HELP!!! My 6 year old's teacher said if she doesn't change she'll repeat 1st grade!!!

[kaylee'sdad]

My daughter, Kaylee, is a wonderful child. She is polite, sweet, funny and beautiful. She is the light of my life. She started 1st grade August 25th. Kaylee has been in day care/school since she was 2. She had trouble last year obeying class rules on occasion but was mostly fine.

Fast forward to today. I received a call from her teacher this morning telling me that after being in class 50 minutes she had only written an M on her assignment. This is after I read/signed a note from her techer last night that Kaylee will not stop talking to others, sit in her chair, follow instructions and she does not complete her classwork. The teacher also called me last week to inform me that Kaylee would not stay in her seat or stop talking to others. My child is the disruption in class. I talked to her last night and on the way to school this morning about this. I don't know what else to do. I have already taken away every toy, game, dvd and her tv with the understanding that she can earn these things back with good behaviour at school. This has been going on since August with no improvement.

Again, she is the sweetest little girl. She's very talkative at home but I've never wanted to stifle her. Her teacher told me this morning that if this doesn't stop she will be repeating the first grade.

A little background...We had our son on 7/24 this year. Kaylee had been begging for a little brother for years and it was time. Although she was an only child for the first 6 years of her life she was never spoiled with a lack of discipline. I made it a point to teach her early on that every negative action has consequences. Now discipline at home doesn't translate to results at school. Thanks in advance for any help you can offer.

[NinJaBob]

Has the school done anything to try to correct this behavior while she's there. For example has she been put in the corner, given detention, loss of recess, rearrange her seating chart or anything like that.

Has she confessed as to why she does these things? Is she bored with the work or does it overwhelm her? Is her best friend in the class. Is there another first grade class at the school?

[Father_0f_7]

Seems like she wants more attention to me. I know you said she begged for a little brother, but she may be changing her mind. Whether you feel like you are or not...a 3 month old needs a lot of attention, and that means less attention for your daughter.

Just talk to her about it and remember it could always be worse...heck when I was 6 I threw a desk at my teacher.

[kaylee'sdad]

Thanks for responding.

I don't think the administrators or counselors have become involved. If they have no one has told me or my wife. As far as correction, her teacher has moved her to the desk closest to her and recess has been taken away several times. The teacher emlploys a "clip" system. Basically you have G-Great, S-satisfactory and u-unsatifactory which they call oops. They also get "star stamps" if they behave well throughout the day. Most of Kaylee's classmates have 15 or more stars. She has 5. She has children she calls her friends in class but no one she plays with after school.

I have asked many times why she can't control herself at school and she says she doesn't know. There are other classes at the school but I haven't thought to try and have her moved.

[Xero]

Wow, that would be hard. I don't have any school aged children, but I have five younger siblings, so... It's so hard to correct your children's actions at school, since you can't be there. I hope it's not a lack of control on the teacher's part. Not that you would want her to be mean, but if it means her doing good in school, she needs to stay on top of her behavior instead of just tattling on her all the time by calling home. You can barely deal with it by the time she gets home! It's all over by then. Aren't there such things at school as time-out (or some form) or can't she be sent to talk to the principal or something? Maybe it sounds extreme but if she doesn't think anything will happen when she does things that she shouldn't in school, then why wouldn't she do them?

She wont completely understand what being held back means, but you should tell her that if she doesn't start being good in school she's going to be in a class with a bunch of strange kids she doesn't know and all of her friends are going to move ahead to do new things in a different class without her, leaving her all alone. Try to see if she grasps this.

If I were you I would get with the teacher and talk about what BOTH of you can do to fix this. Let her know you want to help, but the main problem is that it kinda happens when you're not around and she is, so what can you do besides yell at her about something she probably already forgot about when she gets home? Ask her if she will cooperate with some of your ideas that you think will work if she applies them at school to your daughter. You know what works for her to behave at home, so help her understand. Hopefully she's not one of those teachers - "I can't babysit every student" I hate that. This is your child's future at hand.

Honestly, if it helps, when she can't keep from talking to her friends, tell her teacher to put her in a desk away from them. Alone if she has to. I personally don't understand why the teacher can't seem to handle this. If you're doing all you can at home, then she needs to be trying for her too.

You know what my mom used to tell my brother? Lol it was so funny. When he was bad in school, she would say "Do you want me to come in to school with you so I can sit next to you in front of all your friends and make you do your work and keep you from talking? I can come in there and do that, trust me." And he would say "NO MOM PLEASE DONT!! No! I don't need you to come in with me!" And she would say "Okay, well then prove that to me."

haha. Well, good luck.

[kaylee'sdad]

Father of 6,

I suspected that lacking attention at home could be part of it. We have made an effort to get her involved.

[Xero]

Also don't be scared to ask her doctor about it. They can help with psychological stuff too. Maybe she needs some other kind of help. Sometimes as parents, we don't see the things in our kids that outsiders might see, like certain behavioral problems. You never know, and I wouldn't ignore the idea, just for the sake of her education and everything. Couldn't hurt just to ask for a little advice from the doc.

[kaylee'sdad]

Xero,

Thanks. The teacher keeps stressing positive reinforcement at home. That's her only solution. I feel like we've tried everything. I'm trying not to get the doctor involved. I just can't imagine that this is a clinical problem because she is so well behaved at home.

[NinJaBob]

EDIT: I guess that you already addressed what I said. I type slow and you beat me to the punch.

That's a good idea Xero. Maybe a third party like a physician could help or maybe even the school counselor. She's not the first kid to act like this. Also what F06 said about getting enough attention at home could be the case as well. Although I expect that if this were the case she would probably act out at home as well but then again I don't know her or how her mind works.

[Trina]

Mom and former teacher here..... It could be something as simple as adjusting to the new baby in the family. It could also be a maturity thing. It takes some kids longer than others to adjust to what is expected of them in school. I agree to keep things positive.