Brother Ruining Christmas

[Xero]

Well, not my brother, it's BF's brother. Basically, he is a 15 year old that has always had some really bad anger and defiance issues. I mean, his mom has raised two other wonderful boys that she's never had these kinds of troubles with so I really don't think it's her. I've lived with her before and we're over there all the time, so we know first hand what Jake is like (his name is Jake). He's always been extremely sensitive and very out of hand. If his mom even dares to say no to him, he'll completely cuss her out and actually threaten to kill himself until she's broken down into sobs. She's such a wonderful person, I mean nobody's perfect, but I cannot understand why he treats her this way. She has tried everything. He has been 302'd to the mental and behavioral unit in the hospital sooo many times. She's got counceling for him and she even tried to let him go to cyber school and everything else because he's been failing school too. I mean she does NOT give up on him!! He's gone every night, doing drugs and smoking pot and drinking and then he'll come home all angry and drunk and yell at her and flip out and everything I described.

He did that yesterday while we were over, and she just turned the other way and put up with it because she didn't want to ruin our time together. Let me add that she has been SO excited about Christmas this year, she's bought so many presents, she can't wait for it she wont stop talking about what a great christmas this will be because she had so much money to spend on getting everyone such nice things. She is so giving and thoughtful!! She gives Jake EVERYTHING he wants and he never goes without! I mean I know he must be spoiled, but I just don't understand. She even helps out me and BF if we're having hard times. She's not full of money or anything, she just always puts her kids first before herself or anything else.

Anyway after we left, he started it up again yelling about how he had to clean. He just didn't want to do chores!! I just want you guys to know that this is what it was ALL about! Cleaning! She went on to tell him that it wasn't a big deal and she lets him do what he wants, and in return he needs to have responsibilities at the house. So his reply to that was that she was a f-ing c-word. Yeah, I'm not kidding. And she tried to reply and he just kept telling her to shut the f-- up and shut her f---ing mouth and he would do whatever the f--- he wants and she couldn't stop him blah blah blah. Mind you, it's not like she could even spank him or smack him in the mouth even if she wanted to, he's a big kid and a good head taller than her and plenty bulkier. She's a small lady. So there's no competition there. She couldn't even keep him in the house if he tried to leave, you know? So her husband, his step dad, tried to hold him back. So you know what he does? He beats the crap out of the guy, punching him in the face and giving him a bloody nose and a black eye. He could easily take Jake, he's a HUGE guy, but he knows it would only be worse if he hit the kid, you know?? So he takes it.

Then the cops get there (his mom calls the cops on him all the time when she can't do anything else, and he doesn't care one bit - thinks he's above the law or something) and he starts yelling and screaming about how he's going to kill himself, throw himself in front of a train, blah blah blah. So instead of getting arrested for beating on his step dad he goes to the hospital for being suicidal. His mom sat with him at the hospital for five hours and the entire time he sat there telling her over and over again that "This is all your fault - all of this is your fault because you're crazy and psychotic and everybody hates you even Steve (BF) and Ryan (other brother) and everybody else all say they hate you and you're crazy and everythings you're fault. You have to be such a crazy b--- and f--- with me and everybody else all the time".

Mind you, I am honest about people. I will tell you if I don't like you, or if I don't like someone else or if I think they're a crazy b----. She's NOT. And Steve has NEVER said ANYTHING like that about his mother. He loves his mother and would do anything for her!!!! Ryan is the exact same way and I have known them all for a very long time and everything Jake said right there is very VERY untrue. A downright lie. He just wanted to make her feel awful. And it worked.

She called me today crying so hard I could barely understand her. She told me about Jake, and what he said, and went on to say that she didn't want to do Christmas anymore that she was so afraid everyone hates her and Jake has her so depressed and upset that she just wants to cancel all her family christmas plans because she hates herself. He's made her feel so bad. I'm SO mad at him. BF is planning on visiting the hospital and yelling at Jake. He's going to see his mom today and bring some flowers or something just to tell her that he loves her because he's so worried about her.

Is there anything to do about this kid??? I feel like so much has been done already. I feel so bad for his mom, he's so awful to her. Is there anything I can tell her to help her?? What she should do with him?? Anything to make her feel better? Anything I can do myself? I just know as soon as he gets out things will go back to the way they were. I just can't believe he's doing all this crap right before Christmas. It's so awful. She was so heartbroken over the phone today that she had ME crying. I can't even describe it. Please help?

[Dadu2004]

Sounds like the kid needs an old-fashioned butt kicking. Seriously, the step father needs to step between him and his mom and knock him flat on his ass. Until someone stands up to the punk, he's going to continue the behavior.

On another note, has he been on any sorts of medication for this issue?

[fallon]

I don't really have a lot of advice, is there any way she can have him commited to an in paitent treatment? What's the father like in this situation?

[Xero]

Originally Posted by Dadu2004

Sounds like the kid needs an old-fashioned butt kicking. Seriously, the step father needs to step between him and his mom and knock him flat on his ass. Until someone stands up to the punk, he's going to continue the behavior.

On another note, has he been on any sorts of medication for this issue?

I know - you're completely right. But these days, kids will call the police on their parents for trying to discipline them like that. So now parents have to fear going to jail before correcting major problems by sticking up for themselves. Step dad would love to beat some sense into him, but then he'd have to deal with the cops. Steve might do it, but he's got his own baby to worry about at home, you know? What if Jake calls the cops on him and he goes to jail for assault? I know that's what he needs though, if only we could get away with it.

Yeah, he's on medicine... it doesn't seem to make a difference. It's just another thing for him to complain about. He'll guilt his mom about it too "I'm not good enough for you the way I am, so I have to take medicine to fix me" and she just loves him and her kids so much that it always gets to her. He takes the meds though, but they don't seem to make a difference.

Originally Posted by fallon

I don't really have a lot of advice, is there any way she can have him commited to an in paitent treatment? What's the father like in this situation?

I guess it's good to just vent... I don't know either, so. That's where he's at right now, he's an in patient at the hospital in the mental/behavioral unit for adolescents. Like I mentioned, he's been there several times cause mom doesn't know what else to do when he's threatening to kill himself and all that. But the thing is - it always goes back to the same when he gets back home. It never does a thing for him. It's almost like he enjoys it, getting the attention, making his mom feel bad, getting away from home to hang out with other kids that have problems. I don't know.

He's never met his dad, he was out of the picture before Jake was born and the only thing he does now is pay child support. Mom and step dad is all he's had, but they're both very good people. I think somehow he takes after his father genetically though, because he beat on Jake's mom and screamed and yelled at her and called her nasty names and mentally and physically abused her. Jake never saw it happen, so he didn't pick it up by watching (he wasn't born yet), but it seems like he's genetically the same way - something chemically in his head maybe. I don't know. It's so upsetting.

[Dadu2004]

I would be that if there's been multiple police reports on the kid of him getting violent with the parents that an assault charge would be overlooked. I'm not involved with law enforcement, but to me it seems that people should be allowed to stand up for themselves, kid or not. I know if my brother was doing that to my mother, he better hope he never sees me again because he'll have a new nose.

[fallon]

I firmly believe that children are products of breeding. You can change their situation for the better but you cannot change genetics, ya know. Some kids will just end up bad even if they've never met the bad parent. I hope your BF is able to make his mom feel better. Big ((HUGS)) for her

[Xero]

Thank you Fallon. I know you're right about that, I have a brother myself that's similar.

Dadu - Yeah, you know that makes sense too. I wouldn't be surprised if Steve went for that idea to be honest. All he said when I mentioned to him that his mom put him on Jake's visiting list was "Oh she doesn't want me to do that, trust me. Because they'll kick me out."

I'm not one for violence, but I do believe you can only push your luck so far. I personally think he and Ryan should gang up on him for bullying their mom. I know Ryan is livid right now, so I wouldn't doubt that happening once Jake comes home. It's just getting old, and Jake is REALLY getting old for these temper tantrums, you know???

[Dadu2004]

I can't say that I'm much for violence either...but there's 2 people on this Earth that I would get violent for. That's my baby and my mother.

I really hope that this situation gets straightened out. I hate to hear that you mother is living her life in fear of her own son. Good luck to all you.

[Xero]

I agree - thank you Dadu. <33

[ElliottCarasDad]

Originally Posted by Dadu2004

Sounds like the kid needs an old-fashioned butt kicking. Seriously, the step father needs to step between him and his mom and knock him flat on his ass. Until someone stands up to the punk, he's going to continue the behavior.

This.
He'll continue to do it as long as he gets away with it.