Is this normal behaviour from 3 year olds??

[jhingran]

My 3 year old daughter was an 'ideal' kid till about 2 months back. She would listen to whatever we would say, speak respectfully with others, always smiling and would always tell whenever she would need to pass urine or go to potty. She was staying with just the two of us - her parents.

In the last 2 months, she has travelled long distances and has been to her gandparents' places - maternal as well as paternal - and was given all attention from everone (she got that from us, too). Now that she has come back after staying with grandparents for 2-3 months, she is completely changed. She has become a brat, does not listen to us AT ALL, she shouts, screams and throws tantrums, she has even started wetting her undergarments and bed, too. She cries at every instance and always wants to be carried in the lap. Her behvious has really foxed us and we started getting irritated and shouting at her, which we realise is not correct, but we do not know what is the way out. Will she ever be back to her original self???

Please revert if this is normal and what should we do?

[fallon]

I think at her age it's totally normal, my daughter would change her behavior after 2 days with grandma, I can't imagine what it would be like after 3 months. She just spent a long time being the center of attention, with poeple spoiling her rotten. Just try to stay clam and not give in to her fits, if you give in to her this will never stop.

[Kaytee]

I agree with Fallon. It is probably just a phase that will pass if yo uhandle it appropriately. Don't give in to her tantrums, but at the same time if she is seeking attention, make sure she is getting it in a positive way.

[jtee]

Some kids just never let up and they will drive you nuts if you let them. And they do have many faces to their personality, but underneath there is just one little person . There is always a pattern with their behavior that you can track over time. For whatever reasons, kids naturally try to manipulate situations. .

I think the imporant part is addressing the behavior immediately before it starts to grow into a much larger problem. If parents let bad behavior go unchecked, it just grows into a much larger problem. Like putting out a camp fire before it becomes a out of control forrest fire.

[fallon]

I don't think the problem should be ignored by any means, handle it just as you would have if it happened before, just don't give in to demands and tantrums just to make them stop. Give her plenty of positve attention like Kaytee said and treat her just as you would have before her trip when she's behaving the right way and handle tantrums quickly

[Chola82]

I think 3 is a normal time for them to go a little nuts. My daugther was great at 2, and went through the terrible 3's also. I chalked it up to a heaktic schedule that was alwasy changing for her, poor little thing. Anyway I also just read a book that's put out by Brite music, it's called Dicipline, 101 alternatives to Nagging Yelling and Spanking. I'm not against spanking in the least bit, some kids do well with it and others completly ignore it, just depends on the kid... ANYWAY, the book gave lots of ideas of how to keep them from acting up in the first place, setting them up to succeed type things, and a lot of insite on some psycology behind misbehaviour. It's not a cure all, but it has some good ideas.

[jhingran]

Thank you for all your responses....I do find it easier now as it seems this is normal with all kids. By the way, my wife & myself are trying out something else, too. Whenever my kid throws a tantrum or yells / screams, we kind of divert her attention from the subject matter and start talking to her about something completely different, which she kind of gets involved in. We come back to the original subject in a bit of round about way and this time round her reactions are calmer and positive than in the first instance.

The approach seems to be working so far....hope it will continue to work in the long run. Just thought of sharing this with you all.

Cheers!

[fallon]

glad to hear things are starting to look up. Good luck to you guys

[evilbrent]

No.

In the same way that "Angry teenagers don't fall from the sky" it's true to say that "Insecure toddlers don't fall from the sky." It's not normal.

Talk to the grandparents about the techniques they used: did they smack? Did they use excessive praise? Did they use shaming language: "You're a bad girl" "Please use your fork like a big girl"? Did they have time to engage with the child - or did they spend the whole time watching tv? Did they smother the child, giving more attention than was healthy, leaving her reliant on the attention?

How did they approach the toilet? Were they upbeat and hopeful about toilet-accidents "Oh dear. You didn't make it to the toilet, let's get you cleaned up." Or were did they use shameful language "You naughty girl! You've made a mess on Nan's new carpet! Go to the toilet while I clean this up!"

Respect respect respect. The path back to the kid that you used to have is to respect your child. Find an alternative to tv, don't smack, use loving language, talk about your own feelings... all that jazz.

[nicolae]

child thrive on routine and dependance, when changes in a childs routine happens the child becomes uncomfortable and scared. her living with grandma and grandad was a major change in her life and routine, that is the reason she dramatically changed, and again also her routine that she settled in with grandma and grandad was changed again, therefor making her act out like you said. they key word in what you do next is ROUTINE, she needs to get back in a routine again, same bathtim, bedtime, teatime etc etc.
about the tanstrums, when she is having a "strop" you baisically ignore her completly, move anything out of her way that she can hurt others with or hurt herself and ignore her, but still keep an eye on her of course. children throw tantrums to get lots of attention, weather it be good or bad. leave her to it, and evenually she will stop, she may come and say sorry, and get back on with whatever she was doing.