18 year old son selling drugs and 15 daughter dating abusive drug dealer...

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timmo108

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Sep 29, 2013
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Default Help..I'm a mom a three .Two left at home. dealing with tens using and selling drugs
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I'm not positive how to use a forum .I never have , but desperate times call for desperate measures.My husband and I have three children. one is 22 year woman attending college student.on the deans list,sharp as a tack.
Our 18 year old son has has learning and social troubles basically forever and started using drugs at 15 escalating to very hard drugs,then selling drugs.
our 15 year old had bully issues when she Was in 8th grade .alot to do with our son .has attemptted suicide three times and hospitalized and now dating a drug dealer.
she was bullied told to kill herself and told by students she will turn out like her brother.
instead of rising above her brother she's dating a kid just like him. Just like her brother he's a dealer,is verbally and emotionally abusive to her. She tells me that's the only kind of boy that would like her.
my husband is not supportive in parenting them with me. Is there ANYONE that is coming through anything similar. l have turned in my son to the authorities several times. But they continue to do nothing
 
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timmo108

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Sep 29, 2013
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and my husband and I made the decision to forbid her from dating the kid and his parents have went behind our back and let them see eachother.recently we found out her x bf came in our home and stole my sons brand new snowboard for collatural on a 400.00 drug dealing debt. The kids family aren't very civilized they are from a shady outlaw biker gang and have literally went to other young adults homes and jumped on their car and ran.my daughter is being stuck bween loyality towards her brother and loyality towards her x bf...it causing soooi many family arguements.ans stress. I want to call the police and my husband says no. Please,I need some advice
 
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timmo108

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Sep 29, 2013
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timmo108 is on a distinguished road Default Re: Help..I'm a mom a three .Two left at home. dealing with tens using and selling dr
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thankyou so much ...its been a week since our daughter has hung out with her x boyfriend. We forbid them to date a little less then a month ago,but as a week ago they have not hung out socially. We thought this boy was out of all of our lives. It now we found out her x got burned 4000.00 dollars in drug deals. Unfortunatly my son was one of them .300.00 dollars. So my daughters x came to our home and stole my sons snowboard for collatural. the kids parents are from a biker outlaw gang and have went to one of the other kids home and the kids dad and a couple of his friends charged the kid up and jumped on his car. Then ran. These people are not civilized.i fear for my sons life. My daughter is being torn between loyality for brother and loyality to her x bf .should I call the police. I know she will be ostrisized if I do. But I fear for my sons and her safety.
 
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timmo108

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Re: Help..I'm a mom a three .Two left at home. dealing with tens using and selling dr
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Any attempts to get help for his addiction? That would be the starting point for me, because as long as he is using he will 1. Have a desire to hang out with other users/dealers, and 2. Need the money he gets from dealing.
What sporty is you daughter currently receiving or what support had she received in the past?
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timmo108

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Default Re: Help..I'm a mom a three .Two left at home. dealing with tens using and selling dr
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my son has went to therapy when he was maybe 13 to 15 but no regular basis. he refused to attend.and our Leah only went to therapy for a month or two after each suicide attempt. She actually loved therapy but once she started dating her bf .she stopped. She shut down completely.I mean literally she was out of our him from 9 am until 11 pm EVERY SINGLE DAY ALL SUMMER. with her boyfriend .and about 3 weeks ago her bf was over. I asked my daughter what they did after school. And her boyfriend tapped her shoulder and said " remember you don't have to tell her anything.he really kinda brainwashed her during those months. He isolated her from ALL HER FRIENDS,FAMILY AND VERBALLY AND EMOTIONALLY TORE HER DOWNby coming her a stupid bitch ,a slut , a so many names .he took her phones and broke it so she had to use his phone sp he could monitor who she communicated with
 
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timmo108

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Default Re: Help..I'm a mom a three .Two left at home. dealing with tens using and selling dr
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and yesterday during the day ,I spoke with my son about his addictions and how they have affected our family especially his little sister. He has a job interview today .He is trying to be there for his sister now since her breakup with her boyfriend cause since he has No MONey and has not been on his harder drugs ,he is sharing more, showing emotions more. More guilt and resentment for his lifestyles.but I told him that in the past the way he showed support to his little sister was by doing drugs ,getting drugs and dealing drugs for his little sister.I said in order for him to truely help his sister is by leading by example,rising above alllll this crap,growing up ,getting a job,stopping ALL DRUG USEand becoming happy and healthy.thT will make her want to follow his lead.and it will make him happy and lead a quality life at the same time without having to watch his back, put himself in unsafe situations and finally really enjoy his life for once. I explained to him. This isn't fun anymore is it?he is currently doing hashoil ,straight thc .he mind is more clear though than it has been for a long time and I can reason with him a little better. Next he needs to stop THAT also. And I explained once he stops ALL DRUG USE. He will feel the effects of finally being clean and sober.
 
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singledad

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There are a few things here that worries me.
1. No rehab. You just don't permanently quit hard drugs (I'm assuming something along the line of heroin/cocaine/crystal meth/etc?) without help. To quit that takes a lot of effort and dedication and a very, very solid support system. Or let me put it this way - you can quite (reasonably easy, in fact) without help, but staying clean long-term is near impossible. The fact that he is still doing drugs, albeit less hard drugs, shows that his mind isn't in the right place. He probably wants to stay clean, but can he?

He's been on drugs for several years. What people don't always realise, is that drugs stunt your emotional development. You're constantly numbing your emotions, so how will you learn to cope with them? It's like putting a cast on a strained muscle. I will not get any stronger. In fact, it will probably get weaker. And when you quit the drugs, dealing with life and your emotions is like learning to walk on that injured, and now considerably weaker, muscle again. You don't just get up off your chair and walk off into the sunset - you need rehab.

It's no co-incidence that the process of teaching someone to life without drugs, and the process of re-training an injured body part has the same name.

Yes, the first few days/weeks always feel great. You feel alive, proud of yourself, and full of hope for the future, but then real life sets in, with all its little disappointments and struggles, and you discover that you simply don't have what it takes to deal with it, and you start telling yourself that you aren't addicted anymore, so you can just take a little bit, just once, just to take the edge off. You know better now, you won't loose control again...

You probably won't like what I'm about to say, and I'm pretty sure you won't agree with it, but mark my words - if he doesn't get to space where he wants to, and is able to live life without ANY drugs SOON, If doesn't focus all his energy on learning propper, healty coping methods as soon as possible (and that includes not having to deal with being responsible for his sister's wellbeing), he WILL relapse. Perhaps not immediately. Perhaps he will last a few week, as few months, even a few years, but not forever.

If you just take off that cast and try to go for a run, you will re-injure that muscle pretty fast.

Second - about your daughter. You don't recover from the level of depression that leads one to even contemplate, let alone still attempt suicide, by yourself, or with only a month of therapy. I urge you to get your daughter back into therapy. It sounds like she was receptive before, so she should be willing to try it again, now that the bf is out of her life.
 
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timmo108

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Sep 29, 2013
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thankyou for your reply....
I am completely aware Rob needs extensive long term rehab if not impatient...this is where my biggest problem that I have always faced . Remember when I said my husband did not play a real role in making helping the kids or really any sort of decisions with them ? I literally have begged and pleaded to get Rob help and even admit or address his addiction problems since age 14. It actually hurts my heart. And it was hard enough for me to try and talk with Rob about it although I did ...daily ,weekly etc.but without his support,it was even tougher to get Rob to admit it. Now our son just turned 18 in August. When he did the only thing my husband ever did tell him I'd ,he would be kicked out if he wasn't clean and had a job. So far its not been either.so again,with or without my husband realizing it he has let him down again. He was never held accountable for his
actions. NEVER . But I've honestly felt like I've given up my life to trying to get through to our boy. From when he was a little guy,taking him to get extensive behaveural testing. Helping place him in the appropriate learning environments,making friends and keeping them .trying to help him fit .and when he started stealing from us he was 11. He stole 1000.00 dollars . Not for drugs or anything...to take a group of his buddies to radio shack and buy them toys.
with him...he actually has a huge heart ,buried under all of the hurt he had as a boy. For being so emotionally and socially different from his peers. I realize that's why he started doing drugs. Then selling. It was definatly a social thing not financial. Those kids always came back. When he sold. They needed him ...it was actually sad. BUT I know now he's 18 .I know that he is no longer selling. I know he is a little easier to reason with now without the hard stuff. I am praying he will change his mind about rehab. Cause I know with him even still doing Hashoil is not good enough. Two days ago...him and I talked..I think finally just a little glimpse of a lightbulb came on. He's actually extremely intelligent when he's nit wasted. I explained again about addiction to him. ....and he seemed like he almost admitted it. Once he admits it .I think I can try to talk him into getting help. He trusts me more now. Not the drugs.
and as for my Leah....she does need to go back to her therapist.we have a call in. We are waiting for a call back. Now that she has FINALLY realized her bf was holding her back from life itself.She hasn't seen him outside school since last week. There was of yucky drama between them and her brother and the drugselling stuff but at least they have completely severed any ties now. And I feel like I'm sooooo worried about her.When your child attempts suicide ,and you know that that's the way they handle stress. Your never at ease. you become scared of triggering that depressive behavior. So I tend to walk on eggshells around her for fear she will do this.BUT I have just stood back and let her get through this how she needs to as long as she stays safe ..I've still said she needs to reach out to friends at least a little ,she has to maintain her excellent grades. And she needs to keep communication open with me . Not everything...i mean she still needs her privacy but if she feels unsafe mentally she has to tell me. I don't want her to just recluse into her room every day after school. Its hard for her I'm sure ,to be alone and even making ANY decisons on her own after being with her bf for all those months . But yeah I do want to set an appt. With her therapist asap just to nip it in the bud.
 
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timmo108

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Sep 29, 2013
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omg Im sorry for my long posts...but I also saw you mentioned about his sister and being better about her well being....
I actually did mention that almost to the tee what you said. I said Rob .I know you hate Tucker( leahs x bf) .and I said you want to protect her from him right ? Because you know she will be better off without him right?
I said ,Rob ..she knows Tucker is no longer a part of her life now. So you don't have to worry about that ..
so the next thing to help her will be for you to help yourself. You cannot be there for her by giving her drugs or doing drugs with her. That's being just like tucker.I said , you need to rise above alllll this bullshit drugs,get a job ,make some honest money,get healthy,maybe find a girlfriend,do regular things,get a car ,your license ,travel around. Just live a clean life and learn again or maybe for the first time ever to be HAPPY.
I said...at all that time you will be helping your sister. Without even trying. Because you will be leading her by example..he actually cried and so did I .i reminded I'm gently of how he has hurt his sister and I soooo badly emotionally and verbally and sometimes even violently to his little sister. He said he does remember...and he feels such guilt for that. And that's why he wants to make it up to us. And I said then you need to work on stopping EVERYTHING NOW. You need rehab to help you.
 
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timmo108

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Sep 29, 2013
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https://m.facebook.com/home.php?_rdr#!/photo.php?fbid=10151560144280814&id=537145813&set=a.10151263989095814.449171.537145813&source=42&__user=537145813https://m.facebook.com/home.php?_rdr#!/photo.php?fbid=10151560144280814&id=537145813&set=a.10151263989095814.449171.537145813&source=42&__user=537145813[/URL]
 
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timmo108

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Sep 29, 2013
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