need some advice, how to handle this situation....

[epi4561]

First of all... I know I handled this just about as wrong as any parent could and as of yet I haven't decided if I want to share that part with you yet. lol.

Also, please forgive me, as this is a fairly complex situation and I am finding it to be a difficult one to describe in writing. But here it goes.

to make it easy here is a cheat sheet:
boy= 8/9th grade neighborhood boy
girl 1= 8th grade girl 1
girl 2 = 8th grade girl 2
fr1 = friend 1
fr2 = friend 2
sis 1 = sister of friend 1
sis 2 = older sister of girl 2
d11 = my 11 yr old daughter (6th grade) & one of the nicest and sweetest kids on earth
d15 = my 15 yr old daughter (10th grade)

Ok, so d11 comes inside and tells me that she and 2 of her friends were walking around outside when boy, girl 1 & girl 2 come up to them and ask if they knew where sis1 was. (which I later found out that either girl 1 or 2 wanted to fight) they said they didn't. girl 2 asks them if any of them are related to d15 and of course d11 says she is. girl 2 says that she should change her name, or something along those lines. d11 tells her she needs to get away from her and leave them alone. girl 1 gets in d11 face and tells her that she needs to watch her little mouth and stop sassing her. girl 1 then tells d11 that she would have no problem choking her until her little head pops off. d11 said go ahead I dare you to put your hands on me I'll go get my dad. fr1 also tells them that she'll call the cops if they touch her. boy pulls out his phone and says here call them. girl 1 then proceeds (in what was described as a taunting like manner) to pat, tap d11 in the neck/chin area with the back of her fingers. d11 swats her hand away and misses and tells her that she has no right to touch her and then came in to get me.

I'm not sure if this had anything to do with it but I later found out that girl 2 is the younger sister of sis 2 who has been feuding with d15 for the past year. sis 2 is the current girlfriend of d15 ex boyfriend (who d15 wants nothing to do with anymore anyways...)

I know this is really confusing but I really would appreciate any input as to how you would handle this situation.


thanks-epi

[Choppy]

From what I gather you have two daughters, the younger of whom is being bullied by neighbourhood kids, possibly as a result of some "feud" between your older daughter and some other kid.

The good news at least, is that as a parent you know about it.

Your options as I see them:
- find out as much information as possible about any such incidents, including the full names of people involved, addresses, school attended etc.
- keep a record of the incident(s)
- brainstorm with your daughter to come up with options for handling such situations if they come up again:
*who might she call if she feels threatened?
*how could she cut off the conversation and leave?
*how could she avoid contact with the bullies in the first place?
- as a parent confronting a bully, you might want to get the bully to explain his or her actions (and don't let him or her put a spin on it)

[epi4561]

Wow, thanks for the reply and the lesson in summation. I seem to always go in to too much detail..

My biggest problem was the part where the other girl put her hands on my daughter. I have always had problems handling those types of situations.


thanks-epi

[Mom2all]

I'm like you... no person should ever touch your child. There are several ways you could handle it. What they did was illegal. (Communicate a threat and assault. ) I would consider that because of their age compared to your child and for the fact that next time, or if she had of been alone, it could have turned out different.

I had a situation with one of my sons when he was in like 4th grade. I looked up the kids phone number, ( weird last name helped) and spoke to his Dad. I was very nice but stern, and lucky for me, he was very understanding and it solved it. That might not always be the case when talking to another child's parent, however, I would then resort back to your first choice. NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO EVER HARRASS, THREATEN, BULLY or ASSUALT a child. Them being older, and doing it in a group like a pack of lions would make me less likely to ignore it.

[Xero]

I also would have attempted to speak with the parents of the offending kids. I have to admit I might have found myself confronting them first. :/ I don't deal well with anyone or anything threatening my kid. It would have probably started with me barging out there where they were (if they didn't run lol) and I would probably tell them off a little (but in a mature manner hopefully lol) like in the way of letting them know how wrong it was for them to do that, and that I'd like them to take me to their parents so that we could have a talk. I might even ask them if they'd like to take a trip down to the local police station, and I'd describe to them how illegal it is for them to do any of what they did. I'd like to see what they think of the idea of being in trouble with the law.

Do you feel like you overreacted? As long as you didn't lay a hand on any of the kids, I'd have to say I probably agree. lol

But yeah, if you didn't talk to them at the time, I would probably look into getting ahold of some neighborhood parents.

[bssage]

kind of a spin off xero.

I have seen the crazy mother methode used pretty effectively. DW has used it before.

Pop out the door ranting and raving. "IF YOU EVER LAY A HAND ON MY KIDS AGAIN i'LL BREAK YOU FINGERS, SNAP YOUR SCRAWNY NECKS, CALL YOUR PARENT'S, AND HAVE THE COPS PUT YOU LIFELESS CORPSE IN THE LOCAL JAIL.

Then start throwing garbage at them as they run away.

I think my mom was a pro at "Crazy Mom"

[Xero]

LOL!!! Now THAT'S how you do it. xD