I am new here and i need some help. My son is 15 years old and was in a two year relationship with a very nice girl. Well she died in a car wreck a few months ago and a couple weeks ago my son attempted suicide by ingesting a lot of pills and trying to slit his wrists. His big sister found him and luckily and i thank god that he survived. But there were no signs that he was to that point or that he was even contemplating this. Well he has been in the hospital since first a week in ICU and then he was transferred over to the mental side of it. I just don't know what to do i feel awful i never saw it. And now my 18 year old daughter is having nightmares from walking in and finding him like that. I am just at a loss i guess and looking for some insight or advice.
15 year old son attempted suicide and i don't know what to do........
- Thread starter WorriedMom
- Start date
I'm so sorry to hear that. Losing someone is disorienting and immensely saddening. I suspect it is even more intense for a young person who has not experienced death or the stages of grief to realize that it does become manageable. He should be surrounded by the people closest to him while he heals. For some reason, death exaggerates one's perception of the role the deceased one played in their life... making it hard to remember feeling connected to anyone else. I think it's most helpful to be surrounded by the people whose company you most appreciate, not necessarily just the people closest to you. Some people love you very much and are a big part of your life, but have stressful personalities and aren't pleasant company in times of grief.
Sorry I don't have any advice to offer. Grief is such a difficult time, and there's just so little one can do to comfort a person besides be there, show love, and let the person process their grief.
Sorry I don't have any advice to offer. Grief is such a difficult time, and there's just so little one can do to comfort a person besides be there, show love, and let the person process their grief.
Worriedmom,
It is obvious that he is not taking the grieving process well at all. He has the attention of professionals now who will be able to help him through his time of grieving. Sometimes it takes outside help to process a loss. Honestly, losing someone if the single most difficult thing in life for all of us. Having to go through that at age 15 is very though, no doubt.
I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through yourself. The only thing I can suggest is to talk to the hospital, make sure you know what they are doing and how they are planning to help.
All my best to you, I hope that everything works out for you, your son, and your daughter.
It is obvious that he is not taking the grieving process well at all. He has the attention of professionals now who will be able to help him through his time of grieving. Sometimes it takes outside help to process a loss. Honestly, losing someone if the single most difficult thing in life for all of us. Having to go through that at age 15 is very though, no doubt.
I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through yourself. The only thing I can suggest is to talk to the hospital, make sure you know what they are doing and how they are planning to help.
All my best to you, I hope that everything works out for you, your son, and your daughter.
Wow, where to start...
I think I should start with seconding the suggestions for professional help. There are amazing people out there who are trained and skilled at helping others work through grief.
Secondly, a few more personal thoughts
- please don't judge him for attempting suicide! It is very popular to throw accusations of selfishness and cowardice at people who survive suicide attempts. The guilt and self doubt that causes does not help the healing process at all. Anyway, it's not true. Suicide is an act of desperation and anyone who doesn't understand it should rather be grateful that they've never experienced that level of despair.
- Consider also getting professional help for your daughter. It must be extremely traumatic to find someone you love like that...
- don't beat yourself up. The signs can be very hard to spot if you don't know what to look for, and most people don't. It's not your fault!
- lastly, on supporting him in his grief, I will say this
* listen. Really listen, without offering advice or encouragement. Just let him talk and show empathy.
* stay away from gliches and platitudes. There may be many fish in the sea, but he doesn't love them and doesn't have dreams for a future with them that was suddenly destroyed. Time will not heal this wound - the best he can hope for is to learn to be happy again, in spite of it.
* Don't even mention pursuing other girls. He will do so when he is ready, and to make him feel pressure to do it earlier, will only result in more pain for him and the girl in question.
* Encourage him to stay busy. The best thing for him now is to get back to his old hobbies and interests. When someone you love dies, it feels impossible that the earth can keep spinning and the people around you can just carry on living. Don't they realise the world has ended? The only way to get out of that hole of disorientation is to get back into life, and to see for yourself that it hasn't ended after all.
Ps. You wil notice that I didn't refer to his young age or the seriousness of the relationship. It is obvious that it was very serious to him, and invalidating his feelings is the last thing he needs right now.
This is all I can think of for now. I hope it helps...
I think I should start with seconding the suggestions for professional help. There are amazing people out there who are trained and skilled at helping others work through grief.
Secondly, a few more personal thoughts
- please don't judge him for attempting suicide! It is very popular to throw accusations of selfishness and cowardice at people who survive suicide attempts. The guilt and self doubt that causes does not help the healing process at all. Anyway, it's not true. Suicide is an act of desperation and anyone who doesn't understand it should rather be grateful that they've never experienced that level of despair.
- Consider also getting professional help for your daughter. It must be extremely traumatic to find someone you love like that...
- don't beat yourself up. The signs can be very hard to spot if you don't know what to look for, and most people don't. It's not your fault!
- lastly, on supporting him in his grief, I will say this
* listen. Really listen, without offering advice or encouragement. Just let him talk and show empathy.
* stay away from gliches and platitudes. There may be many fish in the sea, but he doesn't love them and doesn't have dreams for a future with them that was suddenly destroyed. Time will not heal this wound - the best he can hope for is to learn to be happy again, in spite of it.
* Don't even mention pursuing other girls. He will do so when he is ready, and to make him feel pressure to do it earlier, will only result in more pain for him and the girl in question.
* Encourage him to stay busy. The best thing for him now is to get back to his old hobbies and interests. When someone you love dies, it feels impossible that the earth can keep spinning and the people around you can just carry on living. Don't they realise the world has ended? The only way to get out of that hole of disorientation is to get back into life, and to see for yourself that it hasn't ended after all.
Ps. You wil notice that I didn't refer to his young age or the seriousness of the relationship. It is obvious that it was very serious to him, and invalidating his feelings is the last thing he needs right now.
This is all I can think of for now. I hope it helps...
I'm truly sorry to hear about your son. 24 years ago I attempted suicide in a similar fashion due to the lose of a girlfriend. Like your son I was lucky and survived thanks to a concerned friend. First, it is in no way your fault! My parents had no idea of what I was going through at the time and I hid it very well! After my stay in the hospital I went to a psychiatric hospital as well. The first hospital was not much help and my depression worsened. My second stay went much better and they made great strides in helping me understand the root of my depression. It wasn't the girl fiend but an accumulation of things and the girlfriend was the last straw. Getting him professional help is very important but he needs to trust who is helping him. I think that was why my first stay failed, I didn't trust my doctors or staff and told them what they wanted to hear just to get out of there. Once I received the right help from the right people I was able to learn the tools that I didn't have at that age to deal with personal tragedy. It is a very tough time for your family but with the right help it can make your family stronger, most importantly your son. I don't hide from my experience and am not ashamed of what I did at that time in my life. I am sorry I put my family trough the tragedy, but it has made us all stronger. I speak about it when ever the opportunity arises and I hope you take me seriously when I say it is not your fault! I will keep your family in my prayers and hope for a speedy recovery!