My daughter is leaving in 6 days without saying goodbye

[pjc2809]

My daughter (18) is leaving in 6 days for the Marines! She is not even going to say goodbye. She has been a troubled girl for the last 6 or so years. After a lot of therapy and wilderness camps trying to get her on the right path...with no success...We had finally had enough with all of her manipulative behavior, disrespect, drinking and drugs that we kicked her out because she was causing much disfunction in the family. She has not spoken to us for the last two months...and of course we are to blame for everything, and she holds no accountability for her actions whatsoever. We have tried to see her at her place of work (a supermarket), but she gives us the cold shoulder, tells us we are selfish and bascially tells us to f/o. We have been told that she chose to be "adopted" by the Marines because we kicked her out. Although I am semi-ok with her going into the Marines because I feel this will help straighten her out - I also feel this is unbelieveable to me that she would not say goodbye to her parents and brother....the very people who have loved her unconditionally even though she put us through hell! What is she thinking? We have continually told her how much we love her and that we are always here for her to talk about things...but to leave without a word. Should WE try to see HER one more time before she goes...or will we be setting ourselves up for disappointment again??!!

[SuperMario]

I feel after time in the marines she will mature as it sounds now she sounds very immature. The marines will definatly help her.

[pjc2809]

Thank you for your response regarding my daughter. The quote you sent me (Ralph Waldo Emerson)...is SO STRANGE and GOOD...because that is the very quote my daughter had in her yearbook that she chose to put beside her name!!! I feel in my heart that you sending me that very quote is ironic enough, but also means that something good will come out of this. Thank you.

[Kaytee]

I think she will come around once sh eis there. I hope she can handle the Marines though. No small feat. I was raised with a Marine Corps dad and later a brother, tough stuff there. However boot camp is 13 weeks long and she will need you more then she knows. Write to her often and tell her how much she means to you and how much you love her and are proud of her. She will most likely feel ashamed of the way she acted and be fine.
Good luck to her and thank you for being there.

[mamab]

I have heard that the military will either make or break a person. I would think it would be a similar situation with your daughter. Best of luck and try to remember the good times with your daughter, not the things that have happened lately.

[tater03]

I think that she will do alot of growing up in the Marines which it sounds like she needs. It doesn't sound like right now she will see you though. Could you write her a letter? Even if she doesn't read it you will know that you tried but I think that she just might read it. You never know. Good luck to you and your family. I hope that your daughter find her way back to the family that loves her very much.

[iahayah]

You could try writing a letter to her, telling her how you feel. Don't blame her in the letter, or she probably won't reply. It won't hurt to admit some fault too-- the situation may well be mostly her fault but it wasn't all her fault. Or better yet, don't make the letter about the problems you've faced. Just talk about your feelings, and how you want to say goodbye to her, etc. Even if she doesn't reply, she'll remember it, which might help her to remember you positively once she is in the Marines, and able to see the problems that happened more clearly.

[Tau]

As unconditionally as you have loved her, you did kick her out of your home. It is reasonable to expect her to feel angry, betrayed and abandonded and retaliate by not saying goodbye.

Like many here, I think there is a good chance that she will gain some distance and maturity and reach out to you when she is ready. How you respond at that point will set the tone for the rest of your relationship.

Give her the time she needs and be patient. Hopefully your relationship with her hasn't been damaged to the point that she will cut you out of her life forever.

[SageMother]

Originally Posted by Tau

As unconditionally as you have loved her, you did kick her out of your home. It is reasonable to expect her to feel angry, betrayed and abandonded and retaliate by not saying goodbye.

Like many here, I think there is a good chance that she will gain some distance and maturity and reach out to you when she is ready. How you respond at that point will set the tone for the rest of your relationship.

Give her the time she needs and be patient. Hopefully your relationship with her hasn't been damaged to the point that she will cut you out of her life forever.

There are always logical consequences for actions taken. It seems to me that her not saying goodbye is a logical consequence of previous years of strife. With maturity she might reach out, but with the same maturity, she may never return because she will realize her decisions will never be compatible with your desires for her, and find the prospect of dealing with the same frictions "unproductive".

To assume that growing up will lead to her return is rather unreasonable, IMHO. I don't see her not saying goodbye as retaliation. It is the act of someone who, as an adult, refuses to look back. It is the decision of someone who is taking care of themselves.

Mature people do that.

[fallon]

I'm not sure I see wanting your child to be respectful and stay of drugs to be causing them "strife". Actions like that aren't those of a responsible, mature women