When to end pacifier use?

[seeeker]

Our son is 3.5 yrs old. He still depends on his pacifier to mellow out and go to sleep. We have been able to contain its use to the bed/bedroom, during nap/bedtime. I think it is ridiculous at 3.5 to still be using a pacifier. We are divorced and he lives with her so I am not there much, but we would probably argue about it. She simply doesn't have the backbone to take it away for good and let him cry for a couple nights. I remember when my nightlight bulb blew out, and the first night sleeping in the dark. It was terrifying - for one night, then that was that.

Recommended to me was maybe to have with him a burial ceremony of sorts in the woods so that we recognize together and beforehand that he doesn't need it anymore. Or we could just toss it in the trash.

The main issue is she thinks it's perfectly normal and fine that he needs a pacifier still at 3.5, which I think is insane. Dependency, coddling, all kinds of issues.

Is there a general consensus and how to deal with and when to stop pacifiers?
Thx.

[Dadu2004]

You'll hear varying opinions on this, but for me, it's a personal issue. Take it away when you feel the child is ready. It could be age 1 or age 3.

[Xero]

I don't think it's a big deal. I mean yeah, he's a little old for it. But he only has it in bed, so what is it hurting? I think a 3 year old running around with a binky hanging out of his mouth while at play or at the store or something during the day is out of the question, but at night if it's what comforts him, I don't see why it matters. It bugs you, but is there a real solid reason that you think its hurting anything for him to have it? Or does it just annoy you? I would want a real reason to put him through giving it up. But I understand he is old for it, for sure. I mean he's definitely got to let it go sometime.

You know what one of the guys that used to hang out on this forum did with his daughter and her binky? I thought it was the coolest thing ever, I hope he doesn't mind me sharing. He took her to Build-A-Bear and they put her pacifier inside the teddy bear she made, so she could have it forever but she didn't need to use it anymore. He said she dealt with it really well. I thought it was a super cute idea. The burial idea sounds kind of dramatic to me and might get him all worked up, but I guess you never know.

Honestly, I took my son's binky away too early and now he depends on a sippy cup with milk in it to go to bed with, so I'd say be happy he just needs the pacifier. I have to worry about the whole "you put your kid to bed with a drink" issue. I WISH he just slept with a binky.

Or maybe you could tell him that when he turns four, you're going to put the binky away forever and just keep reminding him so that he can prepare himself for the ordeal. I'd say at four years old he should be able to cope with letting it go. But every kid is different, and you know him better.

I don't know. Just trying to come up with some suggestions. I don't think it would be terrible to take it away as he's pretty old, but I don't think its a big deal that his mom lets him keep it either. So it's a tough one. Either way you both are going to have to agree on it before its done so you should really talk to her about it the most.

[IADad]

luckily our 2 yo, never took to the pacifier, rejected it from day 1...

DS two was pretty adicted and we set 3 yo as the deadline to have him weaned from it. At about 2.5 we had him down to just at bed time (and naps at home). Then a friend announced she was pregnant. So, we made a big deal about how the new baby was going to need pacifiers, and we boxed them up and pretended to ship the off for baby G....it worked for us....

[seeeker]

Ok thanks for the replies. I guess it's not the worst thing in the world, maybe it's my issue. I'm just worried about the dependency aspect, whatever that means. I don't know, its just seems like it's time; though he definitely relies on it still. I like the teddy bear idea, not sure if we have somewhere where you can make one but something similar might work.

Quite regularly with him we talk about giving it up, he seems to understand that, in fact once he volunteered to throw it out the window for good. We did that, but come bedtime he wanted it back.

I just didn't know if I should be completely alarmed by it at his age or not.

[Cthru]

I think 3 is too old but I've never had one really take to the binkey

[IADad]

Originally Posted by seeeker

Ok thanks for the replies. I guess it's not the worst thing in the world, maybe it's my issue. I'm just worried about the dependency aspect, whatever that means. I don't know, its just seems like it's time; though he definitely relies on it still. I like the teddy bear idea, not sure if we have somewhere where you can make one but something similar might work.

Quite regularly with him we talk about giving it up, he seems to understand that, in fact once he volunteered to throw it out the window for good. We did that, but come bedtime he wanted it back.

I just didn't know if I should be completely alarmed by it at his age or not.

you mean there is a place on this planet without a build-a-bear workshop? We have a love/hate relationship with them.....

[IADad]

Originally Posted by Xero

Honestly, I took my son's binky away too early and now he depends on a sippy cup with milk in it to go to bed with, so I'd say be happy he just needs the pacifier. I have to worry about the whole "you put your kid to bed with a drink" issue. I WISH he just slept with a binky.

I know....we faced the same thing with needing a sippy to sleep. We just started making a rule about no drinks at bedtime. for a while he'd fuss about it, and I found what worked was instead of telling him "no," I tell him "Okay, in a little bit...." and he forgets about it....(I know, I'm evil). It's also helping with potty training.....

[Xero]

Well good luck with the binky struggle seeeker.

IADad - Ugh it drives me crazy. I'm pretty sure I'm going to start watering down his milk at night so I'll feel better about it lol. The first cup I give him when he goes to bed initially, he drinks it completely gone before falling asleep. He does that every night. But he wakes up once in the very middle of his sleep time wanting more in his cup and I always refill it, and that's where the worry comes in for me. I think I'm going to make that milk cup more water pretty soon. Then when he gets a little older I'll be making the no drinks at night thing a rule. It does have to end at a point.

[Cthru]

Thankfully, we've never had an issue with bed wetting or having to use pull ups. I really thank my lucky stars for that because many kids that were potty trained WELL before Michael are still in pull ups at night. I guess he has a bladder of steel or something.. I somehow managed to talk Michael into giving up the milk at night for a sippy cup of ice water and he's fine with it now. What I'm trying to get past is him wanting a snack at bed time. Usually it's some cut up apple or banana but it drives me crazy as it's after he's brushed for the night.