Gettinjg dressed...May have handled this wrong.

[NinJaBob]

Every morning it is a Fight (that's right with a capital F) to get my son motivated to get dressed in the morning. He just gets distracted with other things. We have turned off the TV and gotten him up earlier and turned down the lights and sequestered his sister. But still no luck. A fly or a crayon or a piece of paper or a domino distracts him. We end up repeating over and over and over again to "Get Dressed!" We've even tried timeouts but that just wastes more time. As a result my wife is late or almost late to work everyday.

Anyway this morning I had had enough I heard her say get dressed about 5 times so I went into his bedroom and grabbed his cloths then started dressing him. I said "I'm doing this because you are acting like a baby. Are you a baby?" He said "No". I said "Well then stop acting like a baby this is ridiculous. You are making Mommy late for work and she might get fired. Do you want that?" He said "No" I said "Maybe you should tell all of your friends at school that your Daddy had to get you dressed because you were acting like a baby. How about that" He started to whimper so I backed off. Finally I said "You're a big boy si finish getting yourself dressed and then go apoligize to Mom." He kept whimpering but he got himself dressed then apoligized to Vicki. She held him and basically absolved him from all of his wrong doings.

I got a bad feeling like I did it wrong but honestly I'm at the end of my rope with this situation.

[zeitgeist]

Handled it wrong? I suppose that depends entirely upon whether or not he gets himself dressed tomorrow when he's told.

[NinJaBob]

Originally Posted by zeitgeist

Handled it wrong? I suppose that depends entirely upon whether or not he gets himself dressed tomorrow when he's told.

I doubt it my wife sort of apologized for me and now all that's been established is that dad's a jerk..Wife and I will be talking about this tonight.

[Xero]

Nah I would totally do that lol. Sounded exactly like something my mom would have said to us haha. I know it bothered him, but it's true in a way you know?

As for how I think you can help him do the right thing. Here's what you may have to do. This is how my mom did it. To get it done and out of the way, she would go in there and wake my brothers up. WHILE she was standing there, and as soon as they got out of bed, she would tell them it's time to get dressed before they could ever come out of their room and she would stand and wait for them to get dressed. They would take off their pajamas and fold them, set them on the bed, and then get dressed and THEN come downstairs. They were not allowed to come down in pajamas. It saved the whole "go upstairs and get dressed....get dressed...get dressed get dressed get dressed!!!!!! When are you going to get dressed you're going to be late?????" thing.

So I wouldn't let him out of his room to begin with until he was fully dressed.

[Elizabeth]

But the child is right. Would you get ready to go where you don't want to go for the sake of another? Day after day? As a child? Against your own will? Be interrupted from doing what you really love to do?

I do my best to understand why my child is right, before scolding him and making him feel bad. There is always a valid cause that must be addressed.
I would be honest and validate his feelings like in the Aldort SALVE formula:
"I see that you are enjoying yourself playing and you don't want to stop. I understand how hard it is to interrupt the fun." Then I would say, "I (mom) must be on time. May I help you get dressed?"

Without scolding, shaming or laying guilt, just make the dressing up fun, personal and time of connection and love. You understand it is hard for him, so you assist him and make it fun.

[NinJaBob]

Originally Posted by Elizabeth

But the child is right. Would you get ready to go where you don't want to go for the sake of another? Day after day? As a child? Against your own will? Be interrupted from doing what you really love to do?

He loves school....And I do get up and get ready and go to a job that I hate everyday for the sake of others. If didn't do that the I would get fired and my family would be homeless and starve. He has to learn that not everything is fun that some things you do because it's the right thing to do. Life has consequences even at five.

Originally Posted by Elizabeth

I do my best to understand why my child is right, before scolding him and making him feel bad. There is always a valid cause that must be addressed.
I would be honest and validate his feelings like in the Aldort SALVE formula:
"I see that you are enjoying yourself playing and you don't want to stop. I understand how hard it is to interrupt the fun." Then I would say, "I (mom) must be on time. May I help you get dressed?"

Without scolding, shaming or laying guilt, just make the dressing up fun, personal and time of connection and love. You understand it is hard for him, so you assist him and make it fun.

This is not the first time that he farted around while we were trying to get him ready and we have tried talking him into it but that doesn't work. He just blows you off. You can only ask nicely so many times before enough is enough.

[NinJaBob]

Originally Posted by Elizabeth

But the child is right. Would you get ready to go where you don't want to go for the sake of another? Day after day? As a child? Against your own will? Be interrupted from doing what you really love to do?.

My mom worked 3 jobs and I was always getting dragged all over the place and I did the best that I could to help her with whatever I could because life was tough and it hurt me to see her in pain. It's called responsibility and yes even when I was a kid I wasn't totally selfish sometimes I gave of myself for the sake of my family.

[mom2many]

I agree with Zero, make it the first thing he does when he gets out of bed, have the cloths siting out on a chair/bed/dresser somewhere easy to reach and expect him to get dressed. My son has ADHD and is easily off course and there are days where I help him get dressed, I see nothing wrong with that. I also see nothing wrong with you making your son aware of what happens when he isn't ready in a timely fashion.

Life is full of doing what one doesn't like, it doesn't mean we don't do it.

[SeattleMom]

You could also approach the situation by letting him know that Mom's car will be leaving at 7:30 (or whatever time) and he can choose to get in the car dressed or with his clothes in a bag. Most kids prefer getting dressed at home rather than school so after a couple times of getting dressed at school, he'll probably decide to get dressed at home instead.

[NinJaBob]

Originally Posted by SeattleMom

You could also approach the situation by letting him know that Mom's car will be leaving at 7:30 (or whatever time) and he can choose to get in the car dressed or with his clothes in a bag. Most kids prefer getting dressed at home rather than school so after a couple times of getting dressed at school, he'll probably decide to get dressed at home instead.

That's kind of funny and probably effective but the wife will never go for it.