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Old 08-17-2008, 12:41 AM   #1
tessera
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Default I need help with my 18 year old daughter

Hello there
Please help me what to do with my daughter. We don't have a good relationship we argue a lot. I can feel and see that she has a lot of anger inside and she hates me. I love her very much and my intention is for her own benefits and to make her happy. I always give her what she wants except for going to a private university because we cannot afford it. My daughter is only nice to me whenever her nice boyfriend is around and whenever she needs something from me. I cannot make a conversation with her or ask her any question without her getting upset. She always disrespect me.

One day she got so upset with me because of some little issue that we end up fighting because of her being so defensive. She started yelling at me and talked really fast that I could not understand what she was talking about. I told her to stop so she can hear what I was trying to say. So I said to stop or I will slap her (but I would never do that). She said " go ahead and slap me and I will slp you back. I was so shocked and I started crying.
It has been 4 days now and we're still not talking. I am waiting for her to apologize to me. Her dad always take her side that's why my daughter thinks that I am always wrong. What should I do? Should I talk to her boyfriend and tell him about her disrectpectful? She listens to her boyfriend?

Please help I've been wanting to have a good relationship with her but it seems like she's pushing me away. She doesn't want to tell me about her anger, she's not open to me or to anybody.

Thanks!
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Old 08-17-2008, 12:42 AM   #2
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Default Re: I need help with my 18 year old daughter

Sorry there was a typo error, she;s 18 years old not 16
Thanks
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Old 08-17-2008, 01:12 AM   #3
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Default Re: I need help with my 16 year old daughter

I am a father of a 12-year old, and me and my wife are now preparing for this kind of situation.

Here is an article I posted here around 3 weeks ago and hope it can help you somehow.

How Parents can understand Teenagers

Thanks.


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Old 08-17-2008, 07:01 AM   #4
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Default Re: I need help with my 16 year old daughter

Definitely don't tell the boyfriend. It will only make her more angry and feel that you are going behind her back to sabotage her.

I don't have a teenager, but I remember being one. I hated my mom and was always angry. But I was a good kid and went to school and got good grades. For me, there wasn't anything my mom could do, I wasn't about to listen to her. I eventually grew out of it and my mom and I have a great relationship.

Be there for her, let here know you will always listen and help her if she needs it. Never stop telling her you love her and I'm sure she will eventually come around.
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Old 08-17-2008, 05:01 PM   #5
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Default Re: I need help with my 16 year old daughter

Let her know that you love her and are tired of fighting. If she needs something or wants something don't do it, she's 18 she can do it for herself if she cant be even a little respectful.

Don't tell the boyfriend, that will get ugly fast, and that is something you are trying to avoid. But as Nikita said sometimes it is a matter of waiting for them to "grow-up".

Good luck!
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Old 08-17-2008, 05:11 PM   #6
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Default Re: I need help with my 16 year old daughter

Well first off...why would you slap her (or threaten to)? She's 18 and a legal adult now. I'm not sure what you would accomplish with that.

How often has this behavior been happening? Has this been going on for a long time, or has it been recent? Does the boyfriend have any influence on this behavior?

I know that's a lot of questions, but I'm trying to figure out where the source of the problem is.
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Old 08-17-2008, 06:17 PM   #7
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Default Re: I need help with my 18 year old daughter

Thank you for all the advise. The only reason I wantd to talk to the boyfriend is maybe he knows why my daughter is always mad at me. I just don't know how to ask him about it or talk to him about it without sabotaging my daughter or talking behind her back. I am hurt because until now she still not talking to me or to any of my family for 4 days now. I think she's depress for what had happened last week. I wanted to talk to her but I think she's not ready yet and she has been avoiding me. I wanted her to apolpgize to me. It's easy for me to apologize to my kids and my husband when I know I'm wrong, but this time I don't want to approach her first because she would think that she's right and I am wrong. I love my daughter so much that it breaks my heart to see her in depression. I want to make an appointment for her to see a therapy but I don't think she will agree. She needs someone to talk to but the problem is she's not open to anybody. She's a very private person and introvert. So that's why I want to talk to her boyfriend if she's has been confiding with him. Please help me what to do.
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Old 08-17-2008, 06:19 PM   #8
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Default I need help with my 18 year old daughter continuation

Thank you for all the advise. The only reason I wantd to talk to the boyfriend is maybe he knows why my daughter is always mad at me. I just don't know how to ask him about it or talk to him about it without sabotaging my daughter or talking behind her back. I am hurt because until now she still not talking to me or to any of my family for 4 days now. I think she's depress for what had happened last week. I wanted to talk to her but I think she's not ready yet and she has been avoiding me. I wanted her to apolpgize to me. It's easy for me to apologize to my kids and my husband when I know I'm wrong, but this time I don't want to approach her first because she would think that she's right and I am wrong. I love my daughter so much that it breaks my heart to see her in depression. I want to make an appointment for her to see a therapy but I don't think she will agree. She needs someone to talk to but the problem is she's not open to anybody. She's a very private person and introvert. So that's why I want to talk to her boyfriend if she's has been confiding with him. Please help me what to do.
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Old 08-20-2008, 02:06 AM   #9
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Default Re: I need help with my 18 year old daughter

Somewhere down the line you lost trust. By the sound of it she doesn't trust you. So that is why she doesn't open up to you. And I see why.
Threatening to slap :| not good at all.
You said you are hurt. No she is hurt because her own parent threaten her and so she responded back in a negative way. I am hurt for her. If you can't trust your mom who can you trust.

Now your daughter was wrong for yelling at you but what triggered it? I mean when did she started yelling at you? Why didn't you resolve that issue along time ago. Are you one of those parent who decided humm I better start parenting now, when she was about to hit her teenage stage.

I have 3 adults sons and They never ever in their teenage stage or now as an adult yell at me. They always come to me for advices. I never beat them or did any physical abuse or threaten them. All I did from day one is being a full time with overtime Parent. It is not a part time job.

Did you read Father Blogger Article. Bravo Well put Father blogger.

Remember

Parenting starts from the day your child come home from the hospital. It's not a part time job. It is a full time job with overtime.

Never ever threaten your child. Never ever yell at them. Most Importantly Never ever say words that is offensive to your child. They take everything to heart.

My 2 cent, when she start talking to you. You should apologize to her for threatening her like that. Even if you weren't gonna slap her. Again DON't say anything to her boyfriend. You need to gain her trust again, and doing that won't do it

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Old 08-20-2008, 06:21 AM   #10
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Default Re: I need help with my 18 year old daughter

you've gotten some really good advice here. I truelt hope everything works out for you
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