My Wife Wants to Put My 4-yr-old Son in a Ballet Class

[PaterFamilias]

I'm uncomfortable with this idea, I must admit. I know the arguments that football players often take ballet to improve coordination, strength, etc., but I think there is a difference between a grown man who is secure in his male identity utilizing ballet to improve his game, and a young boy still growing, with his male identity still forming in crucial years. Also, I think there are other activities that develop the coordination, balance, strength and discipline that ballet does -- like gymnastics or karate -- that don't carry the feminine-overtones that ballet does.

I'm not even sure what my son thinks about this. My wife let me know only moments ago, but I haven't been home yet to hear from him on the matter. Certainly at 4 years old (almost 5), he doesn't really understand all the nuances of this.

What are people's thoughts?

[Xero]

I would take him to a class to watch, let him see the whole session, and then take him home and ask him if he really wants to do it. Or you could show him pictures or videos online, but I would show him little kids doing it only because the adult version is kinda different. I don't really think its about what your wife wants to do, but what he wants to do. I would express to him that its completely okay for a boy to take ballet, but I would also definitely let him know that mostly girls do it, so he would probably be slightly outnumbered (but not completely). I don't think you should focus on that, but I think its only fair that we tell our kids the truth (which is - a lot of boys play football, and - a lot of girls take ballet). I also think that there are other activities that are very similar to ballet but they aren't so female-oriented. Like you said, gymnastics or karate. I would just talk to both of them about this in a genuine way, but don't be like "Ballet is for girls wtf!!!" lol. I would help him explore and let him see his options and see what he wants to do and then make the decision with your wife from there.

[IADad]

I don't think there are "nuiances" uness you put them there. I like Xero's advice a lot. I think this really needs to be something HE WANTS to do and needs to know all about before starting.

I agree there are plenty of other activities, none better, none worse for coordination etc. and I think the same connotation does exist with Gymanstics, but it's about what you put the focus on. I mean seriously it depens a little on your area and social circles etc. There are some places where even music lessons would be considered "sissy." So, I don't think you want just old sterotypes driving this decision. If it's going to be something he likes and really wants to do and understands that not many boys do and maybe even that some people think it's only for girls, then fine, he can go with eyes wide open

[Jeremy+3]

I did ballet from being three to 19, I don't have time anymore, well I'm probably too old now as well.

[bssage]

My boy did dance until 2nd grade. His cousin still does. I'm pretty sure it didnt gay them up any.

IMHO activity at that age is activity. The more the better.

[xox.ilu.xox]

I agree with Xero, take him to a class or two and see if he likes it. I really dont think it would change "sexual preference". There are plenty of perfectly straight men in ballet. Any activity is good for a child, and if hes interested in ballet, let him try it out!

PS. lots of ballet moves are strictly oriented at men when they do ballet, so dont be worried bout tutu's or too many pliets

I know this cuz i danced for 8 yrs, jazz, but i watched many a ballet class with boys in it

[TabascoNatalie]

my first thought -- "Billy Elliot"
Honestly, myself I never thought I'd send my boys to ballet. But I think about figure skating -- seems a gorgeous thing to me.
But... if the kid likes it -- why not. You can take him to football as well :P

[AmyBelle]

Ask your son, if he wants to do it then I dont see any reason to stop him.

[rob56601]

Likes and dislikes shouldn't be the final factor in this. The fact is, he likes eating cake and candy, but you're not going to let him do just because he likes it. And, at that age, kids are fical and their likes and dislikes change frequently.

Growing up is hard enough these days. You concerns about him being treated like a sissy are completely valid, as is your wife's request that he become involved in something. You're both his parents and there has to be something you can both agree on for him to do. You're the parents together, you make the decision together and in HIS best interest. If your wife claims it's ballet or nothing, she's using him to prove something and that's not right.

Find common ground and get him involved. It's the interaction he'll enjoy more (and will more benefit him) then the activity itself.

[TabascoNatalie]

recently i read article, that female figure skaters in USA have difficulty finding a partner. because most parents send their boys to football,baseball, hockey, but rarely to figure skating. so these girls try to migrate to Eastern Europe or Russia, to find a partner to skate for USA in Olymics. How interesting is that?