Nephew being mean to my kid

[Mika301]

My son is 7 years old and my nephew is 4 years old. When my nephew was born my son was just 3.5 years old and everyone was treating him as the big cousin that is so responsible to provide a good environment for the baby. I was doing that too not for anything but because I am raising my son to be considerate and to have good behaviors towards others. In general I don’t let situations go by if my son is not nice or is doing something good I always stop address the issue and let him share, love and care about others. At least that’s my intention and I am always the most mom when we gather with others that talk to her child and point out for every mistake.

My nephew is so mean to my son, he hits, doesn’t share, makeup stories to blame his mistakes on my son. If there is a mutual friend there is no way he lets my son even come near that kid. He even said it couple of time that he will share only with the other kids but not my son. One time I told them if you didn’t play together I will take that toy away he said fine take it better than letting my son take a turn. I don’t want to be boring but there is many many small incidents like that and I am so angry.

My son is mot aggressive and he never hit back or anything he just go with the flow but he is feeing now that he is not loved from his own family member.

My problem is not the child but I am so angry because my sister in law doesn’t do anything with the harm is towards my son she just keep saying I don’t know what’s wrong he is always nice with all the other kids!!!!! My brother onetime was telling him to share with some friends and the minute he told him to share with my child she said stop he’a been sharing with everyone don’t tell him that. As if it’s acceptable to let him be like that towards my son because he is good to everyone else. We had a gathering at my house he took all the toys of coarse, didn’t let my son plays with anyone or with his own toys and she kept taking pictures for him with other kids but not with his own cousin.

I don’t know what to do I am so angry and I can write more details. I also don’t want to cause an issue in the family but can’t take it anymore.

 

[Moonstone]

I'm sorry you and your son are going through this but I don't think you're in a situation where you can avoid stirring things up in the family while also doing what's best for your child.

From your post it definitely seems like your sister in law isn't doing what she needs to do to help foster a good relationship between your two children. You can't blame the child, he doesn't know any better, and it sounds like you've done your part to help your son be a good person toward your nephew, and it sounds like your brother tries to help facilitate a relationship, too. Has your bother tried having your nephew share and play with your son before other children? (so your sister in law has no reason to say that nephew has already done enough sharing and opens more opportunities for photo ops)

When other children are involved, what are the relationships to your nephew and son?

I think the best way to avoid conflict would be trying to get nephew and your son playing and sharing before other kids more often. If the other kids are also family you adults can set up a rotation of who kinda gets first dibs and when. If they're not family I think you should try to emphasise family first, at least most of the time.

I'll be curious how this goes over with your sister in law because I feel like she's the real problem here but since I'm only going based off your post I hope I'm wrong.

 

[Mika301]

I'm sorry you and your son are going through this but I don't think you're in a situation where you can avoid stirring things up in the family while also doing what's best for your child.

From your post it definitely seems like your sister in law isn't doing what she needs to do to help foster a good relationship between your two children. You can't blame the child, he doesn't know any better, and it sounds like you've done your part to help your son be a good person toward your nephew, and it sounds like your brother tries to help facilitate a relationship, too. Has your bother tried having your nephew share and play with your son before other children? (so your sister in law has no reason to say that nephew has already done enough sharing and opens more opportunities for photo ops)

When other children are involved, what are the relationships to your nephew and son?

I think the best way to avoid conflict would be trying to get nephew and your son playing and sharing before other kids more often. If the other kids are also family you adults can set up a rotation of who kinda gets first dibs and when. If they're not family I think you should try to emphasise family first, at least most of the time.

I'll be curious how this goes over with your sister in law because I feel like she's the real problem here but since I'm only going based off your post I hope I'm wrong.

Moonstone, you are absolutely right I can’t blame the child I only blame the mother for that. My brother tries but in my opinion it’s not enough. When you have a child with that behavior you need to constantly tries not one time and stop. She gives excuses for him being like that to my son that he is always so good to everyone except my own as if my son is the problem. I tried to say stuff to him before like don’t hit him or share or him or when he takes my sons toy and refuse to gove back and call ot his but them she comes and say to my son leave it for him please he is still young!!! My son when he was younger than than I never did that I was always encouraging good behavior towards anyone around us. My son was not allowed to do that. The friends we had the other day she was a little girl and he was getting to close to her holding her all the time even when she wanted to play with my son he grabs her really hard not to let her come close to my son until at some point my son went to my room to sit by himself and he said no one wanna play with me. My sister in law was with the kids that day because I was taking care of the food and she didn’t do anything she just kept laughing and saying ohh it’s because he is in love with her as if again that’s an excuse for him to be mean to my son. He said it straight that day that he will share with anyone but my son And even I can tell that the girl’s mom was not so happy with that.
Oh that’s also another thing, I hate when she highlights on how the son is in love with this girl and other girls. They are kids how can you encourage for that??

he also starts to lie and by that we all know our kids and know when they lie and we shouldn’t give them a way with that. Like he will hit my son in the face and then say that my son hit him in the face and he starts to cry hard but when you see them you will notice that my son has a red bruise on his face not my nephew but she will carry her child comfort him and kinda tell my son why do you do that in a very annoying way and walk a way before my son even tell her anything.
I am so so sorry that my posts are that big but I finally have someone to vent and give advice

 

[Moonstone]

Moonstone, you are absolutely right I can’t blame the child I only blame the mother for that. My brother tries but in my opinion it’s not enough. When you have a child with that behavior you need to constantly tries not one time and stop. She gives excuses for him being like that to my son that he is always so good to everyone except my own as if my son is the problem. I tried to say stuff to him before like don’t hit him or share or him or when he takes my sons toy and refuse to gove back and call ot his but them she comes and say to my son leave it for him please he is still young!!! My son when he was younger than than I never did that I was always encouraging good behavior towards anyone around us. My son was not allowed to do that. The friends we had the other day she was a little girl and he was getting to close to her holding her all the time even when she wanted to play with my son he grabs her really hard not to let her come close to my son until at some point my son went to my room to sit by himself and he said no one wanna play with me. My sister in law was with the kids that day because I was taking care of the food and she didn’t do anything she just kept laughing and saying ohh it’s because he is in love with her as if again that’s an excuse for him to be mean to my son. He said it straight that day that he will share with anyone but my son And even I can tell that the girl’s mom was not so happy with that.
Oh that’s also another thing, I hate when she highlights on how the son is in love with this girl and other girls. They are kids how can you encourage for that??

he also starts to lie and by that we all know our kids and know when they lie and we shouldn’t give them a way with that. Like he will hit my son in the face and then say that my son hit him in the face and he starts to cry hard but when you see them you will notice that my son has a red bruise on his face not my nephew but she will carry her child comfort him and kinda tell my son why do you do that in a very annoying way and walk a way before my son even tell her anything.
I am so so sorry that my posts are that big but I finally have someone to vent and give advice

No worries, that's what the board is for after all, right?

I definitely think your first step should be to talk to your brother. He's the bridge between your two families. He's needs to get his wife on board if he values a relationship with you and your son. Hopefully he sees how hurt you are and will take a stronger stand.

 

[Mika301]

No worries, that's what the board is for after all, right?

I definitely think your first step should be to talk to your brother. He's the bridge between your two families. He's needs to get his wife on board if he values a relationship with you and your son. Hopefully he sees how hurt you are and will take a stronger stand.

I hope so, I will keep you updated and again thank you so much for your caring