Not easy (long)

[mom2many]

Where to start?

As some know my oldest has a severe learning disability, it's a speech/language/comprehension disorder, and it is pretty strong, it is sometimes hard to communicate with him and because of this he has no real friends to speak of, although everyone at school loves him and tries to engage him, he is just socially awkward.

In January I started to notice a disconnect, so did his teacher, but it isn't uncommon for him so nobody thought a whole lot of it. But then I started to notice a little more aggitation and a more pronounced disconnect. He got sick in Feburary which seems to have really brought everything to head, and had me keeping him out of school cause it seemed to aggrivate it even more (he says nothing happened). I got him to one phyciatrist but he did NOT like her, so I called around and can't get him into another phyciatrist untill the 24th of this month, which is about a month from his last appoinment.

Today I got a call from his special ed teacher and the school phyciatrist pulled in some favors and got me a number to a counsler and they got us in today. The counsler still wants him into the phyciatrist, cause he says that Ted present as Phzophrenic(sp?) and has depression. I learned that my son fears his future and having no wife and kids in his life, this I already suspected from previous "conversations" with him, so it wasn't a surprise.

But all he does is pace back and forth till all hours of the night, at times it's like he is not there, there is a blank look to him, he is very irritated by the older kids, but deals better with the little ones, he said he doesn't hear voices or anything, but that his brain never shuts off.

This is so hard to watch, and frustrating as the mom and there isn't much I can do for him. I just thought I would share it feels good to get that off my chest and if you made it through....thank-you!

[IADad]

((Hugs)) to you....

I'm sorry I don't have much help to offer. The only thought I had was does he understand when you explain situations to him? I mean, he understands not having a wife and kids in his future, would he understand if you could show him that not everybody does? I think that's a concept you may want to run by the counselor first, just because you may not want to add confusion, but it seems to me that if you could show him that some people never marrry, some people are happy with out kids, etc. he may not fear the future as much...maybe the only reality he can see is the family he knows with a mom and a dad and kids...\

Not saying it's an answer, just throwing a thought out there trying to find something that helps.

[mom2many]

I've pointed that out, I've also pointed out that some people don't find the right person until they are a little older. In some ways his maturity is still 12-13 years old.

I think what he is looking for is a "normal" life, what everyone seems to have but is so much harder for him. He understands pretty well, but once a thought forms in his head it is hard to reason with that thought (this is new). It's almost like he clings to an idea and won't give up on it, even if what you are saying is more logical....does that make sense?

[fallon]

I don't have much to add but I couldn't read and not comment. I'm here to listen whenever you need to vent ((HUGS))

[Dadu2004]

Yeah, I would definately take the route of him knowing that it may take a while for him to find the "right" person. I firmly believe that there is someone out there for EVERYONE.

[Xero]

I'm so sorry Mom2Many... I wish I could help somehow. He sounds like such a good kid, if only there was a way to make life normal for him. I hate to think of anyone being unhappy like that. Hopefully he'll come to realize that there is someone out there for EVERYONE and if he keeps looking and waiting, he'll find her someday and they might even be able to have kids. Just cause he's different, doesn't mean that he can't have the same things "normal" people have. It might just be more difficult to attain, and take a little longer. Nobody has to get married and have kids at 20 or anything, you know? He's got so much time to think about all that. Poor guy. <333

The oldest of my younger sisters has disabilities like that too, only difference is that she doesn't seem to notice. She has always seemed perfectly happy with life, happier than most normal people I know actually. Things that bother us wouldn't neccessarily bother her, you know? She tells us all the time that she's not interested in relationships and that she never wants kids LOL I don't get it but whatever. She's actually going to college next year, and even living on campus. I think she is going to do great. The way I see her, she might know she's different, but she seems to think that she can still do anything she wants, anything anyone else does so can she. Well I believe her. I don't see why not. I think she's lucky that way, not to be a worrier. She has some emotional issues, but I guess not the same kind of stuff maybe Ted goes through. :/

Hopefully he will get past this and overcome his fears so he can live a happy life no matter what. <3

[IADad]

Originally Posted by mom2many

I've pointed that out, I've also pointed out that some people don't find the right person until they are a little older. In some ways his maturity is still 12-13 years old.

I think what he is looking for is a "normal" life, what everyone seems to have but is so much harder for him. He understands pretty well, but once a thought forms in his head it is hard to reason with that thought (this is new). It's almost like he clings to an idea and won't give up on it, even if what you are saying is more logical....does that make sense?

Yeah, it makes a lot of sense....I wonder if part of his worry revolves around relationships he sees other's forming...like at school, he seems people being boyfriend and girlfriend and maybe he feels lieft out of tha "club." (and no I'm not suggesting that getting him a girlfriend would solve his problems...as a guy married 20 years, I know a woman is NEVER the answer....LOL!!!( sorry, felt like throwing in some levity)

That notion does bring up a thought, what does he have for friends and support outside the family? I'm sure it's great for him to have loving parents and be lucky to have so many loving siblings, but does he need more away from home? Is that very feasible? just thinking....maybe having more diversions could help keep him from focusing on what he has made into a problem?

just thoughts.

[bssage]

Thats tough.

I know what its like to worry about your kids future. As I am sure you already know. These things come to pass and the next heart breaking thing seems to come along and make the ones we have been through seem little. I know thats not good news but it seems to be the case with us at least.

We try and focus most of our energy on the small successes. That seems to have a way of carrying us through the tough times.

You know that his concerns while being highlighted due to his circumstances are probably much like alot of early teens. Do you think this could be his version of puberty??

here's wishing you well and hoping for the best to you and yours.

[mom2many]

Originally Posted by IADad

Yeah, it makes a lot of sense....I wonder if part of his worry revolves around relationships he sees other's forming...like at school, he seems people being boyfriend and girlfriend and maybe he feels lieft out of tha "club." (and no I'm not suggesting that getting him a girlfriend would solve his problems...as a guy married 20 years, I know a woman is NEVER the answer....LOL!!!( sorry, felt like throwing in some levity)

That notion does bring up a thought, what does he have for friends and support outside the family? I'm sure it's great for him to have loving parents and be lucky to have so many loving siblings, but does he need more away from home? Is that very feasible? just thinking....maybe having more diversions could help keep him from focusing on what he has made into a problem?

just thoughts.

I do think this is part of the problem, two of mine have just been able to start dating, they don't have anything steady but there are people of interest. I have thought that he may be feeling left out. But don't know how to fix that for him.

Originally Posted by bssage

Thats tough.

I know what its like to worry about your kids future. As I am sure you already know. These things come to pass and the next heart breaking thing seems to come along and make the ones we have been through seem little. I know thats not good news but it seems to be the case with us at least.

We try and focus most of our energy on the small successes. That seems to have a way of carrying us through the tough times.

You know that his concerns while being highlighted due to his circumstances are probably much like alot of early teens. Do you think this could be his version of puberty??

here's wishing you well and hoping for the best to you and yours.

I look for the small success's also, we always have with him, it was the small thing's that added to the bigger picture for him, if he spoke to a teacher..it was party time...KWIM?

Puberty maybe, he went into puberty really young...well in my opinion . But I can't rule anything out. Friday is when we go to the phyciatrist, hopefully we can start getting some answers. He has had a few good days, but today he seems a little more aggitated, but today he will also talk a little bit more to me. In some way he is like having a toddler, I have to fix his plate, and make sure he eats, otherwise he forgets what he was doing and leaves everything out.