Are you paying for your kids College?...

[Chaos]

I'm originally from Europe and simply cannot understand American's obsession with sponsoring their kids college.

One of the main reasons for this is experience, when I was younger I've seen SO many kids get a free ride, didn't appreciate what their parents were doing....and blow off college. Even then parents would still pay for their stuff.

I just don't get it, they are fueling their kids behavior.

No one has EVER offered to pay for my college....heck my parents charged me rent at 15 (I worked since 14). And although I hated it at first, now I appreciate what they have done.

I'm a big believer in "you cannot appreciate ANYTHING you don't work for". I'm sorry but it just gets me SICK to my stomach when I see parents sponsor every single bit of their kids life's.

Personally I don't blame the kids one bit, ANY kid will take whatever is given to them. Problem is, it's just a matter of time before you have to grow up.....and that's where i see many run into a big wall.

I love my kids to death (I have 4) and I want what's best for them. I understand the importance of good education, but I also understand a responsibility as a parent.

Right now, I simply cannot save for my kids college. But that's besides the point. Let's assume I had millions in the bank, guess what I would not pay for their school. It will be up them to do good in school and hopefully get a scholarship. If NOT, they will need to take out a loan and eventually pay it off. This is the only way to teach them responsibility IMO. How else will they learn how hard it is to work and get money if the biggest expenses in their life are being sponsored on regular basis.

Some of these kids I see out there just make me sick....and I blame their parents. Brand new 30-40k cars.....don't pay rent.....won't even clean their room (forget about cleaning the house). Only thing these parents teach them is how to use them....I don't get it.

Regardless of my financial status when my kids are 16 it will be their responsibility to get a job, pay their bills, manage their money, pay for their car, BUT their car, pay for their insurance etc. At 18 I will expect them to contribute to household, if it's not in form of rent then is some other form.

But there is no way in HELL there will be a free ride, simply will not allow that to happen.

Same goes for college, they are adults by our society standards.....my goal is to prepare them for life and be ready. Not spoil them so they can fall on their face flat once my bank account is empty.

Perhaps I'm a little too tough...

Why do you feel obligated to pay for your kids college?

 

[Jordy]

yeah I'm from Australia and here it isn't really part of our culture to pay for our kids Ubniversity fee's. they take out student loans and pay for themselves. <U>but</U> my husband is a lawyer so we do have a little money so we probably will pay for uni if they choose that path just so as not to leave them in debt.

i think they shouldn't have too many responsibilities at 16 because they are still at school. maybe paying for there own things like movie tickets etc but not needing a serious job just like saturdays or something.

at 18 they are an adult and have left school so if not going straight to uni they need a full time job because they need to pay for fuel for car etc. Andrew and i agreed however much they save for a car we will match it so they can get a slightly better car.. so the more they save the more they get..

 

[Father_0f_7]

$200,000...that's how much my son's college is for 4 years. Now he has a full baseball scholarship, as long as he keeps his grades up we won't pay a dime.

Even if he didn't have a scholarship, there is no way in hell I would let him go into that much debt. Yes, he could get a loan (maybe), yes, he could get a job (and he has one even though he won't be paying for his college). BUT that kind of debt will make ANYONE worry, not to mention a 17-18 year old.

Stress is an interesting thing, it's not going to help him get good grades.

So, yes I will pay for my children's college. I paid for my oldest daughter (although she has started paying me back, no we didn't ask her to...she just does it) to go through college. I will pay my younger children's college.

That being said, they WILL appreciate it, and the WILL get good grades or it's gone...they will pay for everything if their grades drop.

No one has EVER offered to pay for my college....heck my parents charged me rent at 15 (I worked since 14). And although I hated it at first, now I appreciate what they have done.

I don't know that I would charge my kids rent. At least not at 15. Mainly because they can't move out until they are 18 and around here you can't get a job until you are 16. My 3 oldest have had jobs since they were 16. Now if they were 18, living at home, and NOT going to school...ya, I would probably make them pay rent.

I'm a big believer in "you cannot appreciate ANYTHING you don't work for". I'm sorry but it just gets me SICK to my stomach when I see parents sponsor every single bit of their kids life's.

Not necessarily true. For MOST children, ya probably they are just taking their parents for granted. Even when my kids have jobs we usually pay for almost everything. Obviously we pay for things they need (shelter, food, clothes) but if they want anything "extra" they either wait until their birthday or pay for it themselves. Every once in a while we will buy them something just to be nice but that rarely happens. I'll sometimes buy Cassie shoes or whatever but if the shoes she wants are $120 (seriously, she actually want's shoes that are that much) she can either wait for her birtday or pay for them herself.

Also, just to add...the economy is TERRIBLE right now and they DO have to pay off loans right out of college. Guess what? They probably won't be able to get a job right out of college, therefor they will probably making minimum wage (or close to it), trying to pay off a VERY expensive loan, pay for an apartment, car insurance, health insurance, food, utilities, and anything else they may need.


So yes. I will pay for my childs college fund.

 

[Xero]

Wow that's pretty harsh!

I am the type of parent that pitties the kids who are raised the way you think is necessary. There's plenty of time to be an adult and suffer like an adult when you ARE ONE. I personally will allow my kids to be kids while they still have the chance. If you made the decision to have kids in the first place, you made the decision to support them until they can support themselves and to help them be happy and comfortable. If I wanted someone that was going to pay me rent to be in my house I would have taken in a tenant. If I wanted someone to clean my house, I would hire a maid. If I wanted somebody to buy their own car and pay for their own gas I'd let my sister move in with me. But I didn't do any of those things. I had a child.

It is your responsibility to meet every one of your child's needs until they are 18. I don't see a reason to ever make life hard on my kids. I plan on buying my son's first car (don't know if it will be brand spanking new or anything but you know). Its WAY too hard (at least where I live) to get a job without your own car unless your parents have all the time in the world to devote to you getting to and from work everyday, so its SO unrealistic for any parent to expect their kid to buy their own car and pay for their own gas before they have money from a job. There is no public transportation in my town but even if there was I wouldn't make him take it because its creepy and trashy. But what I'm getting at is that I would allow and encourage him to get a part time job after he turns 16 (that's legal working age around here for the most part, you can work younger but there are weird stipulations that go along with it unless its under the table) but I will not allow him to work more than 10-15 hours a week and maybe only on weekends because school and socializing is the most important thing at that age. I'm not about to take all that away from him by forcing him to work hard enough to pay me rent and still have money for himself. That's kind of sick and twisted if you ask me. Get a job, so you can give your money to me even though I have my own money!! Yeah, very nice. However once he did get a job depending on how much he makes I would have him try to pay for his own gas and MAYBE car insurance and MAYBE cell bill but I really wouldn't care if I paid for those. Gas is his problem because if he wants to be all over the place he should take care of it. But if he was in a tough spot I would still probably give him a little money if he needed it. As for extras, just the random stuff he doesn't need but just wants I'd probably have him buy those himself once he has a job unless it was his birthday or christmas or something, like Fo6 said.

I think kids need to focus on doing good in school and making good friends and doing fun stuff. That's what being a kid is supposed to be for.

When my son turns 18 IF POSSIBLE his father and I will pay for his college. If we can't exactly just pay for it, then we'll do everything we can to help. What a horrible thing to wish on your own child, thousands and thousands of dollars in debt before they can even get started in life. Especially in this economy. I want to help my child start his life right.

Mind you, if my son decides not to go to school then he will need to get a job and pay us some rent and pay his own bills or get his own place. This is once he is 18, and legally an adult. Even still, if he is struggling, I will always help him because I am his mother and I love him.

Honestly I was raised much like you were. My mom didn't care about how well I did in school or if I had any chance to socialize. I'm not even sure if she really cared about my success or responsibility. I think she just wanted to get as much out of us to benefit herself as possible. I love my mom, and she did good by us, but she has always been sort of selfish and cheap. She rarely bought us anything but the bare essentials, so we were all wanting a job like crazy by the time we were old enough. She absolutely would not pay for a car (HA!) let alone car insurance or gas or a cell phone or anything. She would not even take me to get my learners permit because she didn't want to pay the FEE and because she insisted that if I had it she'd have to pay extra on her car insurance that she didn't want to. I didn't get my license till I was 19 thanks to her. I also didn't go to college because I knew I could never afford it. She would laugh at the idea of paying for someone to go to college. All of us cleaned her house, she NEVER lifted a finger other than to point at something she wanted us to pick up. I had no life. I didn't get to do any of that teenager stuff everyone else I knew was doing. I worked from the time I was 15. It was under the table. When I was 18 I got a regular job and I moved out. She could have done so much more for me. I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but I was miserable and stressed out as a teenager and I don't want my kids to go through that crap until they have to, when its time, when they are adults and even then I will do everything in my power to help them. Because I care about them and want them to be happy. I think its totally possible to teach your kids good morals and values, and a good amount of responsibility without making them suffer and taking away their childhood. If you can't find a way to teach your kids the right things without forcing them to grow up too soon, then maybe you're doing something wrong. Maybe those parents should work on their parenting skills and spend more time with their kids.

I think parents in America care so much about paying for their childrens' educations because they KNOW how HARD it is to succeed in this day and age, and MOST people don't want to see their kids fail.

 

[Father_0f_7]

I almost completely agree with Xero. I will admit that we have been completely blessed to be able to spoil our kids rotten. But they don't take it for granted. My kids are great, they have a mind of their own, they don't take life for granted, they have a life, they get to be kids...ya they screw up sometimes. Sometimes they screw up BIG TIME but they alway realize what they did was wrong and they try and fix it.

The life that Xero had (not saying it was HORRIBLE) doesn't seem like she was all that happy. As she said above, she didn't get to be a kid. That seems like it could bring on some depression...I know it would for me. Why would I want my kids to go through that?

 

[singledad]

I think it very much depends on the kid.

Thinking about my brother and me... my grandmother didn't have a lot of money, but she helped my brother get a college diploma, and would have helped him get a degree if she could. He has always appreciated it. He worked his butt off in college because he knew she could afford to have him repeat subject, and he is now a successful business man.

Me, I didn't get a dime out of her, because she set some rules I had to stick to if I wanted money, and I didn't stick to them. I ended up working two jobs and studying part-time. I worked as a casher Mon-Sat, 9-5, and as a waiter from 6pm to 1am, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday evenings. Monday, Tuesday and Thursday evenings, and Sundays, I studied. The casher job just paid the rent, and the waitering job paid for my studies and food etc. I didn't have a car for the first few months, so I rode a bicycle to work. It was really hard, and I was super stressed, but I needed it to be like that, because unfortunately I needed to learn how to be a responsible adult the hard way. I don't blame my grandmother for not helping me out financially, but I would have blamed her had she not helped my brother. He deserved it, and he appreciated it. Making him live the life I had to live for a few years would have been completely unfair.

I fully intend to pay for my daughter's studies if I can and if she wants to study. However, like Xero said - I would not let her spunge off me. If she doesn't want to go to Uni after school, she will have to get a job and start supporting herself. That is, unless she takes too much after me and starts showing my irresponsible side, in which case she'll have to learn the hard way, like I did. I really, really hope this doesn't happen.

 

[Jeremy+3]

You don't pay for college here, it's free like school.

 

[ElliottCarasDad]

You don't pay for college here, it's free like school.

serious question....if college is free then why is there so many people on government assistance? why doesn't everyone have a degree and a job?

 

[Chaos]

Wow that's pretty harsh!

I am the type of parent that pitties the kids who are raised the way you think is necessary. There's plenty of time to be an adult and suffer like an adult when you ARE ONE. I personally will allow my kids to be kids while they still have the chance.

At 18 our country will try to take them to war......I think it's a good age to get a good intro into adulthood. Many don't get that intro EVER.

If I wanted someone that was going to pay me rent to be in my house I would have taken in a tenant. If I wanted someone to clean my house, I would hire a maid. If I wanted somebody to buy their own car and pay for their own gas I'd let my sister move in with me. But I didn't do any of those things. I had a child.

You are completely missing the point.

It really comes down to teaching your children responsibility and preparing them for adult hood. What better way to do it then to have them find a job and see what it takes to make money.

SO, It's not about YOU wanting rent.....cleaned house....or a maid. It's about making sure your kids KNOW what their responsibilities are, financial and chores.

It is your responsibility to meet every one of your child's needs until they are 18.

Exactly, and it's their responsibility to take it from there.....

I think kids need to focus on doing good in school and making good friends and doing fun stuff. That's what being a kid is supposed to be for.

At 18 I think they already did plenty of that....time to grow up.

When my son turns 18 IF POSSIBLE his father and I will pay for his college. If we can't exactly just pay for it, then we'll do everything we can to help. What a horrible thing to wish on your own child, thousands and thousands of dollars in debt before they can even get started in life. Especially in this economy. I want to help my child start his life right.

At 18 they are NOT a child. When I went to business school my mom helped me co sign on a student loan. Guess who paid it. There were times that she offered to pay and I simply told her NO, I will take care of it.

Hey, not my fault college is so expensive in this country. Only way for a kid to learn how expensive it is AND what it takes to pay for it is to pay it off themselves.

Again like I said before, even if I had millions in the bank.....kids would not get a free ride from me. It has more to do with teaching my kids proper lesson and preparing them for adult hood THAN "making their life easier" by throwing money at them.

I'm sorry, but money is NEVER the solution. Only makes things worse.

Mind you, if my son decides not to go to school then he will need to get a job and pay us some rent and pay his own bills or get his own place. This is once he is 18, and legally an adult. Even still, if he is struggling, I will always help him because I am his mother and I love him. .

Hehe yeah, I see that on daily basis. 2 of my brother in laws are "stuggling" and crippling their mother financially.....

All they do is make excuses at 24 and 30 about "can't find a job".....when the reality is, they are not even looking. Their definition of looking is calling an employment agency once a year to see if they found them a job.

Their mother is so blind sided it's not even funny.

Honestly I was raised much like you were. My mom didn't care about how well I did in school or if I had any chance to socialize. I'm not even sure if she really cared about my success or responsibility. I think she just wanted to get as much out of us to benefit herself as possible. I love my mom, and she did good by us, but she has always been sort of selfish and cheap. She rarely bought us anything but the bare essentials, so we were all wanting a job like crazy by the time we were old enough. She absolutely would not pay for a car (HA!) let alone car insurance or gas or a cell phone or anything. She would not even take me to get my learners permit because she didn't want to pay the FEE and because she insisted that if I had it she'd have to pay extra on her car insurance that she didn't want to. I didn't get my license till I was 19 thanks to her. I also didn't go to college because I knew I could never afford it. She would laugh at the idea of paying for someone to go to college. All of us cleaned her house, she NEVER lifted a finger other than to point at something she wanted us to pick up. I had no life. I didn't get to do any of that teenager stuff everyone else I knew was doing. I worked from the time I was 15. It was under the table. When I was 18 I got a regular job and I moved out. She could have done so much more for me. I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but I was miserable and stressed out as a teenager and I don't want my kids to go through that crap until they have to, when its time, when they are adults and even then I will do everything in my power to help them. Because I care about them and want them to be happy. I think its totally possible to teach your kids good morals and values, and a good amount of responsibility without making them suffer and taking away their childhood. If you can't find a way to teach your kids the right things without forcing them to grow up too soon, then maybe you're doing something wrong. Maybe those parents should work on their parenting skills and spend more time with their kids.

whooow, please don't compare my mother to yours cause you don't know how I was raised.

Although my mother did teach me financial/adult responsibility EARLY in life....doesn't mean she didn't care about school. She cared A LOT and always made sure I did well and stayed on top of me.

Please don't assume.

Again you are mixing up childhood with adulthood. We are talking 18 years old.....kids don't go to collage at 14-15.....

I think parents in America care so much about paying for their childrens' educations because they KNOW how HARD it is to succeed in this day and age, and MOST people don't want to see their kids fail.

If it takes a failure for my children to learn their lesson, I'm all for it.

I'm not setting up my kids for failure, I'm simply teaching them that NO ONE will EVER pay for any of their shit, including their parents. Success is dependent on THEM and ONLY THEM.

It is my job to prepare my child for the world, paying their way thru early adult hood is the opposite of teaching them that lesson.

I'm sorry but that's just me.

I was raised in middle/upper class neighborhood FULL of rich/spoiled little fugs...and seen exactly how their parents pamper them THRU life (LONG LONG LONG past 18 and some). And I also seen how these bastards treat their parents and their over all appreciation.

Lots of these kids had power of money and ended up with addictions eating them alive. At times I think these rich spoiled kids are worse then poor ghetto kids, I used to know both types and in general there was more drama/trouble on the "power of money" side.

 

[Choppy]

I can understand the philosophy of not wanting to give anyone free ride. When I was in university, I certainly saw my share of party-kids in attendance on a Bank of Mumandad Scholaship. But I also knew lots of kids who had financial assistance of some sort who did really well.

We'll be assisting our children financially if they choose to attend university or any other post-secondary institution. We've already started an RESP for our son, and he's not even 3 months old.

Denying your children money for the sake of teaching them about it's worth is not unlike the "throw them in the deep end" method of teaching your children to swim. Your children will likely survive, but if you really want them to swim - you have to teach them some technique.

Teaching your children about money starts a lot earlier than the day they leave for university. It starts the first day they walk into a store with a dollar in hand.

 

[IADad]

serious question....if college is free then why is there so many people on government assistance? why doesn't everyone have a degree and a job?

and it's not "free" ...what is VAT, 17.5%? or something?
there is no free lunch.

 

[IADad]

First of all, I want to apologize in advance for not reading everyon'es responses before posting. I'm sure they were all well considered and thoughtful, I'm just in a bit of a crunch for time.

I think callingg it an "American Obsession" is a bit of an oversimplification. True, there is an American cultural tradition of wanting the next generation to "have it better" that is borne out of our immigrant heritage, but I don't see the desire to "pay for college" to be universal.

First, I think the financial services industry is partly to blame for any perceived obsession. They do a good job of making everyone feel like it's "norma;" to save for your kid's college.

Second, I think there are some calss norms at work. There's a moderate sub-strata of the population that feels compelled to pay for their kid's college. Outside that there are those who want their kids to earn it, whether through work or scholarship, and there are those who contend they didn't go to college and it was good enough for them...(as well as those to whom the concept of college is so foreign it isn't even a consideration.

Personally, I want to be able to provide some level of help but expect college will be funded by a combination of hopefully scholarship, loans, some funds from empolyment and parental money. My experience was that working while going to school was very beneficial to me. I was much more disciplined and organized during tthe times I had a job than the times I didn't, and regardless of the educational benefits that's a good life lesson.

 

[Jordy]

i dont agree with your fail to learn technique i think it applies only sometimes. not studying enough for your test and there for not being allowed to go out on the weekend teaches them that if they want to have fun they have to do well in school but letting them start life with a loan that big just sets them up for failure in my mind.

 

[Chaos]

Good post IADAD

Totally agreed and seen this on my end. When students have a job, the little time they have left is usually dedicated to studying. Also they know how hard it is to earn a buck or too.

Those that get a free ride end up with TONS of free time and dedicated MOST of it to drinking, drugs and "chasing girls".......next thing you know studying is not even on their mind.

One of the reasons why I will most likely push my kids to go to local university vs "on campus".

Whenever kid gets idle time is when the trouble begins hehe (that goes for kids of ALL ages).

It's all about keeping them BUSY!

 

[IADad]

I certainly had my share of missed late nights meeting deadlines as well as poor choices to party a bit much from time to time, but having a job did force me to be more judicious with my time, and when I wasn't I paid the price (usually in lost sleep), no t abad lesson to learn.

On a similar note, there was an article in a local paper about local high school grads and where they end up (basically, a story about how many kids feel they need to leave to find good jobs.opportunities....etc.) The feature profile was about a girl who left Iowa, went to Harvard, worked for a bit then went to Stanford Law...and now she wants to be a public defender....*gulp* I was hoping that her education wasn't paid for by loans...

 

[Chaos]

I certainly had my share of missed late nights meeting deadlines as well as poor choices to party a bit much from time to time, but having a job did force me to be more judicious with my time, and when I wasn't I paid the price (usually in lost sleep), no t abad lesson to learn.

On a similar note, there was an article in a local paper about local high school grads and where they end up (basically, a story about how many kids feel they need to leave to find good jobs.opportunities....etc.) The feature profile was about a girl who left Iowa, went to Harvard, worked for a bit then went to Stanford Law...and now she wants to be a public defender....*gulp* I was hoping that her education wasn't paid for by loans...

Well, you know, if it wasn't...that's the reality.

America overpays lawyers, go around the world and Lawyer is just another guy. So in a way it's a dose of reality, lawyers around the world don't get paid that much (same for doctors)....

Live and learn. Much better then Party and never learn.

 

[Xero]

You disagreeing with every sentence of my post seperately is not going to change the way I'll raise my kids lol. I still feel the same, and I still think you're wrong, and I'll raise my kids and you raise yours. But okay, thanks for explaining?

 

[mom2many]

We won't be paying for our kids colleges, that doesn't mean that we won't help them out on occasion, but they will be responsible for their own future education. They have known from a very early age that they have to have good grades and hopefully get some scholarships. Even if we wanted to pay for their college (which we have never planned to do) could you imagine paying for 8?

We also will not buy them a car, we have spare vehicles that they can use but they are mine, and they take much better care of them knowing they aren't "theirs" and that mom can and will take it away at anytime.

This was how I was raised and this is how I plan/am raising mine.

 

[Jeremy+3]

serious question....if college is free then why is there so many people on government assistance? why doesn't everyone have a degree and a job?

You think a degree equals a job? The more people who have degree's the more an employer can pick and choose, there aren't infinite jobs either. Plus everyone in the UK with children are on government assistance, it doesn't matter how much you earn.

 

[Jeremy+3]

and it's not "free" ...what is VAT, 17.5%? or something?
there is no free lunch.

No, only items of luxury have VAT, mainly new cars and designer clothes.