Hello -
I am writing to get some advice regarding my 13-year old daughter.
I have two daughters: 13 and 11. Their mother and I separated/divorced 5.5 years ago. It has been a bad divorce - we are still in court. I don't to get into the specifics, but this has been extremely hard on everybody - particularly my eldest.
I started seeing this lady about 6 months after we separated. She has a 14 year old daughter (and a son who is 21). We take family vacations together, visit my family, her family and go other places out of the area. However, we live apart - she has her own house as do I. We also do things locally - but that has been dwindling recently.
My eldest is extremely distant with my partner and her daughter. I have asked my youngest if her sister likes them, and she replies she does. But, she does not talk with them, when she does it is very fake and over-the-top. It just does not feel or look natural when I observe it. We enjoy biking, hiking and skiing. I would estimate that 90% of the time, my eldest takes off on us. She leaves us biking as a group, and takes off ahead. When we are walking, she does the same thing, and prefers to walk by herself. Even downhill skiing, the two older girls have skied alone together, only to have my eldest take off on her. This has gone on for several years, even after I have had many, many discussions with her - with mostly a one-way dialogue unfortunately. Just recently we were mountain biking, and I offered the 2 older girls to go ahead if they wished - my partner's daughter said 'no thanks' - and my eldest looked at me with incredulousness.
My younger daughter and my partner's daughter get along wonderfully, even with the age gap.
My partner and her daughter have tried so hard for years to reach out to her - she always rebuffs them. She rarely ever initiates conversation with them. It is getting to the point of sheer frustration for everyone.
To make matters a bit more confusing, when she is in a crowd of people, she loves to entertain, joke and laugh with everyone. That is completely the opposite behaviour she exhibits when with us, where she prefers to be alone and not talking or dealing with anyone. (I can provide many more examples and scenarios, but I am trying to provide an overview for this forum).
Would anyone have any advice as to what they believe would be going on with my 13 year old? I have some ideas, but I would like to hear what other people think before I share mine. And what I should do to deal with this?
Thank you for your time.
Frustrated Father
I am writing to get some advice regarding my 13-year old daughter.
I have two daughters: 13 and 11. Their mother and I separated/divorced 5.5 years ago. It has been a bad divorce - we are still in court. I don't to get into the specifics, but this has been extremely hard on everybody - particularly my eldest.
I started seeing this lady about 6 months after we separated. She has a 14 year old daughter (and a son who is 21). We take family vacations together, visit my family, her family and go other places out of the area. However, we live apart - she has her own house as do I. We also do things locally - but that has been dwindling recently.
My eldest is extremely distant with my partner and her daughter. I have asked my youngest if her sister likes them, and she replies she does. But, she does not talk with them, when she does it is very fake and over-the-top. It just does not feel or look natural when I observe it. We enjoy biking, hiking and skiing. I would estimate that 90% of the time, my eldest takes off on us. She leaves us biking as a group, and takes off ahead. When we are walking, she does the same thing, and prefers to walk by herself. Even downhill skiing, the two older girls have skied alone together, only to have my eldest take off on her. This has gone on for several years, even after I have had many, many discussions with her - with mostly a one-way dialogue unfortunately. Just recently we were mountain biking, and I offered the 2 older girls to go ahead if they wished - my partner's daughter said 'no thanks' - and my eldest looked at me with incredulousness.
My younger daughter and my partner's daughter get along wonderfully, even with the age gap.
My partner and her daughter have tried so hard for years to reach out to her - she always rebuffs them. She rarely ever initiates conversation with them. It is getting to the point of sheer frustration for everyone.
To make matters a bit more confusing, when she is in a crowd of people, she loves to entertain, joke and laugh with everyone. That is completely the opposite behaviour she exhibits when with us, where she prefers to be alone and not talking or dealing with anyone. (I can provide many more examples and scenarios, but I am trying to provide an overview for this forum).
Would anyone have any advice as to what they believe would be going on with my 13 year old? I have some ideas, but I would like to hear what other people think before I share mine. And what I should do to deal with this?
Thank you for your time.
Frustrated Father
