5yr old's lying causing problems...

GreenMan76

Junior Member
Oct 20, 2009
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My daughter's mom and I split up before she turned 1. Her mom used to say one of the problems with kids learning to talk is that they tell everyone your business. With in the last year B, who is now 5, has been telling her mom that I have been saying stuff about her. I have tried to step back and see what I could possibly be saying and who to that she is overhearing. I have become very concious of what I say around her. Just today I recieved a long email from her mom saying that I called her fat to B. She is very upset about this, as well she should be had it actually happened. I rarely talk about her to my daughter and have never disgussed her weight/size. She wouldn't tell me what exactly she said or in what context, just not to talk to B about it because she
"would be devastated if she knew I was talking to you about this. She has told me numerous times she doesn't want you to "get in trouble" for saying bad things about mommy."
I have no idea how to handle this. My ex doesn't believe a word I say and I have no clue where my daughter gets these ideas. Any advice on handeling this?
 

Dadu2004

PF Visionary
May 16, 2008
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The problem with 5 year olds is that it's not just a case of them repeating words you say, they can now think, which means they can manipulate. It seems that your child is manipulating the situation between you and your ex. The reason may be resentment that her parents aren't together or jealousy or whatever, but she's acting out.

I would sit down and have a conversation with your daughter about the damage she's doing by lying to her mother. Also, explain to your ex that you have never and would never speak badly about her to her child and that you're going to do what you can to straighten out the situation.

In the meantime, make sure you watch EVERYTHING you say in front of your daughter.
 

GreenMan76

Junior Member
Oct 20, 2009
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Thanks for the advice. I have no idea where she is getting it. My ex doesn't believe anything I say. If I discuss it with B and she tells her mom, she will even more mad and think I'm trying to manipulate my daughter.
 

GreenMan76

Junior Member
Oct 20, 2009
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I suggested that too. She's pretty set on not involving B. Makes me wonder what's really going on.
 

IADad

Super Moderator
Feb 23, 2009
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GreenMan76 said:
I suggested that too. She's pretty set on not involving B. Makes me wonder what's really going on.
Well, from her perspective (not saying it's right) makes a certain amount of twisted sense.

She doesn't trust you, doesn't believe you, so her instinct is to protect B and not let you try to manipulate her to smoothe things over.

Again, I'm not saying YOU are doing this, just a possible approach the ex is taking.

oh, and one other thing, I keep wondering, and I'm not surein my own mind if it does or should make any difference, but it keeps coming back to mind...Is she, well, fluffy? I guess, I'm wondering if she might be self-consious or on the defensive already so some statement get's twisted and then blown out of proportion....don't answer if you don't think it's pertinent, I'm really not trying to start some sizism war....
 

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