will be home etc and there are limits and cerfews.

[musicmom]

Here's what I did. I made friends with another mother at my neices school who is a friend of my neice. She has access to my neices myspace. So they came to my house (the friend and the mom, we established a friendship at this point) and I got into my neices site that she shows her friends. She has another just for her mother to see. So I copy and pasted her pics to my desk top and her dad is coming to see them on Monday. She treading on this ice. She is in the seventh grade and is showing boob. She is bent over like Miley Cyrus acting innocent and puckering her lips. Total hooker pics. She lied on her age. She is 14 and posted she is 16.

It's like this. My house my rules, my kids. They have no privacy and everything about them is game while I am their mother.
Kids who have a few myspace accounts do not have a good relationship with their parents. Parents need to learn to be a tad flexable and allow growth in their children. If they are making these at a friends house then they should be grounded from that friend (where are the parents?) I'm Sgt mom. It's fair game in MY house with MY children. Straight up.

[mymonstersmom]

I think personal space is neato, and in our household, our boys get plenty of privacy....in their rooms. When it comes to being online, I don't think that kids need to have personal space. There are just too many weirdo's out there to run the risk, in my opinion. So we have three pc's, all side by side in the office, which happens to be wide opened between the family room and the dining room.

[FooserX]

Originally Posted by musicmom

It's like this. My house my rules, my kids. They have no privacy and everything about them is game while I am their mother.

Agree 110% :-)

[Lissa]

Children should have zero privacy.

[mymonstersmom]

Originally Posted by Lissa

Children should have zero privacy.

I think that depends on the situation. I know I'd never just walk into my 17 year old's room without knocking first...same thing with my 15 year old twins. One of the twins keeps a journal in his dresser, and I think it's off limits for me to read, unless there's a real reason for me to be concerned. The two little ones are a different story, but as they get older, I think it's reasonable for them to expect a little privacy, too.
I just think there's a difference between online privacy and personal space in the home. Of course, everyone's home is different, and I'm not disrespecting anyone elses methods at all.

[Skyburning]

Originally Posted by Lissa

Children should have zero privacy.

IMO children with zero (truly zero) privacy are more likely to rebel and lash out than children given a small amount of trust. We will cross that bridge when I get to it but I fully intend to educate Nolan on the do's and dont's of the internet before I allow him on it, and I will gauge how much privacy he gets off of his capability to make intelligent choices.