I married a girl whom had son that was 4 when we got together. He has never had a relationship with his biological father and I tried my best to fill in the gaps. My step son would try and try, but his dad would reject him. His mother and I decided it would be best to back off for awhile as his dad had (4) other kids by (2) other women and was pretty occupied.
Long story short, I did my best to help raise him as best I knew. I petitioned for legal guardianship of him in case anything ever happened and they couldn't reach my wife. It was difficult as my father died when I was 21 so I didn't really have anybody to get suggestions from. My wife has (3) brother's but nobody talks to each other. Very strange family to say the least. So I did the best I could. He was great having him grow up and look up to me and I grew as much as he did I think. From day one, my wife would keep certain things quiet between my step son and her. If he got a bad grade, she would keep it from me, a letter from school, etc.
This continued to happen over the years and the past couple of years has really spiraled. At first he wanted an ear ring which I was against until he was 18. I am very conservative that way and did not care for ear rings on a child. My wife and I went round and round about it for hours just to find out that she took him the night before and took him to get the ear ring put in. I was not so happy to say the least. Not only for her getting him the ear ring, but for letting us argue about it for a couple of hours knowing that it was already done.
Soon after that, my Step son's behavior began to decline. He would seldom talk to me unless he needed money or something done to his car, etc. His attitude changed. The rules we set forth when he got his car was that he was supposed to get a job to help pay for the gas, insurance and things related to the car. He drug his feet in getting the job and racked up over $1000 in car insurance and repairs that I had to pay for as he had no money. And once again, my wife stood between us and took his side.
My wife had an extensive collection of antique coins from around the world and one day, while in my gun safe, I noticed things had been rearranged. Not only are my firearms in a locked safe, but all the firing pins are removed and trigger locks are on all the guns. The guns had been shifted around, but more importantly, the coin containers were moved. Some how they had figured out a way to get into my vault and they took almost all her coins and ran down to the local pawn shop to sell them. Him and his friends then went on a shopping spree. We had cornered both his friends and him about it and they quickly fessed up. Problem was the pawn store would not release the coins back to us without a police report. I then found out my step son had a fake ID that he used to sell the coins. So if we filed a police report, they would have arrested him. This did cross my mind as possibly a viable form a punishment, but as usual, my wife jumped in.
A couple months after that, him and his friends decided to steal an Android phone from a local YMCA they had a membership at. What they didn't realize is that phone are easily tracked and the police quickly caught up with it. My step son lied and lied about being involved at all and he blamed his friends for all of and said he had nothing to do with it. I noticed before he bought some items from Craigslist, so I called him over and told him to log into his Craigslist account. He fiddled a bit and finally did and low and behold, there was an ad for an Android phone. So we called the police and explained the situation and went to the station where he was interviewed. The charges were subsequently dropped and they returned the phone to the owner. All the time my wife believed him and was convinced with was everybody's else doing it and not him. When she found out that it was him, she was more pissed at the guy for leaving the phone laying around then she was for her kid stealing it!!!
About 9 months went by and he was staying up the road at a friends house that he stayed at alot. I was awoken by knocking at my door at 3am. It was his friends and they had been crying. They said he had a siezure and an ambulance was on the way. I flew out of the house and drove over there to see my kid in a major seizure as the EMT's secured him. The rushed him to the hospital and I went up to his friend and his parents said they found a package of must have had smoked some of that synthetic marijuana. My step son had a very bad reaction to it and his body began shutting down. He pulled through thank god to some good doctors and completely recovered. We had grounded him for a long time after that as his friends parents did the same to their kids.
He turned 18 in January and we agreed to up his curfew to midnight as long as he behaved. I was up early one Saturday morning and hear my wife's phone beeping with a new text message. I picked it up to see who it was from and it was from my step son. As I read I was shocked to see he spent the night with a buddy and they had been drinking so they decided to stay there till morning. I am happy they had brains enough for that. When I confronted my wife about it, she again saw nothing wrong with it. She told me he let her know they were going to be drinking over there and she didn't see the big deal. We got into a huge fight about that and are still reeling from that. We began talking about it again tonight and I found out that this has happened at least (5) other times.
What am I missing here? Should I not be as pissed off as I am? Alcohol and drug addiction run strong in her family. Alcohol problems run in my family as well, so I do not push my luck. A (6) pack of beer with last 9 months in this house and have to be thrown out. I do not keep alcohol here as I do not want the temptation to anybody who comes over. I can't hardly be pissed at my Step son as him mother has pretty much welcomed this behavior, but I'm at wits end with my wife's stupidity. We have been trying for a child of our own for months now and now I'm thinking if I really want to bring a child into this world with her. I am at a loss right now as to what to do. Any suggestions? Am I over reacting???
p.s. Sorry about the long, rambling post...
Long story short, I did my best to help raise him as best I knew. I petitioned for legal guardianship of him in case anything ever happened and they couldn't reach my wife. It was difficult as my father died when I was 21 so I didn't really have anybody to get suggestions from. My wife has (3) brother's but nobody talks to each other. Very strange family to say the least. So I did the best I could. He was great having him grow up and look up to me and I grew as much as he did I think. From day one, my wife would keep certain things quiet between my step son and her. If he got a bad grade, she would keep it from me, a letter from school, etc.
This continued to happen over the years and the past couple of years has really spiraled. At first he wanted an ear ring which I was against until he was 18. I am very conservative that way and did not care for ear rings on a child. My wife and I went round and round about it for hours just to find out that she took him the night before and took him to get the ear ring put in. I was not so happy to say the least. Not only for her getting him the ear ring, but for letting us argue about it for a couple of hours knowing that it was already done.
Soon after that, my Step son's behavior began to decline. He would seldom talk to me unless he needed money or something done to his car, etc. His attitude changed. The rules we set forth when he got his car was that he was supposed to get a job to help pay for the gas, insurance and things related to the car. He drug his feet in getting the job and racked up over $1000 in car insurance and repairs that I had to pay for as he had no money. And once again, my wife stood between us and took his side.
My wife had an extensive collection of antique coins from around the world and one day, while in my gun safe, I noticed things had been rearranged. Not only are my firearms in a locked safe, but all the firing pins are removed and trigger locks are on all the guns. The guns had been shifted around, but more importantly, the coin containers were moved. Some how they had figured out a way to get into my vault and they took almost all her coins and ran down to the local pawn shop to sell them. Him and his friends then went on a shopping spree. We had cornered both his friends and him about it and they quickly fessed up. Problem was the pawn store would not release the coins back to us without a police report. I then found out my step son had a fake ID that he used to sell the coins. So if we filed a police report, they would have arrested him. This did cross my mind as possibly a viable form a punishment, but as usual, my wife jumped in.
A couple months after that, him and his friends decided to steal an Android phone from a local YMCA they had a membership at. What they didn't realize is that phone are easily tracked and the police quickly caught up with it. My step son lied and lied about being involved at all and he blamed his friends for all of and said he had nothing to do with it. I noticed before he bought some items from Craigslist, so I called him over and told him to log into his Craigslist account. He fiddled a bit and finally did and low and behold, there was an ad for an Android phone. So we called the police and explained the situation and went to the station where he was interviewed. The charges were subsequently dropped and they returned the phone to the owner. All the time my wife believed him and was convinced with was everybody's else doing it and not him. When she found out that it was him, she was more pissed at the guy for leaving the phone laying around then she was for her kid stealing it!!!
About 9 months went by and he was staying up the road at a friends house that he stayed at alot. I was awoken by knocking at my door at 3am. It was his friends and they had been crying. They said he had a siezure and an ambulance was on the way. I flew out of the house and drove over there to see my kid in a major seizure as the EMT's secured him. The rushed him to the hospital and I went up to his friend and his parents said they found a package of must have had smoked some of that synthetic marijuana. My step son had a very bad reaction to it and his body began shutting down. He pulled through thank god to some good doctors and completely recovered. We had grounded him for a long time after that as his friends parents did the same to their kids.
He turned 18 in January and we agreed to up his curfew to midnight as long as he behaved. I was up early one Saturday morning and hear my wife's phone beeping with a new text message. I picked it up to see who it was from and it was from my step son. As I read I was shocked to see he spent the night with a buddy and they had been drinking so they decided to stay there till morning. I am happy they had brains enough for that. When I confronted my wife about it, she again saw nothing wrong with it. She told me he let her know they were going to be drinking over there and she didn't see the big deal. We got into a huge fight about that and are still reeling from that. We began talking about it again tonight and I found out that this has happened at least (5) other times.
What am I missing here? Should I not be as pissed off as I am? Alcohol and drug addiction run strong in her family. Alcohol problems run in my family as well, so I do not push my luck. A (6) pack of beer with last 9 months in this house and have to be thrown out. I do not keep alcohol here as I do not want the temptation to anybody who comes over. I can't hardly be pissed at my Step son as him mother has pretty much welcomed this behavior, but I'm at wits end with my wife's stupidity. We have been trying for a child of our own for months now and now I'm thinking if I really want to bring a child into this world with her. I am at a loss right now as to what to do. Any suggestions? Am I over reacting???
p.s. Sorry about the long, rambling post...