6 year old having social problems at school...

[gennifurlynn]

My step-son is in kindergarten and has been having issues all year with kids at school. At first one was bullying him but we worked with the teachers and the other little boys parents an they are now at least friendly to each other. This was at the beginning of the year.

About half way through year he started making up stories of a little boy hitting him and picking on him even told the teacher trying to get sent home. He was using this as an excuse to not go to school and wanted to stay home and play with his cousins (who live in the same house). Of course we made him go and talked to the teacher, there wasn't any kid hitting him or picking on him.

Now we have been informed there is another little boy that he is pretty much petrified of. According to the teachers the little boy hasn't done anythign to my step-son, he's just rather hyper active. The school pyschologist has been observing my step-son for a few weeks now. It is clearly affecting his whole school day, he hides his face from the kid and has started requesting only peanut butter sandwiches so he can sit at the peanut butter table at lunch. He's figured out that this little boy doesnt bring peanut butter sandwiches, this is how far his planning goes to stay away from the little boy.

My step-sons mother and I have both talked to him asked him why he doesnt like him, we let him know he can tell us anything and that he should tell us if he's hurting him or being mean but he can't even tell us 1 thing the kid has done to him. Even if you ask how his day was he'll say it was good but then his teacher will say he had a bad day.

Is this a normal thing to have happen? Anyone have any suggestions on how we can help him at home? I know at school they are going to start doing activites with the two boys, so I think that will help but I'm concerned with what will happen when he goes to first grade and there is a whole new set of kids.

 

[IADad]

Why will there be a whole new set of kids in first grade? Won't his current classmates be going to the same first grade?

I think you need to see what the school psychologist has to say. This doesn't seem normal for him to be scheming so much. He seems extremely intelligent to have calculated the whole peanut butter thing.

How recently have the family changes occurred, is this possibly part of a ploy for attention from you, his mom and dad and teachers? Just guessing. I think the psychologist should have some insight for you soon.

 

[gennifurlynn]

Well the school system he is in is rather large so he will most likely have a few of the same kids in his class but definatly not all. His mother wanted to change schools at the first sign of trouble but we told her no that would be setting the wrong example and he would just have a new set of kids with a new set of problems.

He is very smart for a 6 year old. One of the benefits of being around adults his whole life, but now it seems this may be a downfall as it seems he doesn't have the social tools to deal with these type of situations other than hiding.

His father and I have been together since he was a little over 1 and his mother and step-father have been together sicne he was 4 months old so this is really the only situation he knows. The only thing that has changed is he has to go to school now which he hasn't liked since day 1 (even preschool).

 

[fallon]

is he in any type of sport or activity were he is learning how to make friends and be part of a social situation (other than school)?

 

[gennifurlynn]

He just started t-ball, they havent had any practices yet. I'm pushing for him to go to a day camp type program for a few weeks over the summer, otherwise he will be at his grandparents and back to doing what he wants when he wants with no other kids around. I think the fact he's been playing with adults most the time for the last 5 years has a lot to do with it. He no longer has control.

 

[fallon]

I think team activities and day camp would do wonders for him. He needs to build his confidence with other children. Adults accept him no matter what but it takes work to be welcomed by your peers, these are things he'll understand better if he spends more time with kids his age...but it seems to me you already know that, LOL

 

[gennifurlynn]

I've known for a while now that he needs more interaction with kids his age (besides family). It's just tough I can't get his mother to understand that. I guess I was just hoping for another way to help him.

 

[fallon]

really I can't think of a better way to help. Hopefully his mother will see it before he suffers any major social concequences. These elementary yrs are so important for forming bonds with their peers

 

[gennifurlynn]

I'm thinking the school pyschologist is going to say he needs more social interaction and I'm sure his mother will then realize thats what we ned to do. I think part of it is she doesn't want me telling her what he needs or she believes she knows whats best for him better then I would. I don't care how she finds out this is what he needs just as long as he gets what he needs.

 

[fallon]

you're probably dead on there. Mothers never want to share their kids with another woman so it's natural I guess. I have to wonder why she wouldn't see it for herself though. I mean just about everything you can read out there on parenting will tell you kids need interaction with their peers

 

[IADad]

Adults accept him no matter what but it takes work to be welcomed by your peers

Wow, that's a powerful succint message. I think you hit it square on the head there. I'm making that my quote of the week.

 

[gennifurlynn]

I think she thinks him playing with his cousins is enough interaction. She doesn't see what he's like outside of the family situation.

My step-son constantly says he wishes he had someone to play with at our house or that he wants a brother there too (he has an older half brother at his moms not to mention the cousins that live there too). Last weekend a friend of ours stopped by with his son. He was 4 and my step-son just turned 6. I saw this as a good oppertunity to see how he did with another kid and maybe he would make a new friend. I knew they weren't the same age but we don't know many people who have kids around his age. They didn't exactly make friends. My step son made fun of his speech and didn't want to play anything with him. I reminded him that he asks for someone to play with and this was a good oppertunity to do so and well he didnt care he wanted to do what he wanted to do.

He does similar things with my girlfriend's son who has aspergers. This little boy looks up to him and loves being around him even if my step son is mean. I just stopped bringing him over cause it broke my heart to watch my step son be mean to him. I didnt want to make him be friends with him if he didn't want to.

His mother knows about all this. Weather she believes me or not I don't know. I am portraying her little boy as something other than an angel. I guess I can understand.

 

[fallon]

Wow, that's a powerful succint message. I think you hit it square on the head there. I'm making that my quote of the week.

:takeabow: LOL

to the OP, I think it's wonderful that you care so much and are doing your best for child. More step-parents should be as active in their step children's lives. It's nice to see you care so much for his well being even though you aren't your actions aren't exactly being rewarded

 

[Aunt]

If the other kid is not bullying him and not being mean in addition to the other suggestions why not encourage him to invite the other boy over after school He might see in a 1 on 1 situation a whole different kid. Or you could expalin he doesn't have to like everyone but he does have to be nice (unless they are being mean to him) & avoiding this kid is not being nice.

 

[gennifurlynn]

If the other kid is not bullying him and not being mean in addition to the other suggestions why not encourage him to invite the other boy over after school He might see in a 1 on 1 situation a whole different kid. Or you could expalin he doesn't have to like everyone but he does have to be nice (unless they are being mean to him) & avoiding this kid is not being nice.

The school was going to start doing activities with the two boys, and hopefully my step-son will see there is nothing to be afraid of. His mother had him checked out by his peditrician just to see if he had ADD or ADHD. My step-son's mother has another son who is 10 and has bipolar. The doctor said he didn't have ADD or ADHD but he does have an anxiety disorder. Which makes sense, his father has a bit of OCD and his mother is bipolar as well.

I talked to his mother about summer camp. He is going to be going to a local boy & girls club for 3 days a week so hopefully next year he won't have such a hard time.

 

[landvex]

Be very careful about taking any advice from a scholl psychologist. We had heaps of different opinions regarding social challenges our son had with other children. These opinions were way off the mark. After heaps of research and much disillusionment with the school's management of this situation, I finally came to realise my son has a significant level of giftedness. We are having him assessed by a psychologist expecially trained in this field. You may need to so the same. Your child could be a whole lot smarter then you give him credit for. Check out SENG: Supporting Emotional Needs of the Gifted

 

[Xero]

landvex, the last post in this thread is three months old. Where we do appreciate your input and we are glad to have you, we try not to bump old threads around here as it pushes the newer ones to the bottom and this discussion has been over for a while. We ask that you try not to post in threads that are over 30 days from the last post. However, you are more than welcome to create a new thread of your own on the same topic or something related.

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