Need help with a dramatic son.

[vamommyof2kids]

My son will be 10 in a month, and he is VERY dramatic. I love my kids, and wouldn't trade them for the world, I just worry about my child.

He has always been a bit on the sensitive side, very easily offended and upset. However to other people, he's rude and insensitive. He doesn't seem to understand that he can be hurtful towards other people, but he himself is easily hurt. I don't really know what to do.

He's also very quick to break down crying for something simple. For example, we're wrestling around, playing, having fun. He kicks very wildly, very hard, and I tell him that he's getting too rough. He continues to kick harder, so I pin his legs down and we stop wrestling. I wasn't pinning his legs hard, not at all, but he's bawling crying saying it hurts.

I try to explain to him that he can be hurtful to other people, like people hurt him, but he doesn't get it. Whenever he's mean to other people, I ask him how he would feel if he was in that person's shoes. I try to get him to understand how the other person feels, and when he gets offended or hurt, I try to get him to understand that he does the same things to others.

A little background information - his father and I divorced when he was 5. The divorce was HARD on him, because his father spent the first 2 years mentally manipulating my son. His father was in drug rehab and was an alcoholic. His father introduced my son to a new "girlfriend" every month, his father didn't have any rules, and my son got injured, sick, or infected with bugs each visit. About 6 months ago, I moved about 700 miles from his father. My son has said that he doesn't want to see his dad again, but the courts won't do anything about the visitation because there's no "proof of physical or mental abuse", regardless of everything that my son has been through and my ex's drug rehab. Moving along, my son is supportive of the move, and of my relationship with my fiance and upcoming wedding. And my son has been overall more happy, he just has these "drama-queen" moments that are really disturbing.

Also, more information, my ex was always overly protective of my son. Like, overly affectionate and babying. My ex cannot control his emotions sometimes, and tends to display all emotions outwardly. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but I do want my son to be able to express his emotions in a healthy way, as opposed to bawling crying and hitting others. My son is very creative and loves to draw, and I try to encourage that as an emotional outlet for him, but I just don't know.

I worry my son may need therapy or something. I don't know what to do. Should I put him in the boy scouts or something masculine? He has a 5 year old sister, but they only play well together for short periods of time. I attribute that to typical brother/sister relationships. I'm talking about the atypical behavior he expresses.

I'm thinking about talking to the pediatrician about it. His birthday is next month, so he'll be going in for his yearly checkup. Should there be other things I look for, different red-flags that could mean something like mental instability or like ADD?? He's a smart kid, got honor roll this semester, and tends to get great grades. I don't know what to do. Thanks, any advice would be appreciated.

[bssage]

Sounds like your doing all the things you should be and paying attention to all the things it could be. I dont have much to add. This may sound trivial and stupid simple. But how is his sleep paterns. I know it can have a big effect on mood and especially the mood extremes. Just a thought I'm sure the little guy has a lot on his mind for a 10 yr old.

[vamommyof2kids]

For the most part, his sleeping patterns are fine. He goes to bed around 8:30-9pm, gets up at 6:30am. He has mentioned before that he's had problems sleeping sporadically, but nothing regular. He tends to say that when he wants to read, which is one of his favorite activities. I've kept him out of contact sports, like football, soccer and karate, because of his bad sportsmanship.

I guess I'd describe him as having an inability to sympathize with anyone, but he expects everyone to sympathize with him. Hmm, I don't really know what to do. Like when he got upset about me holding his legs, I told him several times that it wasn't my intention to hurt him and I was sorry if I did, but that he did hurt me and my fiance (his soon-to-be step-dad, who he has himself called "daddy").

One thing that really REALLY bothers me is that he flinches like I'm going to hit him every time I'm close to him. I can count on one hand how many times I've resorted to physical punishment with him in the past 5 years. I don't hit my kids, usual punishment is increased chores, writing sentences, removal of privelages (no TV or PSP), and writing letters of apology to those he has hurt. But why does he flinch? Why is he afraid I'm going to hurt him? I've asked him before, and his only response has been "I don't know" (the usual response to 75% of questions to him). I honestly do believe that while he was spending visitation weekends with his father, his father has brainwashed him into believing that I'm mistreating him. His father is a mean, horrible person who has gotten my son to say on multiple accounts that he's being physically and sexually abused in my care. After 4 investigations of false allegations, my son eventually tells the truth, only after he was ripped out of my care 4 times and questioned by state and county child services caseworkers and investigators. My ex is no longer allowed to make any accusations against me, and we had a suit against him for defamation of character and false charges. This was around the same time that my ex failed a drug test that the state child services department gave him. Yet they couldn't halt his visitation.

I fought for years to have the visitation stopped, because my ex was mentally destroying my son. Since it was difficult to prove, I lost each and every case to get my ex's visitation privelages revoked. This is another reason why I moved the children 700 miles away. Their father calls once a month, if that, and spends the first 5 minutes fussing and yelling that he doesn't get to see the kids anymore. Then he tells both of the kids (I have a 5 year old daughter by the same man) that they are not worth spending the money to see them spring break. He tells his 9 year old son and 5 year old daughter that it's not worth spending the gas money to meet me halfway to see them, because it's only for a week. My kids were devastated.

Come to think of it, that conversation took place last weekend. Maybe his behavior today is a way of him acting out in depression/frustration because of what his father said? Hmm, I'm going to try to sit down and talk with him. I always try to talk to him face to face, but maybe I can get him in with a counselor, a third party, and maybe he'll be more willing to say what's really bothering him. ( I just hate to think of my son as hurting or having some sort of internal conflict that he's afraid of talking to me about.

I do appreciate any and all information or suggestions that anyone can provide. Thanks for listening.

[jdjmh]

it sounds like adhd might be something to check into, in my experience with disordered kids, delays in empathy and feeling that people are treating them unfairly or trying to hurt them are common.

i also don't necessarily believe all children raised by single parents need an opposite gender role model, but in this situation, it might help. if someone of his gender sets an example of appropriate behavior for him, he may be more likely to identify with that person and understand what's expected of him.

sounds like he's going through a lot and this kind of behavior isn't all that uncommon.

[Xero]

Again, please keep an eye on how old a thread is before posting in it please jdjmh.