Today is the day I realized my daughter (18) doesn't love me.

[pjc2809]

Today is the day I realized my daughter doesn’t love me. Disrespectful is not the word here...just a teenage phase is not what this is. This is above and beyond my wildest dreams. My daughter - smart, manipulative, promiscuous, disrespectful, oppositionally defiant, is not the daughter I raised or expected. You see...she comes from a loving two parent family…with a little brother, and comfortable home. She was raised with good morals, values and ethics…she was raised to respect others and above all respect herself. She got in with a bad crowd. We tried to break her away, but it only made it worse. Although always strong willed, she started spiraling downwards about 4 years ago when she met a boy who was abusive towards her. She lives to party…She drinks and does drugs…and has trashed our house while we were away with a huge party! She has no remorse and doesn’t care about anyone’s feelings but her own. We have tried to reach out to her more times than we can count. She swears at us, and is sooooo disrespectful. We have sent her to therapeutic wilderness camps on the other side of the country, sent her to counseling, all went to counseling…nothing has worked. We are broke because of her and everything we have done to try and help…and she calls us selfish. She was supposed to start college in the fall, but we kicked her out of the house when she came home after driving drunk. At that point it didn’t matter where she was living; she was going to make the same negative choices no matter where she was. Now since she has been gone over two months, she has signed with the US Marines for eight years! I know that this will probably be a good thing for her to turn her life around, but I am so sad to know that she doesn’t love her family and wants nothing to do with us. She won’t even see us before she leaves and is holding herself accountable for NONE of her actions. She refuses to call us or drop by. When we see her in the store, she avoids us like a bad friend. It’s like she is just running away from her life. So sad…and even more sad is to have a daughter that doesn’t love you when all we have ever done is love her unconditionally no matter what the circumstance was. I have a daughter who doesn't love me and I am heart broken.

[Patn]

Hi pjc2809, this is so very sad. I am sure she wasn't always like that when she was a little girl. I am sure some day she will feel bad about all the things she has done wrong, and she'll say she is so very sorry. Don't give up, I bet she is a very nice girl deep down.

I am sorry she made you feel so bad.

Patti

[Kaytee]

wow I am so sorry you are going through this. I have no advise to give, but wanted you to know I will pray for you and your daughter. It sounds like she is into something that she shouldn't be in to (drugs, alcohol ect..) I do hope it works out for you eventually

[klow]

I am so sorry, too. I can't imagine the pain you and your husband must be feeling. Maybe the Marines will help your daughter learn to take responsibility for her behaviors and get her head on straight. Hopefully, her time away will bring about good changes for her and she will come back to you. Meanwhile, you are in my prayers as well.

[Tortuga]

I understand how you feel. When my daughter was as bad or worst. I can't go into detail it
hurts so much. But I can tell you that time does heal everything. She has made a complete
turn around in her life, finished college, has a great job, married a great guy and has given us
a super grandson. When things were at their darkest I never would have believed I would be
typing this, it was horrible. My wife and I cried ourselves to sleep many a night. I felt lost. But
that was then and thank goodness things have turned around. Not for me but for her.
The only other things I have to say are whether or not she loves us is not the most important
thing. We were worried more that here life would be ruined if she continued down the path she
was on. Don't blame yourself and also let her know that the door will always be open for her, no
matter how she leaves it on her end. While they are in their hateful state of mind, they will say
anything to hurt your feelings and they will enjoy your tears, believe me I know. But she will
snap out of it at some point and will probably cry 2 for1 of your tears when she comes to the
realization of how badly she acted. This is when you will be glad you swallowed your pride and
left the door open for her to return and show that your love truely has no limits. As I'm typing
this, those memories just flood back in and I could type on and on but then I would turn this
into a rant. All I can say is that things should get better and the relationship should get to be
a happier one.

Tortuga

[fallon]

I think after she spends a little time in the Marines she'll come around. She will get a chance to grow and see the error of her ways. Keep an open mind and an open heart and I bet everything will turn out OK

[pjc2809]

Thank you for your responses to my email...your words are supportive and really needed. Thank you so much

[jtee]

Sometimes one fall through the cracks, but it is never too late. Nobody's a perfect parent. Maybe the joining the Military will turn out to be the best party of her life's story.

Hope it goes well, .

[sandmike123]

I am sorry you feel that she doesn't love you, but just because she is disrespectful and joined the marine does not by any means mean she does not love you. A teenagers love can not be judged by their actions or even their words most of the time.

[BarbP]

Pjc,
My heart goes out to you because I know exactly how your feeling. I have been through this exact same thing with my daughter even the loser boyfriend that took her down further. It was the worst nightmare I ever had to live through. You said something in your post that stood out to me. You said you have always loved her unconditionally no matter what the circumstance was. I believe in times like this it is the most important thing a parent can do. I want to share something with you. As my daughter grew older and had straightened her life out this is what she told me one day. " Mom if it weren't for your love I don't know where I would be today" just hang in there and take things one day at a time. As hard as it is the Marines will probably help her because she won't be doing the drugs like she is now. That's probably why she's acting the way she is. Drugs turned my daughter into the same type of person. Mean, disrespectful, and hurtful and it is heartbreaking but it doesn't mean she doesn't love you, though surely it feels that way. As I said, my heart goes out to you and I will keep you and your daughter in prayer.