Any tips on how to teach a kid to swim?...

[FooserX]

My ex-stepson is 8, and has tried 2 swimming classes and he just doesn't have the motivation to learn to swim. He's scared I guess? I'm not there, because I'm just the ex-stepdad...so I don't really know what is going on.

I think I'm going to have to just start taking him on my own time when we hang out - anyone have any tips on this? Where to start? If I google swim lessons, I get videos and stuff, but I just want to know the basics, and where to start.

And advice?

Thanks
Scott

 

[mom2many]

Foos, nice to see you back!

Swimming, mine were all fish except one. The best thing I found was to not push it. Make it fun and safe and slowly to introduce new things.

 

[FooserX]

Foos, nice to see you back!

Swimming, mine were all fish except one. The best thing I found was to not push it. Make it fun and safe and slowly to introduce new things.

For a SUPER Moderator...that advice isn't all that super.

Anyone have any HELPFUL advice?

 

[parentastic]

For a SUPER Moderator...that advice isn't all that super.
Anyone have any HELPFUL advice?

Actually, mom2many has just given you a REALLY GOOD advice.
It is really important to teach children to swim in a fun and non-forcing way. If you try to break through their fear and force them, you will push them away from really swimming, perhaps for the rest of their lives.

 

[FooserX]

So I'm just supposed to let him play the role of a chicken until he feels like he wants to learn?

Okay, point taken...does anyone have an alternate opinion on this? Like...if it was up to my son, he'd just play video games all day, every day instead of learning to ride a bike, or swim, or play sports.

At some point, you have to force (in a nice way) you kid to do things active outside of his comfort zone, no?

 

[parentastic]

So I'm just supposed to let him play the role of a chicken until he feels like he wants to learn?

Okay, point taken...does anyone have an alternate opinion on this? Like...if it was up to my son, he'd just play video games all day, every day instead of learning to ride a bike, or swim, or play sports.

At some point, you have to force (in a nice way) you kid to do things active outside of his comfort zone, no?

Alright, I think I understand your broader question now.
I am wondering how close is your relationship with your son?
Do you feel he wants to do things with you? Do the same things you do? Take example on you, take you as a model?

Do you have some privileged, close moments in which you do things just him and you alone?

How old is he?

 

[FooserX]

Well we just hang out for 5 hours every other week on a Sunday. So...we're not super close, but it would be a shock to him if I were to disappear. He's 8.

He'll do things if I do them with him, but he still wines and would rather play his Wii or DS instead.

If I were still his dad, I have no doubt that he would be swimming and riding a bike already...his mom and her new husband just don't put him high as a priority. They already have a new baby that gets all the attention, and the new dad has 5 other kids from a previous marriage.

 

[mom2many]

Wait, I think you are asking something different then what your original post imply's.

So it's not necessarily teaching him to swim, but how to motivate him to get out of the house? Maybe do things like swimming or mountain climbing?

If that is the case then yes, it is perfectly reasonable to say "Put the games down and let's go". Whether or not he chooses to join you the activity is completely up to him, but you do it and have fun in spite of him sitting on the sidelines.

And no you do not force a child outside of their comfort zone, no more then you let some one force you to do something you don't want to do. However, that doesn't mean you can't tag along and maybe change your mind at a future date. It doesn't have to be all or nothing with kids, sometimes it's more about compromise then anything else.

 

[mom2many]

For a SUPER Moderator...that advice isn't all that super.

Anyone have any HELPFUL advice?

Based off of the first question that <I>was</I> the best answer.

Actually, mom2many has just given you a REALLY GOOD advice.
It is really important to teach children to swim in a fun and non-forcing way. If you try to break through their fear and force them, you will push them away from really swimming, perhaps for the rest of their lives.

Thanks PT..

 

[FooserX]

I'm specifically talking about swimming here! lol

If his mom or I never put him in swim lessons or made him go swimming...he wouldn't ever learn - that's my point.

I've taken him to the pool, and it's just excuse after excuse:

"I don't like the water to get in my ears"
"The water hurts my eyes"
"It gets my hair wet" (that was my favorite)

He's just a baby

X

 

[FooserX]

Based off of the first question that <I>was</I> the best answer.

Only because it was the only answer. lol

I'm talking about actual techniques to get a kid to learn to swim...just like you would teach a kid to hit a baseball.

He'll get in the water, he just won't try to learn to swim.

Make it fun...go slow...those aren't answers! I don't remember learning to swim as a kid because it was fun. I remember getting lessons.

 

[FooserX]

Where is KT and Fallon when I need them.

 

[mom2many]

Where is KT and Fallon when I need them.

Gone, they haven't been around in a while. Fallon stopped in a little while ago with a brief update but that was it.

The thing with swimming is that you can not force the issue. Your guy sounds just like my Megan. Oh lordy that girl hated (still does to a degree) swimming. I tried it all with her. I tried forcing her and that led to resentment. Making it "fun" and she resented it. I just had to leave her alone and let her figure it out on her own.....she still doesn't like when her hair gets wet.

The obvious place to start is with floating. Once my kids could float, swimming almost came naturally after that. One other thing, my kids never had swimming lesson or were they taught to swim. It was something they learned naturally and on their own. Even Megan swim...well she won't drown, but I consider that success.

 

[FooserX]

So now we got these cheap wanna be mods now? Great!

I agree with the floating first logic. Any suggestions as to the best way for that? Arm floaties? Holding them on their back? Stomach?

I tried holding him while he floats on his back, and I think that's just a bit much. Maybe arm floaties would be better.

X

 

[parentastic]

OP, I really think that the core of the problem is precisely here:

He's just a baby

If your son feels that this is how he is perceived, why would he even TRY to do something scary or difficult?
If you think about it, swimming really IS scary.
You can die in water.
If you breath water, even just a little, you start coughing and suffocate.
Nasty stuff.
Any child who has had a bad experience, even once, with breathing while underwater, will be scared of trying again.

So if you want him to <I>try</I>, you need to help him feel confident about himself. And that is going to be reflected from your own attitude with him.
So here is what you could try:

Go back to the pool with him, and wait until he complains.
Then, REALLY LISTEN to him.
Use your own words to reflect back the original emotion and show that you truly <I>understand:</I>

"I don't like the water to get in my ears"

"Yeah... I know what you mean. You can feel the pressure of the water, and this weird sound in your ears, and then it gets clogged in there for a while, isn't it? Is this how you feel?"

and you ask him to describe more, until it all gets out and he really feels understood. Then you can offer a different perspective:

"I feel it too. It does feel weird in my ears too, when I am underwater... But I like it. Sometimes, it's like being in another world... all is so different, calm.. did you notice how the sound are distorted and different? Look, I'll make a noise and you can hear it underwater and tell me how it sounded!"

"The water hurts my eyes"

You can respond:

"Yeah, I really don't like it when it happens to me either. It's the chlorine in the water. Does it burn?"

then

"How about we get you a nice, cool pair of water-glasses? They help you see super well underwater. Have you tried it before? It's like being in a submarine. You can spy on what is going on under the surface!"

and finally, when you hear :

"It gets my hair wet"

Don't mock him!
Instead, you can name the underlying emotion:

"Aww... you REALLY don't like to put your head underwater... "

And let him develop more.
You need to get the fear out, OP.
THEN, once he will feel fully understood, will he be open to learn more from you.

Hoping this helps!
Nicolas, Family Life Educator

 

[FooserX]

Very good thoughts, Nicolas.

What stands out most to me is the comment of "If your son feels that this is how he is perceived, why would he even TRY to do something scary or difficult?"

His mom is AWFUL. In soccer, she'd yell at him, insult him and stuff in front of me...constantly calling him lazy and difficult.

Ugh. I recognized this issue a while ago, but I didn't connect the dots again until just now.

Grrrr.

Thanks.

 

[mom2many]

So now we got these cheap wanna be mods now? Great!

I agree with the floating first logic. Any suggestions as to the best way for that? Arm floaties? Holding them on their back? Stomach?

I tried holding him while he floats on his back, and I think that's just a bit much. Maybe arm floaties would be better.

X

I take extreme offense to the first part of your question, so much for being happy to see an old face around. One that used to think I had some decent advice.

After this I am out of this convo, but floaties are a good place to start they help the child learn to relax. Since floating is all about relaxing it seems like a logical place to start.

 

[FooserX]

I was just joking 2many - calm down. If you knew me at all back then, you'd know I like to have fun.

Thanks for your help

 

[mom2many]

The first were jokingly, the last wasn't. Then again I am tired so who the heck knows.

 

[parentastic]

Very good thoughts, Nicolas.

What stands out most to me is the comment of "If your son feels that this is how he is perceived, why would he even TRY to do something scary or difficult?"

His mom is AWFUL. In soccer, she'd yell at him, insult him and stuff in front of me...constantly calling him lazy and difficult.

Ugh. I recognized this issue a while ago, but I didn't connect the dots again until just now.

Grrrr.

Thanks.

I am sorry for your son that he has to live through humiliations and name calling... in my book, this stands for child abuse. But in your situation, it's probably very difficult to change this.
However, you are not powerless: you can actively work with your son to compensate this tendency:

Learn active listening. This techniques will help you listen in a deeper way to your child and in turn, this will tremendously help your child get things off his chest and tell you more of what is going on. You can get training about how to do active listening in many different parenting classes and workshops, (not everyone of them, sadly), or you can try to google it and find examples. An excellent book on this topic is Dr. Thomas Gordon's "Parent Effectiveness Training". Highly recommended.

Use descriptive praise rather than judgmental praises. In some situations, praises can be as destructive as name calling and insults, when they do not match a child's self-evaluation and self-esteem level. To compensate for a child's lack of self-esteem due to her mom's verbal habits, you can use <I>description</I>. The idea is that when you see a behavior you are proud of, when you see an achievement (even a very small one), simply <I>name it</I>. Say: "Oh, I noticed today, you didn't even hesitate before entering into the pool. That shows courage."
It's a powerful technique, because the child cannot think that you are biased or saying this only because you love him: he will see that you are describing a fact. And he needs to see his own actions in a new light.

Trust your son, and tell him so! The only way he can learn to become more self-confident is by <I>doing stuff. </I>if he never gets the chance to try things, he cannot see how he can succeed. So you need to get him to try stuff as often as possible. To help, you tell him:
"I believe in you. I just know you can do this. "
But be careful, this is a delicate balance. If he refuses to try, don't force it and don't make it into guilt! So the WHOLE message should sound like this:
"I believe in you. I just know you can do this. It's okay not to do it, I just know that whenever you are ready, it will work, because I know you. And whenever you are ready, I am here, and we can do it <I>together</I>. "

Show him it's okay to fail. Finally, you can really help him by showing that you, a role model, can also fail, and that IT IS OKAY. When you fail, you learn: and it's the only real way to learn. So failure is not optional: it's mandatory!!! This removes the pressure to succeed and replaces it with the desire to learn.

I hope all of this can help!
Nicolas, Family Life Educator