Bad...

[Xero]

I was wondering what you guys think about this... I'm not sure if I've taken the right approach with this, and I'm upset about it. As far as discipline goes with Eli, when he does something really bad (I let the little stuff slide, he's only a baby) I point out the situation and I ALWAYS say to him "No Eli, that's bad!" I couldn't think of anything better to say... I never call him bad, like saying "you're a bad boy" or "no, you're bad". I personally think that can hurt their self esteem if you're not careful, and also I truely do not think he is a bad boy, he just does things that aren't good, and therefor bad, and I think I have to tell him SOMEHOW, right? And then I'll let it go after I tell him that, or on very rare occasions I will set him in the chair for a minute of timeout. I don't spank or hit hands or anything. I just tell him it's bad what he did, and maybe timeout if he really needs it.

But maybe I'm wrong doing that, because lately every time he even drops something, or I spill something or really anything haha he says "Bad!". He says it really well!! And lately he says it ALL THE TIME!! And I don't know why, but it makes me feel horrible. Like... do I say it that much? I feel like I've been mean to him... but how else could I go about letting him know when he's in trouble? His dad says it too. I don't like him running around saying it all the time. It's hard to describe why it bothers me. Yesterday I leaned over while we were grocery shopping to check the expiration dates on the milk and get some, and when I stood up Eli was holding a chicken patty. He ripped open the package for it lol. I looked at him and I gasped like "Eli!" And before I could even say anything else, he threw it back in the cart and said "Bad!!". I wasn't even going to say that. I just feel like a jerk!!! Am I a jerk???

Do you think it's wrong to say your child is doing something bad? Is "bad" a bad word to use??? I don't call him bad, I just tell him when he's doing something bad, that the thing he is doing, is bad. I just want to know what you guys do... and is this a bad approach? What are your feelings on it? Am I just crazy for feeling bad about this? He talks so much now, some of it throws me off guard. ha.

Do you think it's okay and I'm overreacting? Or am I doing something wrong? Help.

[NinJaBob]

It doesn't sound to me like you are doing anything wrong as long as you are labeling the behavior and not the boy. Sounds like you're doing it right. When he says bad I would be sure to correct him and tell him no that wasn't bad that was just an accident.

When Ben and Maddie do something wrong I still praise them in a way. Usually I'll say something like "Ben you are a good boy and you love your sister so I know that you didn't mean to hurt her feelings right?........You sit here in timeout and think about that. Afterwards you can apologize to your sister."

Maybe stay away from the word bad and just let him know that you don't approve of his behavior. If he hits you say "Eli, good boys don't hit their mommies and you are a good boy so you don't hit mommy" Something like that.

From what I know about you Xero you are a good mommy.

[mom2many]

What he is doing is normal, no matter what way it is said the little ones will immitate it, so if "no bad" is your way he will associate certian behaviours to the word bad, that isn't a bad thing, it is his way of letting you know that he understands it's bad........but he is still going to give it a try. You could always change the wording to "NO not nice" and see how that goes.


YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOM!

It is simply put immatation.





Gosh my spelling sucks LOL.

[Xero]

Thanks guys... I did think about it like that, that he's just immitating me and would immitate probably anything I said.

I want him to understand, you know? And "bad" seems so simple and to the point, that it seemed right to use at least for now. But I felt guilty when he started repeating it. I didn't think about it like that... that he just understands it, and is using it like that.

Phil what you said, I totally agree!! I will definitely use all of that in a little while when he expands his vocabulary and learns to talk more, using sentences and everything. When he's a little older, basically. But as a baby, there's only so much stuff he understands and a big long sentence like that will go in one ear and out the other at this point.

Oh, and I do tell him (when he says "bad" about something that really isn't) "Not bad, it's okay." And stuff like that.

Maybe "not nice"... but I guess I might feel the same if he said that too. lol I just never know anymore!! It's hard being a mom when they turn into crazy toddlers!! I'm so stressed out lately. I'm glad you guys are here to give me some input haha.

Thank you!!!

[NinJaBob]

I get your point but he'll expand his vocabulary by listening to you. Also he can understand far more than he can say.

[Xero]

Yeah, I know that's true. But at times like that I'm more interested in him understanding that it's not okay for him to do what he's doing, than learning to understand what I'm saying haha (if that makes any sense). And I know he understands "no" or "bad" but I'm not sure how much he's going to understand out of "You can't eat out of the garbage because it's not good for you and it makes mommy worried about your health". lol

[16th ave.]

its kinda like the word no. the more ya say it, then the bigger chance the little ones will begin repeating it. you aint doin' to bad with how you're handling things.

you mentioned:
I'm not sure how much he's going to understand out of "You can't eat out of the garbage because it's not good for you and it makes mommy worried about your health".

ok well, something like that could be shortened to something like this: no bad, the trash is nasty. just shorten the sentences when you explain to him why something is bad or good or fun or whatever. we all know little ones have small attention spans. so shortening your statements about why something is good or bad or whatever will get the explanation done while he's listening....

[Xero]

Thank you.

Well yes, I know I can shorten things. I do talk to him aside from yes and no lol. I tell him why things are bad, I just think that not including certain key words might hinder his understanding of what I'm saying. Also, I was just going off of Phil's example where he was explaining to his son something, and in using his example I was trying to say why I couldn't exactly explain something to a one year old, I can only really tell him something using few words and key words.

[16th ave.]

exactly and that's all you really can do.
you're doing fine.
like others have said, little ones have a short attention span anyways. so until he's able to listen (not listen, that aint the right word, but will have to work) to longer sentences---making the explanation short and sweet is about the only option anyway.

as we've all said. you're doing good! atleast you're trying.

[bssage]

Xero=good mommy

I agree with m2m. I think he's just trying to use the word he hears correctly. If he rips the package open or dumps something on the ground and says "bad" I would be tempted to say "yes, very good, that was a bad thing to do."

And IMO any parent who has'nt questioned whether they are doing the right thing or not is not worth thier salt as a parent. I think we probably all do that from time to time.